A letter from June 9th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I don't know if I should write in french or in english. Although french is my first language I feel like when I speak english I am more free (or less afraid). First thing first, if you are reading this, congratulations !! You made it girl ! You still alive !! Just to remember you : these past years have been hard. I mean, when I'm writing this, I'm still having hard times. With lots of downs. Now, all emotions are shuts. You feel like really empty. You're not even capable to shed a tear for anything. I know you're trying hard to feel emotions through reading, watching shows or movies... Anyways... better feel empty than sad right ? I don't know if I'll be able to keep going again for that long. I may be a young adult but I feel like I have nothing to do in this world. I don't have any passions or I don't plan on a having a big career. I don't even want to build a family. So what's left ? If you're reading this. I do hope we finally found something to keep us alive. I hope it's not for a man (if it is : please tu vaux mieux que ça !!). If you are a mother, well... what a surprise. If you finally found a job that you like, yokataaaaa ! If you're still going with the flow but enjoying it, it's okay ^^ uh... I'll be 26 when I'm going to read this. I don't think I'll make it this far but if it's the case. What an impressive woman ! If you're still doubting, please, look how far you made it girl ! You're alone since you're 16 ! It's been 10 years from the day you're reading it. But if everything goes right, you're still independante. You may have a degree now ? If not, it's okay girl ! As long as you are enjoying what you're doing with your life. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I don't even think I have something to say. But you know... sometimes we tend to just get lost in our thoughts and anxiety makes it harder. I guess the point is : today (09.06.2020) - you don't have the will to live, - you are alone, because you keep rejecting everyone using your depression as an excuse. - you don't want to think about the future, - you don't know **** about what you want or what you like. - You miss your mother each day - You think that the world is scary. - People are scary. But you let people think you're though when actually you're not. So if you're reading this dear me, cheer up, keep doing what you're doing because you're doing well. Keep trying for yourself. You made it until your 26th birthday, you can keep doing it. Don't give up on you. Even if you're still alone, remember to love yourself. You are your top priority. You're nice enough. Stop worrying about everything. Today is our birthday. Treat yourself, get some rest. Happy birthday !!!!!! PS : I wanted to write "I love you" but it looks like I can't haha. Try again !