A letter from June 23rd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, do you remember why this date is so important? i pray you do and that when you remember you’re happy. if you’re not, i’m sorry. what happened with him ruby? he’s in basic training right now and he says he misses you. i don’t think he had time to say i love you as much as you said it, but he wouldn’t have to say it if he texted you right? he texted you because he loves you right? you got jealous of the people around him, men and women, because you don’t want to live without him, you want him to be your person for the rest of your life. did he come back like he said he might? i hope he did. i know i’m just about to be 16, but i hope that i was right about him being my soulmate. you know ruby, you’ve never felt any love truer that his. you haven’t talked to him right? the him that hurt you and at this time in 2020 has left you with PTSD symptoms? the him that made you trust almost any guy that isn’t your dating partner, and sometimes even then? never see him again. never talk to him again. maybe you’ve been friends with william, and that’s okay, but never make it to where you know you’ll have to see him. being around william might bring back things you don’t want, and i’m sure they’re bringing back things now, but you pushed through it right? like mamaw always said you would? did you get what you wanted in college? a full ride for bowling, and hopefully a early ed/special ed teaching degree? you wanted to be a music teacher for so long but he ruined it. maybe it was for the best. yes you’re good at music, but so many people are too. not everyone has the skill of being good with kids that aren’t they’re own, whether they be coming out of being a toddler, or if they are any age with a mental or physical disability. you know how to make almost anyone feel okay, but please don’t get used for it now or ever. i hope you’re happy. you weren’t in almost all of the first half of 2020. braden was the only person who made you genuinely happy, as sad as that sounds. you were happy with your friends sure, but braden was your saving grace through the panic attacks, sobbing, suicidal thoughts and almost actions, he was your angel. i don’t want you to still feel that way, because if you do, then who knows how you’ll end up. you don’t really love yourself in 2020, but i hope you do now. because i’m confident you will when you’re done with college. the only time i’ll love myself in 2020 is in saying this. i love you.