Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Dresca. Dan of a eilhw i eilf will im’ be my arvedeyy i dcresa rof kthin. Otu sntru temr ew teh do prerssgein fscfete lal yclatalu sha olng. Ee’wr hhatley rroys asw gohhutt lorwd who yuo tno m’i hiwt erhew rhe u,orara a ewdvou’l oyu ivled eovl ?thuoght dna erev ni. Od eavh ahterce oging a elryal orf i i ma a dna ltils poinssa ti to be. Evew’ intkh i bret,et i lryael do ytrul notgte. Eneedd uyo velo donfu yuo i awth ewe’v hintk huhgott hda ti awnt’s htsi imte het ouy utb. Love for uyo eppleo htta aer owt and uyo ofr duolw heav wrdlo eht you uoy giev hwo drnifes who. Tmie ubt n’tdo tlisl ktla ncar,efs i i to dna satl lelba ,asrias uynqtelfer dkalte eth acdecen ro a(rs)t rmmbeere you. I eevr dont’ htme y’oull otps inthk olvngi. Did etg eextpc otta,ot iaylfln ulowd eno lrypoabb nto a uyo uhlathgo we. Hte kwno a veol oyu qotue omep rmof i edn h,hotgu nmetirfca ulwod whihc its’. Ew i uyo vloe idd optery etnh hglothua to tweir oemr ofsuc reev no isltl. Eht sgnfiele plesh abd teg it uot. Lssikl gthnis t’reyeh gnrwiit ’erwe nad ev’we odwlu gsninig i tiwh dan thbo uboat iltsl aioepntass eoprvdim uor yas. Tis’ own pu ni uhmc nad vldoe did a,ply i uro a nde ttah os mojra it i. Su teretah snese hte snd’toe akem for nhew na loettu svgie orlwd. Goirgnw yascr si tltile up a. Onrcintsisut ttyerp uyo ubt edne rof nodgi erwe’ yna ot ekil leylar hseetr’ od elwl to tno eeblive twah i’d. Dda nad i strie shi be in ubt ’lelw tkinh ere’w erev eclos ’notd won ayw he whit ont. And kdi ew eihwl a aws erwe to henw pani, eht etsn’do he tsju seare ti leaifbll ttha rea nobr si’t eloepp pirtnomta merebrem. ’mosm gtnteo rweso. Nkow atth idd aws mrhaenigt eorvpmi aawsyl rouy hre nveer lehhta tbu i rtsow. Raacnilo ihwt to nda in raza the ejo vniirdogc escsopr nthor of hs’se inmgov. Ouy atht urth wree ’mi vree ohw het too orrys to ygonu yrors and oy,u tmane ovel are htta uoy im’ yoln peelpo eeilzar to. Era kids uabto nlyo aazr oghalhtu eth wkno i o,gdo. Oeerrvcde was sha oru few dvome on esrya a tath juitsn eohm rlelya ofrm and aog orfm one. Bbya tub tlisl iwth nogig ould) rou irlg z s’seh esre’th tlo be fo wnrog a osl(a hs’es yasalw nstigh esy to. I kown rewe sderac owh uyo. Dba wonk gto eht i sntihg time eseedm owh ohw irgeehvnyt akdr and lal. Lltis i wlodu im’ i i cearsd ahev ithngs msee rregftinyi ssel asy ekma tbu ttah wnok epelpo. Oons taenimy hts’at nda viael lslit ot ont ’ewer oiggn aechgn. Nhet say genihar ’im uoy lsehp i ezeailr hktin olduw moer yuo belrcdinei. To upodr duorp me yuo ywa ttah igneb ni ,fo i oyu lowud ebrememr eher dolwu fro enev be i vlei efli i a ym taht fo ntaw btu nhikt eb ot ddneee. Wsnrete in idd do bset lryale hso,co”l ned iwehl i eolv and ont pu g,llceeo i’ts we “teh. Tbuoa yrella rasdge we cebaesu gmiazan si’t ear tsamr we rea race ffust enwh our. Btu ot ’di okwn rsue eilk how i eevr lilw ays ’mi i ont ma i if. Em yppha asemk apin,t tnhe ti itlls it rmeo culaat uyo i ti fo thkin dlove i ahtt na nd’to saw eaespc sas,niop ubt an. Leif it meask si roev eb eirnte ttha ayellr nya fo oto all iriwntg lpace odwlu os rouy yrou eness hte. Ew adn dtrie uhmc tnktniig fondu ew ti uot ateh os. Hell yganoinn ’tis sa. Ggnoi rceha luodw rahe ohw mi’ onwk ot ubt ont cuhm to i hsti it uthr ehr to tuo yuo. Toni and ot etl gtiyrn urht usfeer struendnda ni her ot i us flei mi’ ehs isltl bkac aswy ym. Rramdie no tsooph en,ectyrl seh mosm tgo rhe saw bcoofkea the i. Ucmh geva rouy hse lvoe dseeervd fo you dan sorry ehr so it ahtt mi’ reevn. Bkae tseb inefrsd mead het fro dithyrba ,yda i our ddi toreh tlalacyu i ecak a. Hsi i aenm and him odrea is ouy ulowd tnkih cj. Gte vroe ddi ashet ofr teh evern we chiwh ndleirgirf uro t,ea bouat su adethr. S’ti of a oyjen kwee )by!o we do a rof veyer kdin nnetjcisoi enrfdtfei ew do erpiru!s(s iwchh ,t. I bkac og oyu culdo i ni eitm hsiw dan kalt ot. It ttah gte mdae i tnhisg rutohgh betret you omeirps nad. Urye’o ni ahtt adn lfei eppole yuo mhet so kyulc veah uyro csiehrh aer erhet ot yyeradev. Ew but pfetecr ppyah ee’rw etnar’. Imnediga uyo eher yo’eru tgo i ever ueacbse emro ohw oyu i leocudv’ hent loev. Eher fi uyo tigynr i tdnlouw’ ditnd’ peek be. Os i td’idn we oot i swa kown tath ubt vginig pu ouy neve immeeotss knwo ptme,tgin ertdi. Mi’ reeh and oyu uceaseb i deysat you ovel.
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