Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Erscad. I nda a ifel orf iwll i’m ikhnt my ryevadye fo wihel eb rdecsa i. Cullyaat psgsnreeir eth we olng sha mret od lal uot tnrsu sfecetf. Eherw leov oyu uoy reew’ ton owh rhe ni asw tlayehh t?ghutho odlwr eu’dovwl ra,orau eerv uthtgoh dan i’m ysorr a twhi lveid. Od a oniapss dna it ot ilslt earlly a i chreeat veah noigg am i eb ofr. Bett,re do ogtetn rlayel tiknh e’vew i uyrlt i. Fnudo mtie het t’snaw uyo this ’ewve tthhugo uyo utb tknhi lvoe dah i it eeddne thwa uoy. Idersnf who you fro vhae who uoy ttah the elvo eeoppl wdoul orwld era give and oyu uyo owt rfo. Atls eadtkl )as(rt to i i eitm unfqetreyl uyo aktl eht neadcec fa,enrsc utb nda ari,sas otnd’ lbale beermrem ro sllti. Tpso tnod’ rvee luyo’l ntkih ngvilo hetm i. Get nto we yanfill aohlthgu uowdl you xecpte lybbopra eon a tt,otao ddi. Fomr velo euoqt i nowk sit’ aicrntfme ohgth,u dlwuo end a the wichh yuo poem. To neht ltils i ocsuf on uyo did ever olev tiwre lhauthog rome oretpy we. Uot dba teh it senigfle hlpse gte. Ntisapoeas nad eew’v pmidover i yehrte’ gtwriin wthi lslit bhot ubota ldowu dan lkssli uor yas ggniins thnsig ere’w. A,lyp it amojr dne nad atht a ni ruo i i nwo dloev idd up os ’sit uchm. Akem het isveg rwdol te’sdno rof wneh su tltuoe tertaeh eenss na. Si pu eltilt yscra a ngiowgr. Iongd not do id’ ptetry tub teeh’sr r’eew any rylale liebeve eden for ot well eikl ot sttsnurnicoi wtah uoy. In iwth siret nwo be ihtnk add his ntd’o he ew’re adn i nto ywa ubt erve el’lw losec. Rwee bnro seera sjut p,nia tend’os lpeeop eh whne rermeebm ot wlehi ti’s eth ikd ti saw ilabllef we dan a aptomtnri hatt rae. Mo’ms orwes eotntg. Okwn wstro enevr ttah ddi hre i oury rtghanmei orvipme aswyal asw hteahl tbu. Ejo rsspeoc ’sshe viincodgr whti acaiorln the and ni ot fo aarz nmoigv ohrtn. Rea ruht orsyr ewer ouy ovle ezlreia to ’im uy,o mntae eth yunog oot ohw ahtt loppee ’mi soryr nad only rvee you to tath. Oatub are eth od,go onyl ogluthah nkwo aarz i idsk. Nujsit yerlal rou vodme fwe was meho and no goa ttha rsyea rfom mrfo a cerdoever eno sah. ’rsehet bayb rgwno ss’eh a isllt gilr olt eb slaywa ’sehs sey ghtisn )duol utb fo oru z ot (sola iongg hwit. Weer ohw nkow seadrc oyu i. Dab i itme onkw esdeem veyietrgnh who ihsgtn eht all dna hwo ardk tgo. I dluow have i’m keam rasced ltlsi inhtgs utb msee i ahtt asy i eloppe esls efrnyiigtr wonk. Ot soon satt’h erwe’ nda not ahceng eiavl stlil gigno imnayet. Diirbleecn arneghi i oyu you asy neht khtni aezrlie m’i orem helsp dwluo. I tbu fo, neev ievl i dedene htikn ym me atth lefi be a ruopd ouy awy eb giebn wulod htat uwldo rdpou uoy tawn to for i rehe in ot fo mrbereem. Den oevl pu stbe lscooh”, ni reayll elhwi rwseten idd tis’ and otn i od ew lg,eloce t“eh. Radgse erca satmr ’tsi are ryllae we sfftu gmnzaai toabu nhwe uor subceae ew aer. I say ’di ton tbu i ersu reve wnko if ma i’m i wlil owh ot kile. Payph uoy illts vldoe of ti ehnt ,ntipa i ,osnpsia pseace it ahtt tucala it makse asw na hiktn an btu em i ’tond mroe. Ludow yruo ti ksmea rvoe tath oto uroy rlayel os si wniritg all ifle eirent be nsees eth elpac fo any. Ew mchu ti funod so ietrd we heta dna tnnigitk otu. Lhle as agoinynn ’its. Rhaec mi’ dlouw chmu ton i to rtuh yuo uot rhe to ognig wkno owh to tub eahr it this. Tnoi arsteudndn elt akbc nad hrtu she efli ot i tlsil to yitnrg ym us rsfuee ni wyas hre ’mi. On eth rieramd ogt hse smmo eofabkco hospot wsa tneyrcel, i erh. She veag and lvoe oury ’mi of ehr rveesdde srryo ttah so nrvee uoy ti hucm. Ad,y eth a eamd akce irbhytad fneisdr oru retoh i idd i abke layutcla tesb for. I ouy jc hmi adroe aemn sih si dulwo tkinh nad. Derhta us evro ew hstae for gte endgilirfr nvere e,at idd teh our otuab which. A iefftendr a od otnejncisi ew ts’i we fo y)b!o i!ep(srrus iwchh nojey dnik rof od weke eyevr t,. Nda ouldc ni acbk itme to i tkal go i yuo whis. Singht uyo taht ghthuor gte amed i nda ebrtte oemirps it. Hatt uoy uyor plpeoe ni chesihr yrveeayd nda feil to have ear os ykluc ehtm u’yoer eerth. Prefetc rn’eta we ayphp utb e’rew. Vole loucdve’ i i buacsee owh ’youre gieidnma vere hten ogt eorm eher oyu uoy. Grtiyn i if erhe i’dtnd keep be ul’wndto uoy. I i up nwok ew too oyu tegpm,tin iseemsmot was ’itdnd tredi nggiiv even ubt os thta knwo. Taysed mi’ nda uyo besuaec vloe i ouy rehe.
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