A letter from June 15th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, so i saw someone do this on tiktok and i was like "fam, i got to do this too sooo" HERE WE AREE. yuuh get into it 👁️👄👁️ soo, i'm currently writing this at 21:25 on 15th June 2020. since i decided to have an option for this letter to be public also, ima just tell the possible strangers reading this some lil facts about me. - i be a girl - 19 years goin' strong bby - living in the u.k right now, life is weird. it's the time of the coronavirus and i hate being in quarantine with my family. it's weird because when i started university back in september, i was feeling hella home sick, and just wanted to come home or even consider transfering to a more local university. but now, since ms rona forced me to move back home 3 months early, i have been hating every second of it. i guess there have been some good things: time to practice hobbies, recharge my social battery, save money since i won't be at uni. but largely, i have just been wanting to move back to my student accommodation, though my fam now won't let me because of the rona and i basically have little to no money and would be starving pretty much. but honestly,,, starving lookin' like a shweet one rn. first year of university all in all was great. i finally felt free. and this feeling was needed especially after the stress of a-levels. my a-level results weren't that great and i didn't meet my full potential and achieve my predicted grades. family stuff was honestly really weighing in on my and during that time, a year ago, all i could think about was packing up and leaving for university. at least then i'd be moving to a new town where nobody knew me or my family, and could constantly ask me dumb ******* questions. a lot of my own problems stem from my sister, and her mental health issues. my mum doesn't know how to handle them and my dad is pretty much useless though i know he tries. it was annoying being at university and constantly worried that your sister would try **** herself again because you're no there trying to stop her. i spent sometime at uni just sitting on the phone with her. at least if she was on the phone with me for 3 hours, i knew what she was doing. is it selfish of me to be annoyed that i've been dealing with this **** since i was 14. hiding pills when mum ask, pouring wine bottles down the drain and hiding razors so my sister wouldn't cut herself. though after a while, i just stopped. i feel guilty for it but i also think 'what's the point?' these past few days i've been looking into doing a year abroad. i really want to just move away as fast as i can. finally people will know me for me and not my family. that always happened in secondary school and sixth form because of my sister. she seemed so loud and confident back then. like a typical girl who was always in trouble, just annoying teachers like any other kid. i, on the other hand was the exact opposite. i never really forcibly made new friends, and i realised that's just because i have severe trust issues and am scared of peeps leaving my. am i still like this in 5 years time? i'm trying to work on it now? darn, i should be writing about positive stuff that's happening NOW and asking future self questions. lmaoooo i need therapy. alright. are you still friends with your housemates? i love them so much and really do hope we stay close. hopefully i would've been graduating this year (2025) (hopefully i did a placement year or year abroad if i could afford it). DO YOU HAVE A ******* BOYFRIEND YET? HAVE YOU DONE TO DO?! YOU CAN'T KWWP LETTING UR TRUST ISSUES AND FEAR OF MEN GET IN THE WAY OF A GOOD TIME FFS. how many people from sixth form/secondary school do you still talk to? after coming back from uni, i really felt like i out grew some of them and was only hanging around because they were nice. idk they just never knew me. they're all white and/or rich. do you still smoke weed? i only started once i got to uni, and always have wanted to but didn't want to come home smelling of weed lol. what other drugs have you done? i really wanna go shrooms and LSD. i want to understand the universe and reality better. have you told your family that you don't want to be christian anymore? i know they'd still love you n **** but it would just be hella awkward especially considering how much my mum needs god right now because of my sister. i feel myself becoming more spiritual and have been this way since i was 15 ffs. plus i hate all this white jesus ****. **** you white jesus you still love listening to michael jackson? mj estate are trash and i want them to release more mj songs. that man was truly to good for the world and the only stable?? role model??? in your life?? since year 7??? hopefully the square one documentary is HUGE by now, and its common knowledge that he's innocent. it is sure looking that way. he was trending on twitter the other day. how's paris jackson? you still love her or met her? i wonder if my oldest sister is still married or has kids? she's meant to be getting legally married in september and then next july. wonder if she still models too. omggg how's your lil cousin? jeez he'd be ******* 13 when i read this. **** sake man. hows the BLM movement? gen z really is the revolution generation. i feel hopeful for major change. right, so, my future plans, - carry on with uni - save a **** load of money - get my dream job - be able to travel anyways, i cant think of anything else. hopefully this is good enough. see ya betchhhh xoxo PastMe