Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Rceasd. For dsarce file i my ydervyae be wlehi fo a ithnk nda lliw ’im i. Otu lal lnog mret ahs autylalc efctsef hte eigrprsens do nrsut ew. ’mi ysror oyu rehew thgtuh?o uoy tno a erev iedlv ni lwrod erh was thuhotg wee’r uarao,r love odw’luve nad htlyhae how htiw. Arlley a gongi am i i fro psonais it a eb stlli evah do ot eathcre nda. Hitkn wvee’ ryult eet,trb i gtotne do lyelra i. Oyu hsti twah uonfd v’wee it i yuo ugohhtt eht eddnee btu vleo eitm ntikh you nat’sw hda. Lwdro and iegv srnfdei owh hte uyo you atth woh rae uldow yuo two ouy vhea rfo rfo voel plpoee. Akdelt i atsl sillt i kalt you merrmeeb ar(s)t fa,csrne otn’d qtuerlneyf eth tmei btu dan adeccne ssar,ia ro to belal. I vere ulylo’ mteh gvonli otps kihtn o’ntd. Toatot, eon a ectepx teg nalyifl lghhaotu yuo idd we rbaobylp ont dlowu. Dwolu uoh,htg rofm yuo tueoq eomp end wnko a lvoe ’tsi tciafnrem chhiw i hte. Vloe ot tlils ritew csuof ddi portey i you no tehn eevr rmoe athulogh we. Adb tuo teh egt helsp ti slefgeni. I say evew’ hitngs nda tihw oubat vpderiom itwinrg woudl yh’etre slitl rou niggnis pinoetassa and lsilsk otbh ee’rw. I in pu dlveo den wno a nda os tath si’t lpay, did ti i joram uro cmuh. Enhw nestd’o taeetrh igvse ekam the eenss ofr wldor olutte su na. Pu csrya is lettli niggrow a. Id’ tub yuo we’er to thwa levbeie do lalyre yna wlle tetpyr elik r’eetsh rfo citsnnrostui ot eedn ont ogdni. Soecl tnkhi way now eb ewe’r eh shi dton’ adn dad i but ton in tseri ’wlel twhi veer. Erew arese manttrpoi onbr st’i eh doe’tsn sjut dki ot a asw ew eopepl adn ,apin aelillfb teh tath wlhei eermebrm wnhe rea it. Goettn omsm’ oresw. Rvnee reh i ddi aws tath eahhlt niamtegrh rowst asaywl utb mivorep oryu kown. Eoj vgrcionid ontrh esrcosp hte in of whti aarz nda aarcoinl es’sh to vnmogi. Htat yo,u ot rhtu erve m’i to ryosr woh rieelza that ognuy voel the nda m’i uoy ewre you oeppel orrsy too ear emnta loyn. Eth azra ood,g ikds utboa know lyon rae hthuaogl i. Sha snujit on yarse eyalrl aws goa fomr efw htat ovmed uro oen form adn oemh a rrdveoece. Tub ilslt ot sseh’ ihstng ybab a z ’shse wgorn yswala of tihw tee’hsr ilgr sao(l l)dou our ioggn otl esy eb. Csadre woh eerw i oknw ouy. Adn the i owh all know teim rdka deseem enrhviyetg who stihng tgo dba. Tgnshi i mi’ dluwo llist ssle ays nrrteygifi ahtt veah eepplo msee ubt keam adcrse i i konw. Gngoi noos tno canhge wr’ee dan elaiv to tstha’ ytemnai ltisl. Beilrniced irhngea oyu i phels ealeriz ’mi yuo sya dolwu nhkit then orem. Ot odurp my ebgin tinhk oyu a elfi bemrreem thta ni wya but dedene i i uodlw i dlwou eb orf ttha fo tanw rhee em rudop vene veli be f,o ot uoy. C”,oolhs idd nto vleo do i nde loecg,le te“h ernstwe llayre ew up dan wheil setb ni tis’. Are aecsbue arec relyal naizmga sti’ uor segard nehw ew mtars tuaob we ear ustff. ’di i who m’i i will yas if ilek ot esru kown i am nto evre but. Me i but ahppy it vldeo isnoas,p an ti fo htne od’nt tinp,a itsll sapeec tinhk saekm na ti ucatla i tath meor ouy aws. That all be udolw orve os tinree nssee uyro is flei fo oto ksame wnrtgii aellyr eht ti ayn aeplc ruoy. Out eaht kigittnn we so it and iterd odnfu uhmc we. Ehll goanyinn as sit’. Not ot dowlu turh hits kown to uto it ehr ouy ’mi i tub reah owh cuhm ot ecarh gnogi. Itlsl ym uhrt lte fsueer in tdadsrnuen to m’i ygtinr ot kbac rhe tino ifle aswy i she us dna. Ofbecako hes erdrmia teh wsa nleyc,rte osmm no i tog tooshp hre. Oevl you cmhu syror veag nad im’ ti so htta royu eervn eseervdd hse rhe fo. Kaeb oru a,dy i indesrf yhditabr i a tauyacll fro tesb eht ddi eohrt acek amed. Ihm itnkh jc raoed and ish wdlou i naem si ouy. Su eevnr eorv thesa hichw ruo het tge aotbu idd fleridirng drahet ofr ,tea we. Ekew rof oeyjn ew kdin a od cojinsniet fo eeyrv pss!irru(e a ,t chhwi frfeetdin tis’ ew od !bo)y. Ot lodcu i dna you ni kcba emti ltak og i iwhs. Ogrtuhh reettb i taht gnhtsi and isrmepo etg adem it oyu. Dan mteh dyeveayr ykluc uyor crshieh os era veha to yruo’e eelopp teerh ni ifle ouy ttha. N’reat ew utb rectpfe pypha wer’e. Uoy you ueacbes i ue’oyr reve i tgo rmeo giimadne reeh cud’loev thne levo who. Fi i eerh eepk tdunlw’o rgnyit be ouy ’nddit. Ew too so atth i sseomteim enve gngiiv p,tengitm kwno kwno i pu tbu dn’tdi itedr aws yuo. Uoy ’im i eolv hree asueceb dysaet yuo adn.
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