A letter from June 12th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Remember me? Haha, of course you do. At this point in time, I've gained 20kg and I think I'm ready to get back on track. We've done well and recovered, now we can go back into running and hopefully get to 53kg by the time you get this. I'm already so proud of you and even if we have some meltdowns, we have so many more happy moments. Do this for you! Also, I hope that you have run an official marathon by the time you get this. Remember when we saved that last 2km for the official date? I think that this was a sign to take a break. I often blame the trip to Japan for ruining all my running progress, but in reality, I think it was a wake up call, you were slowly killing your body. You're are a 14 year old girl!(well, 15 when you read this), you went through so much! You forced yourself not to eat. You ran everyday, even if you didn't want to. You learned discipline and found your passion of running. But, you went too far. You kept running. You can't expect to run for a week, running from 21 to 40km a day to 'prepare' for a 'relaxing' vacation and expect to be ok after that. On top of that, you got to Japan, were snowboarding almost everyday and still tried to go running! Even when you couldn't run 2km without feeling sick, you took it as a challenge to run more, when you really should've taken it as a warning. When you ran 21km then did a day of snowboarding, that was the last straw, your body didn't want to work anymore. You spent days resting and to be honest, your body was SO relieved. Although I will never ever say I regret my journey of running and dieting, it cost a lot and look where we are now. As of today, I weigh 66.9kg (BMI 23.7). However, there is always a bright side, I am no longer always hungry and thinking of food. I have energy to laugh and fool around. I don't feel terrible when I eat junk food. Honestly, this whole year has been such a valuable learning journey and I think that the most important thing to do right now is to take this experience and learn from it. Continue to work towards your goals and remember your why.