A letter from August 7th, 2020

August 7th, 2020 Love. What is it? You would think that by high school you would know or at least have an idea of what love is. Sorry to break it to you, but heading into your senior year and you still have no clue. Love. Society's version of love is found in movies or romance novels or even those wattpad stories that you so desperately try to read in private. But, as I write this letter, I wonder... what is my version of love? Will it be something sweet and at first sight or will it be something messy and blind. Love. I'm not sure what it is, but I know what I want it to be. I want a love that makes me stare at my bedroom ceiling wondering if he shares my feelings. I want a love that makes my heart skip a beat when I see him across the room. I want a love that makes me ugly laugh while I try not to pee my pants. I want a love that makes me happy. Love. It has to be something pure and innocent (or maybe not too innocent ;) heheh ******). It has to be something with no bad intentions. It has to be something that isn't used for validation or attention. It has to be something that makes you feel safe and protected. It has to be something that doesn't necessarily make you whole or dependent, but rather makes you feel like you can be and do anything. Love. Standards can be the best thing, but also the worst thing. Yes, it is good to have standards, but don't be too picky. I know. I love me a nice British or Australian accent complimented with abs and some arm veins, but those are unicorns. Do you know how rare it would be to find one in California?? ****.. maybe I should move to Britain or Australia then? KIDDING! NO! Don't do it.... Love. When you receive this, I want you to remember all of those boys you talked to during the first month of quarantine. Was that your true self? To virtually give yourself to them in hopes of approval? I don't want you to return to any of that because that is not you. Yes, the company might have been nice, but that's not a fraction of the love you want. Love. The idea of love is centered around a significant other or someone of importance to you, but never yourself. Remember: love yourself because there's so many amazing things that make you wonderful. Things such as the fact that you are in the process of teaching yourself French, decorated your own room, and have a source of income make you unique and exciting. Someone out there is going to notice it and it may not be today. It may not be tomorrow either. **** it might not even be in the five years before you receive this, but someone will see you and see how much potential you have. Love. It's mysterious and with seventeen plus years on your belt, you still have zero experience in that field. However, don't forget that love shouldn't be forced. All those crushes that you had over the years weren't because you truly liked them, but because you liked the way they looked or (sorry to say it) you were simply bored. Not that those crushes really went anywhere since you also have zero experience in the dating field as well. Love should find you in the most inconvenient way possible and literally sweep you off your feet. Love. Dear my future self, find a love that makes me smile. Find a love that I can be proud of and introduce them to my parents. Find a love that's adventurous and fun. Find a love that knows how much I love food and sleeping in. Find a love that makes me so happy that people have to ask why I'm smiling so much. But most importantly, find a love that makes me a better person.