A letter from August 17th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I know you hate yourself. I know you feel worthless and like nothing matters in life. I know you used to have to cry yourself to sleep, and now you're just numb. You want to cry, but you don't feel anything anymore, so you can't cry. I want you to know that it's ok to feel like this, but you just have to make sure that you don't stay here. Eventually you need to pull yourself out of this hole that you've dug. You need to trust people eventually, and you need to tell people how you feel. Don't keep it all bottled up inside, because eventually it's going to come out and it's going to be in rage. You'll lose the people that mean something to you, and you won't know if you'll get them back. I know that you are overthinking, and you just want to end it all. You need to express your feelings to others, because they can't read your mind. I know that you think that it's selfish to tell others how you feel because you don't want to burden them with your feelings. You don't want them to carry the weight of knowing that you're in pain and that you feel absolutely worthless. Sometimes you need to tell them, and they will help you get through it, and they won't make you feel bad for expressing this to them. I know you've gone through the most of this horrible, and dark experience by yourself. You've gone through most of it by yourself, and you don't know how to tell others. I know it's hard to do it, but you can't feel bad about yourself forever. I know you've gone through hell with this experience, but eventually, I believe that you will come to the end of that tunnel, and the light will shine through. I know millions of people might have said that, or you might have seen it, and you might not believe them, but YOLO. You might as well believe them because what do you have to lose. You might feel like you've lost everything in life that was worth living for, but one day, you're going to find something in life that makes your whole experience worth it. You will cherish it forever, and it won't leave like everything else in your life. It will be there for the end of time, and it will be the best thing in life. I know you've dealt with a lot of things, and you have all of these negative thoughts that are telling you that you are not pretty enough, or that you're not good enough. Everything in life supposedly happen for a reason, and you're probably wondering why it's happening to you. Why would these unfortunate things happen to you, when you feel that you don't deserve it...well, I don't have an answer for you. I'm in a dark place, and I feel that I can't get out. You read because it helps you escape reality and helps you live a million different lives other than yours. I feel like I'll never be enough for anyone, and that I'm never going to be happy. I know I may sound ungrateful because I have two parents, a sibling, a nice house, a good school, and I get that. You can think anything you want to about me, but I just want you to know, I've gone through a lot of things throughout my life, that've lead up to my state now. There are many things that have lead up to faking my smile everyday. Having to not feel anything because I'm so numb to feeling, not even being able to sleep anymore, overthinking everything, feeling that everyone hates me when they don't, which causes them to probably hate me. All the thoughts that are telling you, you aren't enough are hard to get through, and when you read this in the future, I hope you're in a better place than you were. I hope you found happiness, and if you haven't, I know you will. You may feel like you are never going to be enough, because people have told you that. Whether it's from social media, friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend or even family, I want you to know that you are enough. You have always been enough, regardless of what anybody else has said to you. You will always be enough and have been enough being the person that you are, and not changing who you are for people to accept you. Toxic people might try to bring you down, but remember this letter, and know that they are just taking out all their insecurities out on you. They just see what they want to be in you. They want to be you because of the way you hold yourself, and the confidence you have. Don't let them bring you down, and I mean this to everyone reading this, you are a strong, confident, handsome, beautiful, person. You are amazing in every way possible, regardless of your ethnicity, gender, background, etc. You are you, and that is all I could every want from anyone. Don't change who you are for anyone, just do you. Signed, Me