A letter from August 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey honey. I was just sitting here reading the anonymous public letters that people sent from 5-10 years ago to their future selves. And it's true--they don't read like they are meant for anyone else but their own eyes. Many made me terribly sad and were filled with sorries and regrets. A few were hopeful. One was just silly. It's a funny thing, time. It's not linear (I'm sure you know all about that if you did become a physics major like you were thinking now). So somewhere, you are reading this letter as I write it. You were always afraid of time. Remember when you turned ten and you cried, simply because you would never again have a single digit age, and would likely die before triple digits. Please don't be afraid anymore. I hope you have learned that. Time is not linear. Pull it with you, drag it slow, make it last, then learn to let it go. It's not linear, but it won't circle back around. Turn around and look forward, stop grasping backwards. Remember you always thought you were wasting time as a teenager, not doing any of those crazy teenage things. You never even held hands with someone, never kissed, never smoked a joint, even though you were 18. I don't regret my choices or the way I have lived yet though, I hope you don't either. I hope you have done at least one of those things by now though! If not, you probably know something I now don't, and it's ok. Be happy with who you are. You are 23. I'm sure you feel like life has started to slip by you. The teenage years went in a blink. But I hope it hasn't. I hope you are still grateful for the little things. I hope you still smile when it rains and find the joy in all the little wonders of the world. I hope college wasn't too hard on you. Maybe you did go to grad school, maybe you didn't. I forgive you if you gave in, life always felt to short for that much school. If you didn't, I'm proud of you. It will be ok, no matter how hard it seems right now. Hopefully you went abroad junior year? I wonder where at. I wonder if you are living abroad now like you dreamed. Remember how you dreamed of that. Did you ever really get fluent in French? In Russian? It's late right now honey. Put down what you are working on. Stop crying, if you are. Go get a cup of tea. Go listen to Bon Iver, Skinny Love--it's been your favorite since you were 11, I wonder if it still is...Be happy with how far you have gone, regardless of the road ahead. 18 wasn't the best year--2020 kept you inside for most of it and you never really met many people. College is probably going to start lonely. That is ok. If you have anyone you love with you right now, give them a hug for me. I can't wait to meet them. I am a bit lonely now, I've always been, but I hope you feel a bit more complete. Enjoy the last colours of summer. I always feel like nature takes on a brighter hue when summer dies. Oh, and take a deep breath if the environment is in shambles, you are doing what you can, just breathe and put some of that weight off your shoulders. Wipe your tears away love. It's ok. Look how much more life is ahead of you. All of my wishes I send to you--keep them safe, Your 18 year old self