A difficult day

Dear Webster, Yesterday Jennifer came home at 10am. I figured she had been at Louie's house even after she swore she wouldnt be over there anymore. She came in, I asked where have you been. I was sleeping because I got called by Joe to sell hot dogs out of the blue. I havn't worked there in quite sometime. She said she was at Louie's, I asked what were you doing. She said trying to figure out what to do with her life. I asked then if she had sex with him and coldly she said Yes. I asked if she loved him and she said Yes. I asked if she was leaving and she said Yes. We kind of sat there for awhile. I wanted to throw up. She put her hand on my leg and it felt so dirty I told her not to touch me. She got her things and I had Amber from upstairs take her to the guys house. I was a drama queen and got rid of all the myspace friends I had, I might log in as her and delete all my friends from her profile. Yea Im doing that now. My mind keeps racing, Im in shock still. I should have seen it coming but I never figured she would cheat. At least she told me right after so I didn't have to touch her. I've starting my fasting of course. Water and cigarettes for me. You really need to stop smoking. I'm going to try and make it to church this week. Last week I went to Ken's funeral and it was very difficult. This is a very difficult time for me. I hope by this time next year you can have some things sorted out. And quit smoking, it's our body you are ruining. I weigh my normal 160 right now and have decided to no longer use any illegal drugs. Hopefully I will stick with that. I'm sure Jennifer is smoking it up now. It was Milla's 30th birthday, you probably know her birthday was a couple days ago. I got Two Moon Junction, Zoolander and Dummy from Joel's apartment. I had them shipped there. I think what my plans are now is to put my things into storage slowly and leave the Starbird. It is overwhelming for no reason, another Point of Use failure. I feel this is a sinking ship. Hopefully things will get better. I'm hoping for the best. I don't know if I want to stay in Seattle now, I dont know if I can take running into them. After 7 years you think you know a person. I'm going to go to take a long long shower and wash away the filthiness and then shave my head. I'm going to look like a nazi camp victim but it's fine. Jerome is messaging me and telling me we should move to Sweden. I hope Jenessa calls today, it's probably not the best for me to me thinking about her moving here this fast. Rebound faster than Dennis Rodman. Sorry about that. I just hope this time next year you have a couple more things figured out. 2006 is supposed to be the year of Webster. I sure hope it was. I hope you are eating better than I am right now. Go get yourself a slice of pizza and think of me who can not eat. This is day 2 of not eating. Maybe Ill write again later to keep you posted. I think I might. Going to Slashdot and BoingBoing over and over don't seem to feel the time. Normally right now I would go wake Jennifer up so I wouldn't be alone. Now the bed is empty and cold. I slept at Joel's last night, I was scared I would wake up in terror but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I came home and checked messages, RP Management didnt call, another day off the hook. A new path is laid out before me now, it will be a very difficult road but the faster I can relearn to walk the faster I can get where I need to go. Like a phoenix from the ashes but right now I am still very much burning to death. This time I had no serious thoughts of suicide. I didn't get drunk, a little buzzed listening to some NIN but today hurts much less than yesterday and I am very suprised. I hope things are for the best. Don't forget what she did though. Don't forget the pain, learn from it and grow from it. I almost feel numb sometimes now with everything lately, I should read some Joeb. I start work at cyber dogs this week. At least I will have an income now even if its not much. My car is in storage at the convention center and I had better go move it. I think I will have to sell my baby. I'm going to go pan water out the bathtub, it is clogged and I have yet to go to pac supply and get stuff for it. Then I will have Mark Wirth shave my head in unit 306. Hope things were better for you. This has been a tough year. I thought last year was the worst.