A letter from August 4th, 2020

Dear Future Me, okay so, i've tried writing letters to myself in the future and its always the same boring ****, "sChOoLs GrEAt" "hOws LiFe" and i don't wanna do that now. so right now i have a document. its me just writing all of my thoughts, thought i'd share some of the paragraphs i wrote, i'm not sure of the exact date, but it was early-mid July "i need to have a flat stomach or else my uniform shirts will be even smaller than they already are. I wish i had bigger *****, and more of a waist, and bigger hips, all and all, i wish i had an actual body instead of a flat door as my body, its even as weak as a door, does that make sense? Cause doors cant be weak, can they? Well a door that opens easily is weak, or breaks easily, but if a door that wont budge is it strong? Or just stiff or stubborn? Still, i wish i had a figure, i mean look at h.a, she's beautiful and has so many curves, i wish i looked like that.but the thing is, it only looks bad on me- c.u? She's so cute and so beautiful and her body's amazing. All my friends are so beautiful and have a great figure- o.g, p.a, c.u, h.a...all of them! I wish i had their body's, sure i'm kinda fit but not really, my ***** are growing slightly but even then they're still teeny tiny, i feel like my stomach is starting to grow and making me look weird- but plus size is beautiful too tho! No matter what body i have, it all just looks bad on me, like skinny? I look weird. Average? meh . plus size? I look weird. I wish i just had a body i was comfortable in. i wish i could look in the mirror, turn to the side and not be disappointed. I wish I could have confidence with my body. Idk i was finally starting to feel good about my body-my ***** were getting slightly larger, but then my mind had to go, “so is your stomach” and had to ruin it for me. " (i just put their initials for their privacy) kind of depressing right? well anyways i figured i should give you the basic info, going into 7th grade, found out i was bi a couple months ago, living in the apartment currently, both of our cats are still alive, hope we got the place we wanted, blah blah blah. lately i've had very mixed feelings about my body, half the time when i'm thinking about my body, its bad. because last time i checked my stomach is larger than my *****, semi-flat ***, and not confident at all. then the other half i'm feeling like the baddest ***** ever. luckily it's been more confident than not. i don't really know what i'm supposed to write in this, there's nothing very special going on right now. actually, i do. if you've changed your political views at ALL i will personally find a way to time travel and then DROPKICK YOU. right now i'm blm, acab, feminist, anti-trump, pro-choice, and i can't think of anything else right now. i'm also thinking of making this letter public but anonymous, so if i am, i hope i'm not bumming you out lol. i can talk about happy stuff if you want, although i don't really know if you're feeling bummed out or not. but if you're in a dark place right now and you happen to be reading this, just know that you are amazing, you matter to so many people, and if you go through with it just know a lot of people will miss you. hope that helped. if it didn't i hope i didn't at least waste your time. but still, what do people talk about in these letters? their lives? WELL MY LIFE IS PRETTY BORING. SKJSKDJSKDJ that was not supposed to be in all caps, ITS SO AGGRESSIVE SKDSKDJSKDJ, i'm imagining "WELL MY LIFE IS PRETTY BORING." in a hulk voice SDKSDJKJSD. wait theres a FOR TEACHERS BUTTON? i mean i can imagine some english teacher doing this in class. NO. I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MY LIFE AND STUFF. but like theres nothing to really talk about. its pretty normal and boring. i mean like my dads an alcoholic if that means anything, but hes sober now. ugh i just read some public letters and they're talking about divorce and jobs, good for them of course but the thing is i can't talk about all that stuff, i'm just a kid. all the letters i read are so weird to me because its like i'm seeing a little bit of what their lives were like. you better still be in the groupchat with lizz and them :). sometimes i feel like i'm too young with all the "mature" people (2003-2005) gatekeep and say "2005 are the last of the elite" "only 2005 and under know these" "you only know those because you have an older sibling" its literally so annoying like- shut up, no one cares you're older than me, you're only like 2 years older than me, and saying you're elite or the people born in the same year as you and the only elite people is just you trying to feed into your individuality complex. okay i'm just gonna stop writing now because this isn't even a letter to myself in the future, its not even about me anymore! well if you're reading this i hope it entertained you and it didn't take up very much of your time. thanks for reading it.