A letter from August 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, happy birthday!! :) I'm not sure what you're doing but i hope you're okay. If you don't remember, i'm in a very large, ugly mess with my feelings all twisted and my beliefs conflicted. I think maybe i was always like this but i was always so busy i never noticed. either way, i hope you're much better than me now. i hope you're healthy, having fun and enjoying life, and feeling a sense of clarity and to what you want to do with your life. you're probably like "damn, was i always this dramatic?" well, in short, yes, i even asked mom and she laughed and i think it's okay... kinda. and the family? are they okay? and what about us and our brother? right now, being in quarantine, we're constantly arguing and i feel bad when mom tells us to stop fighting because it's true, when our parents are dead, the only family we'll have is each other. i hope you guys have a better relationship. i wanted to ask you one more thing actually... did you ever finish figuring the romantic department out? are you single (PLEASE SAY YES!! romance is overrated and plus i like being alone) or are you dating someone (is it a boy or a girl)?? are we still traumatized from Valentine's day or have we finally healed from that? are we still scared about what comes after death? either way, if you have or haven't come to a solution with these problems, i'm very proud of you and where you are. I hope you know you're worth and remember the advice i've told everyone (while it may be cheesy) but to keep your head up. keep being the kind person you are, no matter what. and i know you've felt like you're not loved and feel like your suffocating in your thoughts at times, but i just want you to remember you are loved and it's okay to be lost. things take time, in case you've forgotten. we've been struggling with the romantic, religious, family, and friends department for so long i'm sure we're stronger than before. happy birthday future me, i can't wait to see where you are ;) -old you from 2020