A letter from August 16th, 2020

Dear Future Me, If you are reading this you are still alive. Congratulations. You made it five years. As you know my mind has been in a darker place than usual recently. I had a meltdown and left my job, I had to disown my abusive mother, it's been a really tough year, my PTSD feels like it's getting worse and I feel like a failure. I almost constantly feel anxious, nauseous, sad and this weird feeling like there's poison in my veins/under my skin. Sometimes I doubt I can pull myself together and I feel like doing something that I don't want to do because I can't stand the pain anymore. I'm uncertain I can make it through this but if you are reading this that means you did make it through this which is something you deserve a medal for. It doesn't matter if you didn't do everything you felt like you needed to do, we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. What matters is you tried your best and you should be proud of yourself for that. You made it this far, you can carry on further. I hope you get this, I hope there is hope for us and I hope your last five years haven't sucked as much as your first nineteen but if they have please forgive me and carry on because you can. Sincerely, Your worst enemy and best friend.