A letter from August 11th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, What's up????? How's life been so far? I thought I'd send you an unwelcome (or maybe welcome) blast from the past. 2020 has been... well. You remember exactly what 2020 has been like don't you? What with covid and your mental health and your relationship? I just got a letter from 2015 us, nagging me about taking care of myself and being financially responsible and all of the stuff a dumb 18 year old me thought she was being super clever and mature and responsible by writing out, followed up by a bunch of weird and oddly invasive questions. If it hadn't been me writing them I might've been more annoyed lol. Anyway. I thought I'd write another letter and give 2025 me a taste of what I'm going through at this very second lmao. It's 11:43 pm, the night before I get my first IUD (I think? It might just be a consult?? Boy won't I feel silly lol). I'm really anxious. But D is coming with me for moral support thankfully. She's got class at 12:30 but says she's willing to risk being late to be there for me which is really sweet 😭 I might Uber back if I'm not feeling great afterwards. Idk. Whatever ends up happening with our relationship in the next 5 years I want you to just take a minute to remember how truly loved and cared for she makes me feel right now. Idk maybe it's not real, or maybe it is. I guess only you can know for sure at this point. I can't wait to see. Or maybe I can, idk lol. Sigh. I really love her. She can drive me crazy sometimes but she's really important to me right now. Even when I'm upset or annoyed at her I still adore her. She's like barely 2 months on HRT right now so her hormones are all over the place. I mean, she's basically going through ******* again, only this time it's the right kind for her. She's been so clingy and anxious, and I just want to wrap her up in a big cozy blanket and force feed her chocolate and tell her that everything is going to be ok. But I know that only 1/3 of those things would remotely make her feel better at this point. We're about to foster a cat. I just sent an email back to the shelter to set up a phone interview. You already know how it went but I don't so fingers crossed it goes well lol. I'm on a 6(?) Month waitlist for that residential mental health treatment thing outside of the city. I'm really anxious but also excited for it. Idk what it's going to be like. Idk when I'll actually get in... I hope it helps me. I hope I don't have to wait for 6 months to get in, and I hope I don't have to stay there for 3 or more months. But I guess we'll see won't we? There's more stuff going on in my life but I'm exhausted and starting to fall asleep finally. I didn't even mention covid yet if you can believe it, lmao. I might write more tomorrow and schedule it to send on the same day as this one, or I might not. We'll see. Anyway...I love you. I hope you're doing well. I hope things are going better for you than they currently are for me, and I hope you didn't have to work too hard to get to wherever you are. I'll see you in 5 years. Love, 23 year old you!