A letter from July 21st, 2020

dear future me, i couldn't tell you what prompted me to write a letter- maybe the current pandemic, or maybe the hope i'll still be alive in six years to receive it. regardless, here i am. we've been in quarantine since march 13th now, and i'm kinda tired of it. 2020 has been kicking my *** if i'm being honest. i doubt you'll forget about this year but it's really been something. does it get better? are we happy by now? do i even make it this far? i'm not exactly confident i'll live long enough to receive this letter but who cares. we aren't here for a long time, only a good one. right now i'm really into haikyuu. i want to start other animes but my attention span isn't all that great. maybe by the time you get this we'll have been given new diagnoses for mental illness. not that it matters, everyone's a little sick in the head. is dad dead by now? as of late i can't say i'm fond of his presence. honestly, i'm counting down the days until he bites the dust. he and i are supposed to go on a five day roadtrip starting tomorrow. the second one of 2020. it was supposed to be kota with us again too, but he couldn't get work off. i hope it's fun and i won't lose my mind. i'm in the middle of painting the fence right now. i've kinda *********** the money i've earned so far but i'm gonna be more thoughtful from now on. anyways, how are things? did we get into a good college? are you seeing anyone? what career are we looking at? how are mom and kota? is misty still alive? as a write this she's sleeping under the bed. i really don't want her to grow old. i don't know what i'll do when she dies. jessie and kylie are really the only people i've been keeping up with. taren and bella too, but less so. i have such big dreams future me, please tell me they came true. or at least life isn't boring for us. tell me we have a solid group of friends and we go on adventures every weekend and the world isn't all that bad because we're young and stupid and it'll all be okay in the end. i feel trapped right now. like every time i take one step forward, i'm pushed three steps back. i want to get out of this stupid state in this stupid country and be someone. i hate it here. if you get this, and we aren't where we want, you better work your *** until we are. we're supposed to enjoy this stupid little life we were cursed with and i refuse to give up on it. right now the whole world is falling apart around me and i don't wanna be crushed under the rubble. take care of the stupid body you've been given, be proud of it. be only yourself, you live for nobody else. take the freedom i don't have now and run with it. sincerely, fifteen year old you.