A letter from May 24th, 2020

Time Travelled — almost 6 years

Peaceful right?

Dear Me Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play? Is it terrifying to grow up? Do we still think about our bio dad? Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too. I'm scared I'm scared for mom I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me. How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...

Esdrca. I lwli i for ’im a avdyeyer leif fo ym and eascrd eb wlhie htkin. Do het hsa nogl srutn eefftcs acalylut all uot ensrsrigep mter ew. Nad thehaly orlwd vere eldvu’wo ni osryr rwee’ nto rehew her r,aaruo asw a gt?htohu vleo ohw im’ eldvi wthi oyu uoy otghuth. For laryel heav i am it gngoi i od ot llsit opasisn a eb a heeatrc nad. Bree,tt i eewv’ od ltyru i tengto htikn ylaelr. Dfuno eht eovl oyu hsit hhottgu ti ’stnaw e’vwe i dndeee ihktn ouy dha wtha uoy imet utb. Het oyu who uyo for wot iveg veah eleppo ohw vleo oyu nad oyu wodul sfnider oldwr ear ofr hatt. As,sria oyu lltsi ltak t(s)ar ubt or ot notd’ the cendeac ldaket lebal astl ietm i i fnesac,r rmbemere fntlqeurye dan. Eevr spto hmte olu’ly i tdno’ nvloig ktihn. Did a dulow egt epetxc laiyfln tattoo, ew arpbboyl hltgaouh tno eno oyu. Hwich qtuoe i rofm trcefimna emop dne nwok the vloe you hgthuo, uldow ’tis a. Idd ot etriw tlils orem rvee reyotp sufoc ulhhtaog hent vloe oyu ew i on. Pehsl the out get seelignf dba ti. Ewe’v lwudo eht’ery gitrinw adn our and sntoasepai nsingig toabu whti siklsl w’ree i btho shtgni sya eprivodm ltsil. Hcum leovd mrajo rou i sti’ end ddi a ti ylp,a so i up ni nwo htta dan. The gesvi aekm sense an su rdwlo ewhn for eulott ntdoe’s htartee. Si tlietl grngwio a pu ascyr. Tyrpet lwle htwa ee’wr nto evieleb ’di iutsniortscn edne gdion yna to hrse’et to do you ofr utb lyelar like. Be btu erwe’ rvee he wya cesol ll’we ni and i iktnh add otn with seitr nwo dn’to hsi. Dotn’se when he ist’ the jstu nda atth ear wihle to a dik ewre eoeplp rbno ttmnproia saw fbaliell nip,a it eeasr we embrrmee. Wosre o’smm gtonte. Lsayaw eipmvor ehr verne htnarimge i idd uroy hlteah onkw asw tbu tath tsorw. And ot eoj in teh voirgcnid twih of ’sshe rcliaano nvgomi rpsceos aarz hront. Hatt uhtr ngyou era uyo eevr ot only orsyr leov eerzila to too teh uoy mi’ and u,yo hwo ’mi ahtt osrry erew pelepo etmna. I hloughat ynol aoubt hte ear god,o skid aarz kown. Jisunt a hmeo our mofr ttha on ahs nad fmor eon saw aog ylalre domev yresa efw dcrreeove. Sehs’ a(slo to yes ’eshs nwrgo lot oggni gsnhti yabb be fo hwit lstli ol)du but awayls a e’erhst z grli rou. Oyu decsar how kown i eerw. Akrd hte owh ownk ogt vyniegtreh mtie sedmee how bda nda ngisht i lla. Ngsith emak nwok ehav thta i eiitfgyrrn i emse esls ubt louwd i i’m daescr tlsli pleope sya. Ghcean adn taymeni niggo valie iltsl hstta’ ot rwee’ soon nto. Ysa roem leeiraz edbcernili i rghaeni oyu dwulo i’m elpsh yuo khtin neht. Ni of orf eb you yaw eb douwl dopur uldwo i bngie but eebrmemr i to a oyu ntwa elif thta i ilev f,o edndee enve em hatt htikn rupdo rhee ym to. Loh,ocs” ni alyler velo den elcelg,o od up not “eht i st’i tesnewr did lehwi nad tsbe we. We eallry mtasr ’sti ftsuf are we gniazma nweh sceaueb asrdge rae bouat rcae our. To ikel i erev im’ am i esur utb di’ wkno ont lilw i asy fi woh. Ameks an it ti ubt hitkn asw aalutc vedol i listl happy ,intpa taht escpae i ps,nsoia fo ntdo’ enth em na ti yuo rmoe. Atth fo eertin eovr ti so be elif uyor oot any si nitigwr olwud yelarl oyru eenss lla caepl skeam eth. And tgtinink heat ew ew nfodu uot rdtei uhmc so ti. Yniaognn lleh ’tsi sa. Ecrha it i uyo erah ’mi knwo tuo gogin to btu how udwlo rhe not to tihs uthr ucmh ot. M’i acbk i ni ot syaw lfei otin dna yngtri she ym erufes ehr us etl to sllti tdadusnnre utrh. Tphoos ye,rntcel on afboeokc got erridam i omsm erh ehs eth wsa. Vrene ti rhe rddeevse of m’i nda much so ahtt soyrr yuo ruoy she egva veol. Cake eth ytalcula emad did eroth a ,yad bset i hbatryid ofr i kaeb oru sfrdien. Odluw is uyo dna jc nthki i oadre mane ish him. Our hte reov enver asthe etdrah rof etg did we su t,ea icwhh lerrigfnid otuab. Keew !)yob ofr kdni ew a yerve hwihc yjoen do nitsnciejo do ,t etfrefdni ew fo rriuesp!s( ’tis a. Og i and talk to emit ouy i in bkac hisw ocdlu. I hignst meda rttbee dna ttha ouy mprsioe hhtuogr ti get. To os lief vhae ehsirch ethm yryveade uyo ruoy people hteer in ttah yeuro’ nda are ucylk. ’etnar happy btu we rwe’e fcetepr. Ecu’vdol ouy olve eyr’uo casbuee rvee oerm owh nhet uoy erhe gto i i ediaigmn. I hree udtow’nl ryigtn ouy eb ekep t’nidd fi. Ivgign eitmpgnt, d’ndit up we owkn aws ubt os osmtmiese ouy vnee thta i oot nkwo erdit i. Hree i’m ytedsa yuo i evlo adn seauebc uyo.

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