A letter from July 7th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Mags First question and there are many throughout this so grab a pen and pencil to answer these throughout do I still use that nickname? Also I'm not sure if you remember but I used a random date generator to pick out when you (future Margaret) would receive this hence why the date your getting this so... Random! I'm just trying to answer any questions you might have whilst reading this so everything makes sense *sort of* and flows anyway let's begin... EDUACATIONAL PLANS: In my future plans by now you should've finished your third year of medical school at the University of Liverpool. At this point in time you should now be in your intercalated year, doing a masters in management (as it's called on the website), why? Because I've seem to found an interest in marketing, business even social media which all came from having my own business 'pretty pouts cosmetics' by the way what did you end up doing with it? anyway After doing six years in Liverpool University and graduating with hopefully a 2:1 or even 1:1 and an extra masters. CAREER PLANS: Then I wanted to complete two years of junior doctor training then start specialist training to be a gynaecologist. Although I was almost put off going down that particular branch when a personal trainer who liked you at the time *EW* proceeded to ask you after you told him you wanted to be a gynaecologist "You like ***** don't you?" hopefully you still don't entertain and haven't entertained ******** men like this. I also hope you have cooled your swearing down just a little bit... LIFE PLANS: I'm going to keep these brief because this letter will be very long; 1. I definitely want to own a house especially build my own house 2. Get into real estate to generate income, buy to renovate and sell 3.Don't have kids with partner by 30 do by yourself 4. Travel to at least 5 countries by 30 5. Learn French and Portuguese LESSONS I LEARNED: Hopefully you appreciate looking back at the life lessons I know now and have added to these five that I'm about to list; 1. Crying, although crying does sometimes ( key word being 'sometimes' ) make you feel better it doesn't do anything about the problem at hand. 2. Giving up should never be your answer or even an option. Always find a solution or if you want enlist those to help you find one. This doesn't only apply to situations but people specifically 'the one' don't give up on finding that you deserve I know I am the type of person who can be and do things alone but loving yourself, being independent whilst being with someone can coexist never forget that. 3. Saying NO. You have every right to say no for all types of reasons. Don't feel obliged to entertain people that you don't like or even agree to anything just because you feel like you should 4. DON'T dwell. It's a waste of time! reflect by all means but complaining about something you cannot change is pointless instead use whatever you went through as a learning experience to help you become the person you want to be. 5. Last but certainly not least... Believe in yourself. Stop doubting yourself, you are so much more capable than what you make out to seem. People have broken you, your self-esteem, your confidence, your being. But knowing who we are, we will be successful in whatever we do. Even in the place that I'm in now ( which isn't 100% but miles better than high school ) I know we will do extraordinary things. RELATIONSHIPS: I'd love to hope your in a loving relationship and you're finally getting treated the way you deserve to be treated. But if not that's fine too... I would like to hope that you've at least been in one relationship ( more than two months preferably )w where you actually liked or even loved the person and if you have I'm already proud of you. Now onto marriage, I like the idea of marriage but the boys ( because they're definitely not men ) I've met so far makes me feel like I'd rather be alone. Marriage isn't necessarily a goal for me, going far in my career and even having children count more as goals for me compared to marriage. However, this is not to say that if someone did asked me for my hand in marriage and I did indeed want to spend the rest of my life with them I would say no because it's not in my goal because goals are dynamic and subject to change. I'm not afraid to be alone or have children alone because it can be done. So far I've not been in anything that I would class as a 'relationship' and as I'm writing this I'm single although I'm actually enjoying it because for once I'm giving myself the time and freedom to focus on myself and self-growth and love. (I'm really trying to get into self-love at the moment and I hope you are practicing it.) I'm not trying to say that someone can't do all these things if they are in a relationship but we're talking about me right now and I couldn't because I tended to lose myself when I tried to get into a relationship with someone. I also want to focus more on myself because I had a habit of letting people in that didn't deserve to know me all in the name of wanting a relationship. I now don't subject myself to ************ anymore, if I don't feel anything for that person I just move on ( not necessarily onto the next person but you know what I mean! ) I have to ask this but you are 21 so obviously I'm also wondering whether you've lost your virginity? If you have how was it? clearly writing this right now I still have my hymen intact (too much?) SPIRITUALITY: We are speaking to what's current in my life right now if that wasn't already clear throughout this whole letter and being brutally honest which is also who I am. Me and faith have had a rocky relationship I'm not sure why. I'm struggling to fit it into my life and my beliefs. I'm Christian, I identify with that religion the most but that's because I haven't really branched out in all fairness. I do believe there is a God I believe he/she/it is everything the Christians describe him to be caution GCSE R.S terms; omnipotent, omniscient, transcendent, omnibenevolent, eternal etc you get the gist. I'm struggling to connect with him and I feel almost lost. Anxiety and stress have almost taken over me and made me into a shell of a person I once was. But I've decided I want to be more active in my relationship with God because the guilt I feel as the days go on and I grow further and further away from God which I guess is a good sign to go back to God I guess. I will be watching YouTube Videos ( Is this still popular? ) and reading the bible listening to podcast ( Do people still do this? ) pretty much anything I can do to get back on a level I can be proud of with God. He/she/it sees my heart. FRIENDS & FAMILY: Firstly in the section I don't want to really give anybody any light because this letter is about me ( insert my narcissism here ) unfortunately I won't go into too much detail about these people just a brief overview. Firstly let's talk about Tatiana. She's my best friend. She knows a lot about me we also have plans for the future she's really one of the oldest friends that we've stayed together for so long and has never betrayed me IF YOUR NOT SPEAKING TO HER (which is highly unlikely) PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL/TEXT HER. There's so much I can say about her she's just such an amazing person and soul and she keeps me sane and I need her in my life. Next up is Ben she's also an old friend she's the most surprising friendship I think she's been a really good and close friend to you I dont trust her as much as Tatiana but I trust her with most things and I think she trusts me I enjoy spending time with her as I spend most of my time with her too she's another one who if your not talking make sure you reach out. Now I'm going to take a quick break from friends and speak about family which is Michelle, if your not already be very weary of her, she has snaked you out and done a whole manner of things to you my only advice to you is be careful keep in touch only if you feel the need to. Remembering the words of the podcast ( self-love fix ) family is just a medium to which your brought into this world you don't have subject yourself to misery because they're family. Last but not least Chichi I still debate whether you should be close friends or even friends because she's not really a good friend sometimes, some days she gets you into trouble and drama that you don't want to be in so decide for yourself if your even still talking to her anyway. There is no point dwelling about the past this is not what this letter is about, I may write some things that by now maybe you've pushed down and tried to forget but don't take this as an excuse to dwell. Don't think about what could've been and what we could've done should've, could've, would've I like to say. You probably have made MANY mistakes before coming to read this but that's okay because I believe in you whatever path you chose to take even if it doesn't resemble the one I wrote earlier because remember that podcast we listened to about belonging? not having to stick with something because you feel you will let people down, do what makes you happy because happiness breeds growth. Love, Margaret.