A letter from August 5th, 2020

Dear Ishi/Desiree/Ishong, Hi!!! So 18 years old ka as you’re writing this one down. Currently you’re in the middle of a pandemic. Yup, I’m in the worst year (yet). It’s 9:04 PM of August 5, 2020 and currently dm-ing Hancel about Alexa and Chester about their “unfriending” in facebook lol. Anywayyyyy, what’s it like in the future?? Did I even survived?? Lololoool I know, you know, we both know that we are scared of what the future may give. I am scared that I might fail. That I may be left behind. I am hoping that you are experiencing our success right now as you read this note. Okay so to make you remember when we wrote this, this is the time when we are still moving on from that “heartbreak”. Yesss you know who. Stephen yes. Idk why tf did we even fell for that dude. But I guess the universe is unpredictable like that. Okay, we’re still moving on. We’re still trying to forget him at the moment. Have you ever asked yourself if what we felt for him was “love”? (Okay I just asked my future self lol) I mean it hurts you know?? You know that we didn’t even had the “label” as what people may seem to term it nowadays. We hoped didn’t we? Remember our first convos with him when he started “you-know-what”. We knew it then that we shouldn’t jump. Pero tanga tayo eh. I think,,, we missed or we craved for love so much that we jumped into the unknown knowing well that it was a trap. We felt that “feeling” for him. That special treatment and all, maybe that’s why we fell. The way his words makes our butterflies tingly in our stomach. Remember when we had a date (?) Idk if it’s considered a date but whatever. I think that was a disaster. But he told me that he had a great day so... okay?? But that’s not the point I am trying to make. I am trying to make you remember how he held our hand when we crossed the road. I know that it was just a simple gesture but do you remember how it felt?? Yes, we felt secure and warmed. I guess loved his hands lol. Whenever our hands touches it brings me a warm feeling that I solely miss right now. Okay, I know that you’re laughing right now lololool. I hope that in the future, I would see myself more deserving than what I am seeing to myself right now. I hope that you will find a love that you wouldn’t settle for less just because you’re desperately for some. (It came out harsh but we need to tell the truth) I am hoping that self-love is enough already for you. Love will come. May we learn our lessons from the past and never to repeat the same mistakes again. I am praying that I have an “RN” right now besides my name hahaha. Okay I know that it’s getting corny na but I am writing this raw. No edits and anything. So yeahhh yun lang naman ang masasabi ko. Just continue doing your best. If you’re failing right now just remember to keep moving forward. Just keep moving. Okay?? I love youuu. This is your past self saying you can ******* do this. I love you tons. I love you 3000. P.S Do you still use that IG account where I post my poems and stories??? If you do then did you follow him??? Sincerely yours, 2020 ****** up self