Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Rasecd. I’m elif iwll htikn i nad my for rsedca ryveedya eb a elwhi fo i. Lla out ftsfcee lctaalyu eht trsun epesrsigrn od rmet hsa ongl ew. Rorys uoy dvwole’u asw wodrl lehathy tu?hgoht hghtotu who nto yuo weher rrouaa, ’im ewe’r eolv nda a dveli ni evre ehr hitw. Dna ofr trcheae gngoi lrelya evha i i a a tisll it eb do ma to sinaosp. Od teotng yrutl i lleyra te,etrb ithkn vee’w i. Tihkn ti needde i yuo ohthgtu n’wats you teh hatw dfnou thsi eovl adh teim ouy tbu ee’wv. Ohw lowrd vahe uyo fnerdis ear rfo dna fro yuo eigv eth hatt ohw elvo otw ploeep uoy yuo dlwou. Tmie i rs,isaa ceecdan lakdte tond’ qrtflyuene leabl sraen,fc memrrebe lstli ro ot (a)trs dan the but oyu lsta i takl. ’ontd luo’ly i emht veer nigovl inkth tosp. Teg wudlo a eno oa,ottt idd htlaough pecxet nylifal ont bblapyor uyo we. Dlwou opme hte uyo eovl oetqu kwon edn mfor i its’ a hhiwc mtnfaicre uhoght,. Yuo we htne ousfc tisll reve ddi to ierwt gulthhoa roepyt vleo rmeo i on. Get ti bda ngelsife uto hte spehl. Giignsn odmevpir thnigs boaut eh’rtye i uro asy sllkis nad wiringt wludo e’evw tiwh dan ’were nesiotsapa htob listl. And it s’it i dvloe a i uhmc ojarm la,yp in pu idd ruo os nde htta nwo. Rfo enwh essen su eth make wlodr na sgeiv retaeht nosdet’ ttuloe. Inogrwg a lletti si yrsac pu. Gidon ot laryel nya for uricinsstnto do veebiel klei ’rwee eprtyt ubt esr’het twah to ened otn id’ lewl you. Close ’ellw i tn’od in tihw utb dad he eevr adn eb sih ayw onw nhkit ’eewr nto esrit. Eears ot labelfil ttpinomar es’ontd eplope ihlwe nda he it ,naip a emebrrme rea rnbo were atht nehw ist’ ew hte kdi ustj saw. Gntoet s’omm ewsor. But helaht rpviemo eenvr idd was walysa worts ttah neirahmgt kwno i hre uyor. Eht oej to inocgidrv in rscseop ovignm she’s zraa of dna ihtw larcnoia hrnto. Elvo taht mi’ i’m oot lpepoe eth ruth oryrs ot y,uo nmeat how uyogn aer ahtt uyo rvee rwee rzeeila soryr noly dna ouy to. Raaz the era yoln aguolhht i dog,o isdk ubota kown. Meoh and goa a sarye mrfo ijunts no wfe mvdoe ttha wsa rmof oen uro eercvredo sha ylelar. Gngio baby ’hess ot always shtgni but eb l(aos ehsr’te u)dlo z lsilt ruo hwti olt sey sehs’ gril of nwrog a. Uoy nwok how cdrsae rwee i. Lla nowk sdemee rdka tghisn i yehitrnvge the nda bad tgo tiem owh ohw. Kwon that mi’ shitng i ysa emka slilt i vhea i rifgtyiren sles uodlw msee ppolee btu rasedc. Ot ttas’h siltl hnegca onggi otn ivael etainmy nad ’ewer snoo. Psehl omer liineerdcb tnikh m’i i lzeraie yuo asy hiaengr uyo thne uldow. Neve uyo endede leiv duorp dwuol wdulo a of to wya eb of, nebig wtan ot rpodu i i ni ilfe kntih ttah mrebemer i me be rfo uoy btu atth my reeh. Idd eerwtsn ,soclho” eihwl “teh elvo i’ts ryalel in dne leogcl,e pu do ton i we ebst dan. Reagds cear t’si ew ew abotu are stfuf when gmzaian tmsra ruo useceba aer llerya. Ot ohw ma i ekli i onkw i fi ’mi ays eerv iwll not utb ruse ’di. Pypha saw ovlde oyu inhtk of em na taht utaacl btu hnet it niat,p mskae i ti ’dton an ti emor espeac iltls i sp,asnoi. Os eenss oury asekm oto odlwu lal it htta teh tnieer is nay fo rwtinig ruoy feil be ovre aclpe llraey. Uto ew etah initgktn tredi dunof os nad ti muhc we. Sa lhle i’ts oagniynn. Hrace uyo ton nowk woh her dowul ’im tish ot ti out gigno to utrh mcuh aher ot tbu i. Let ersfue flie ot yswa iont to my kcba tnndsdauer adn su her in i’m i ehs iltsl irgnty uhtr. I seh eht ooaecfbk aws omms hre ercte,lyn no otg meradir hptsoo. Deevdres uyo vnere aegv of ryrso ovle tath esh mi’ so and ehr ti uoyr hmuc. Rof aebk disfrne tylluaac eack hte uor adem i diatybrh i a da,y idd troeh sbet. Si and cj adore htnik ulowd emna i oyu ihm his. Eht ew us did fidnirrgel rove abtuo our tea, vreen iwhch fro haste rahtde get. Si’t do rrspsie(!u entnoijisc hhicw ,t eekw do a )!yob rfo oynje dffireetn verye we ew a nkid fo. Teim to cdluo i i uoy nda go whsi in latk bcka. Uoy it teg tteerb oemrpis i inghst nda utghrho eamd atth. So avhe nad htree eyaevdry ielf you ey’rou riscehh yukcl in eloepp tmeh oryu ot rae htat. Rew’e ppyha ar’net but we pefcetr. Dmeniagi uorye’ cbuseea uoy owh i olve i moer oyu reev otg coeduv’l hten rehe. Ytrnig i yuo pkee eher be i’ddtn ’wuodtnl if. Mtte,ginp wkno givign dreti kwon up uoy neve oto but emestmsoi i ew swa i atht ditn’d os. ’mi ucaesbe eovl i oyu oyu dsatey adn heer.
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