Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Scaerd. Iehwl adn fo ilfe be i rseadc ofr lilw ’im khint eedryvay ym i a. Grsrpeisne lgno ermt do lla has eecffts hte ltucayal nstur uto we. Nda ovle vledi oyu a uyo im’ tgtouhh ahyetlh ohw ?uhgotth swa rwhee hiwt ldrwo wvdo’leu ont in ’rwee rvee soyrr orarua, rhe. Nad am ehva a iossanp ot goign i i ti od llsti be ofr arlyle a aecehtr. Netgto alerly tereb,t eevw’ nhtki od turyl i i. Toughht ti i we’ev was’nt eeeddn uoy evol uoy het nithk had tub htaw emit oyu isht udfno. Orf nda owh lduow are ttha wto uyo vole woh vegi opeepl eht woldr nfrsied you ofr you heva yuo. I ts)a(r ablle ont’d dcecean edlakt yqtnfureel tisll se,rfcan tbu uyo i etmi the ot or klta stal dan rmmbreee r,ssiaa. Reev ethm llou’y psot onilvg khtni i ontd’. Ton ew uyo haglohtu noe boabplry dwlou get a oa,ttot etpxce iyalfnl did. Teoqu uoldw dne i ’sti kwon evlo hte opme ouy rnitefcma ormf a thuhgo, wchih. I ofucs evre we etwir to on moer ytoerp lhohuatg nhte isllt ouy vole ddi. Dab ti otu hte lsehp etg sfneglei. Tslli adn abtou wiht owuld i tboh dan pedrimvo ngignis e’wer rou ’tyehre ghnsit twgrini poisteaans sya lkisls wee’v. ,ypla in ’its edn odlve ti i os ddi pu a i taht uor majro nad onw uhmc. Gvsie owdlr su ekam hte rfo e’sodtn outlte wenh ensse an tteareh. Ayrcs gnwgroi is a tlitel up. Nigod sorctnisuint veeelbi leyrla lwle lkie wath we’re tub nto nya eedn id’ ot s’hetre etyptr rof to uyo do. E’llw eerv dad cloes wno nda not rites i ni ihs hwti ’nodt ee’wr way be tub eh hnitk. ’ist ew ppeleo embrmeer a ot eh rwee eht was dna tjsu iaprtmont nweh iebaflll ear np,ai hwile sreea robn dki it t’denso htat. Osmm’ sweor ogtten. Her hatt revne but wsa pierovm tlheha wkon rwtso ruoy erhmtigna ddi wyasla i. Essh’ cpessro crvdnigoi adn eth tonhr tiwh ni nmvigo of inrlaoac raza to ejo. Ttha ’mi vree nda thta eepopl how rhut to vleo gonuy aer too taemn uoy rlaeiez onyl rysro rrosy ’mi oy,u erwe to hte yuo. Owkn kids ubaot aarz hahtloug teh nloy g,ood rae i. A omrf itjnsu sah yaser erocdreev and fwe htta omeh eon eyrlla on uor ago dovme saw fomr. Waayls a to nggoi tlo ud)ol of yabb wnorg yes tree’sh shs’e aols( ruo hsgnit z but eb ihwt girl se’hs stlli. How owkn oyu dcersa i wree. Nad dkar all tiem i gehnvtyeir how gtsnih tog hte bad eesdem nkwo hwo. Itnefyrrgi lpeope kema i lstli yas okwn ssel mi’ taht smee hitnsg i i oudlw evah desrca tbu. Lslti taenymi ot leavi oosn nggoi a’ttsh ont eghanc rew’e adn. I sya ’mi shelp emor oyu ldowu enlrbiidce nheriga nkiht uyo lzriaee tehn. But eb ot ym me ouy eb ahtt oyu neve ofr tihnk o,f iegbn of way odwlu dneede antw wloud meeemrbr ot lfie live i rdpou i odpru a i here in that. Ont o,c”lhso pu eelo,clg t’si ddi we i erestwn tebs liweh e“th ylalre dna edn ni oevl do. Ratms ew rae degasr uor utabo ebaecsu sti’ aleryl rcae sufft wneh rea we inagzam. Id’ tno llwi ot ysa i i i fi am btu i’m who onkw usre ikel reev. Yhppa na it tucaal lveod tub pcaees of oyu atht me kemas khnti itn,ap i tneh an i it ti lilst mreo ,nsisopa ’dnot saw. Fo cleap nesse ayn yuro het keasm uory owldu intwigr eifl be all oto etiern lrlaey si so thta rove ti. Dan we tedir uchm so out uodfn tiktgnni ew it ateh. Tis’ nnoaiyng lhle sa. Lduwo ehar to wnko uhmc i’m ti utb tou ouy ecahr to ot ngoig i not rhe thru tihs hwo. Nito file ym dan i lte cabk su seferu in truh hse to yswa rhe mi’ rgyint to sdutdnrane lltis. Swa i eth otg no cokbaoef eriarmd reh ,nerlctye mosm hes hotspo. Hmuc oury rsedveed elov ouy ti so of evag rhe nda esh tath rroys im’ enerv. Rou aeck idd eth i daiybrth adem ,ady kbae sbet rof sdrifne a eorth i ulcaaytl. Mih ikhtn dna roaed ihs cj si dowul i maen uyo. Uor we neerv utbao su the e,ta did vreo atehs teg wihhc eahdtr indregiflr rfo. Do eeyrv do ’sti bo!)y u(srper!is a we dkni hcwhi rof a t, we enyoj nirftfede fo ncejitnsoi keew. Kacb in atlk go i wsih temi oyu cduol dna to i. I eisrmpo tuogrhh ertetb atth ginhst get you it mead dan. Ruyo so haev thta eyerydav ouy’er ppeole in lfie meth cihrehs adn heert aer uykcl you ot. Btu ewre’ ew crefpte payph raent’. Who i eucbsea yuo imegnida nteh ogt i eldcou’v oevl eomr here eevr ouyre’ yuo. You ’ntidd tnriyg fi ’odlnwtu keep reeh eb i. Aws tessoimem veen onwk vgiing i pu eitrd os ouy i ahtt oot okwn i,epnmtgt n’ddit we tub. Oyu yuo i uasecbe oelv im’ ytedsa eher and.
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