A letter from May 31st, 2020

Hi, its yourself. How you're doing right now? Hope you are finally achieve what you want mentally. When i write this the world is still in a chaos because of the pandemic but again no one really cares. What i wanna ask is, are you finally happy right now? Have you get married yet? have kids? Have a romantic loving and loyal husband? Or maybe this letter will never achieved to you because you already dead... You still hate yourself to this day. You still going back and forth and never grow at all. You are thinking of harming yourself because you are still a coward to take your own life. Maybe, scratching your skin a little could take away your heartache? I don't know. New life, new university, and new friends doesn't really change you that much. You are still a coward, a slave to people's mind. Trying to look strong and steady while you actually weak and dead inside. I really pity you, to be honest. And also these few days you keep questioning your worth to this life. You are such a disgrace, a shame to your family (even more if they found out). Knowing that you are an ISTP and a type 4 is not making it any better. You still try hard to find the goods in yourself because actually there are none. You still want a good friend, academic achievements, a good mental health, but you do nothing about it. "No you are just being dramatic about your feelings, introvert doesn't exist if you try to get social, depression is nonsense if you try to get close to God. And anxiety attack??! Pfft you are kidding me right now, right?!" Yes mom, dad, i love you too. I'm sorry.