A letter from July 6th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, sometimes, i hate myself for being too weak. i hate myself for being too anxious. i hate myself for not be able to speak up for myself. i hate the feeling. sometimes, i want to pretend that it's all going to be okay. i want to pretend that i'm okay. i really want to. but, i'll never have enough courage to do that. it's frustrating. i keep crying over and over again. tryna pretend that it's okay? impossible. i'm not strong enough. i really need someone to talk to. i need someone to be my listener. to hear everything i want to say. i'm hungry, i'm angry, i'm happy, i'm sad... i want someone to hear my story. i need someone to cheer me up whenever i sad. i need someone to look after me. i'm not stupid. but, i'm too weak to face this all alone. now, i realize. i have Allah. you have Allah. we all have Allah. He's the best listener. so, do'a. he'll listen to you. he'll listen to me. i'm happy. Allah let me feel the happiness. He loves me the most. he understand everything. He knows that i'm hungry. he knows that i'm sad. he knows everything. "Laa haula walaa quwwata illa billaah..." (there is no power except by the help of Allah) be happy. everything's gonna be alright. love you!