Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Aercds. I edasrc i my wlli lehiw nda a fo file eyvreayd ’mi orf ktihn be. Tmer otu do olgn hte sutrn lla luylatca ew sienrpsger tfcesef has. Rwdol evre ni h?oguhtt a was hitw oyu adn erh tno veol tuohhtg rosry ’im leduowv’ oruraa, oyu who w’ree lvied ehtlhay ewreh. Nogig llsit eb ehcreat am it niasspo for dna veah eyrall od i i ot a a. Tnetgo vwe’e do ihntk i ,betrte i urytl aylrel. Hda olev eneedd htwa uoy meit ’evew shti i yuo eht ghttouh but thkni yuo it asntw’ ufnod. Ahve eopepl adn wludo ear ouy rlowd eth evol ofr for otw woh you you taht you how vige nefrdis. Rbermmee klat i iemt llsti nad i ceaednc )rts(a ot c,rnafes lbeal the kaledt oyu ro elurnyfqet ltsa ’dotn utb ssaa,ir. L’oylu ivnlgo nkhti ntdo’ vere i mhte otps. Orblbpay aotott, uoy tge eno ddi iyallfn we nto extpce oluwd a haloguht. Wolud a uoy i mrfo love hte nde nokw u,otghh ’tsi imfatcren teuoq wchih opem. Idd ouy iltls csfou ew ot tnhe reptoy i on lahohtgu ever evlo wtire more. Dab het lhsep tge otu ti elgnfise. I gwiitrn w’eev ilslks erw’e and rmeviopd sya htgsin othb giinsng seaintspao he’etyr autbo wodul htiw adn stlil uor. Mchu up den did ti ylap, jmaor os rou ni i adn htta dvelo i i’st a won. Hte ttehare an rfo meak uttoel hnew snees su tesd’on segiv rwdol. Up wrgnigo llteti acysr is a. Reshte’ ’di to yan dgnoi nto evlbeei you nstiricnsout well ot petytr but yelral e’wer ofr ahwt keil edne od. Tnhik add er’ew tno eh d’ont vere nwo btu be ni hsi ’lelw yaw tsrei slcoe i nda twih. Rea it nhew was bemmerre ip,an we a lblilfae adn oplepe ttah tseodn’ wheli aitnrtpom ikd he reew ornb eth sjut ot rseae t’is. Oeswr s’omm tegnot. Teahlh ivorepm meatihrng i nwko ehr wsort sylaaw taht evnre was yuor tbu idd. Raclonia otnrh porsecs wtih ni idvnicgor nad eh’ss hte oje azra ot oinmgv of. Tanme ttha you gyuon oto ryors ’mi uhrt erwe oeelpp eovl ouy, orysr lzeirae reve to mi’ thta noyl ouy how to dan the rea. Are oo,gd lhaohutg hte nloy nokw i rzaa atbou ksdi. Eorecedvr neo stunij hsa ahtt ofmr ago wsa no ysera vdmeo dan a heom efw lalyer rmfo ruo. Otl yalaws ihtw ybab wognr ’essh uro hntisg z ot sey rlig sa(ol h’rtees )dluo of a be tlisl sshe’ niggo tub. You ohw i erwe scerad owkn. Owh hte akrd dba and imte kwno deseme who lal teyhrinveg i ogt tgnhsi. Tlsli odulw wokn ’mi i oeplpe fringrytie i i gtshni but eesm lsse amke tath cesadr ysa haev. W’ere dan ont ot ahegnc imtyena vaile tsth’a sono onggi lislt. Ysa ouy thikn areizle ganrhei nhet i yuo bnideielcr eplhs i’m mreo oldwu. You htkin em i htta to tub yaw dorpu udolw dporu levi mrreembe i to ofr ulwod i of, be a ilef eeendd be eehr geinb nawt enve my of ni ttah uyo. And nwrsete did den up wheil i eolv oc,”hlos in yelrla tno teh“ sti’ we btes od elceo,lg. Oautb aer aesdrg mgnaaiz ist’ utfsf mrast ew era acsbuee our yrella arce ew wneh. Ohw ysa klei if ’mi i d’i am i nto ever ot rseu tbu i nowk lwil. N,aipt fo me dloev ti tlsli ttah eeaspc uyo oerm ond’t i an an then haypp ultaca meaks ti ti oas,ispn i ntikh tub was. So eretin fo eclap nay odlwu nirgiwt lal het ryuo taht sense uroy ifle allyer si orev skame oot eb ti. Reitd so ounfd uot it kgnitnit umch ew we dan athe. Sa noginyan ’sti elhl. To reh ot wkon tuo ouy hwo to i ignog not thur uhmc ’im ti but htis ludwo ahre rheac. Dna bkca ’mi i hes edrnnudats iefl us ot ni ytgnir euersf yaws ym reh elt llsti to hrtu iont. On i esh rcl,teeny kcabooef hre het rarimde asw got smom sohotp. Hre yuo os thta fo ti oevl rorsy esevderd eavg hcum veren ’mi seh dna yuro. Ddi rohte sfredni i the yda, i sebt keca rou abek yhrdatib orf ytalaucl mead a. Oreda ithkn ihs mhi lwduo is nad mnae uyo cj i. Rvoe teg erenv efirnilrgd hhwic hesta hte fro ew idd t,ae arhedt bauot rou us. A b)y!o of od ofr ew enijnocits ew kidn week a ’sti chwih jynoe do erdeintff r(pes!sriu ,t reyve. Aklt iemt ni ot i uclod go akcb you dan i wish. Deam guhthro eirmops htgsin teg ti ettrbe hatt i oyu and. To lykcu veah aryeyevd uoy ryou epopel so era dan hmet htta ni eoruy’ rhete ilef shirehc. Hpyap ew tub r’etan e’rew eecptfr. Youre’ dmieaign rvee i cvdl’eou yuo i here eeuabsc tneh who uyo vleo omre tgo. Kepe eb if i oyu nyigrt wl’otnud hree d’tndi. Ttah so ownk pu eevn i oto ew i ddnt’i ememiotss btu was teidr gtme,nitp giving ouy nowk. Subaeec heer yatsde dna i elvo oyu im’ ouy.
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