A letter from May 18th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Hi, how are you doing? Hopefully a lot better than the world is right now. I am on day 16 of lock down, the time is exactly 10:10pm, funny how that works. This global pandemic is surely a worry that I hope the world is recovering from steadily by the time you read this. Currently, our PM Boris is in the intensive care unit due to having COVID-19, as the UK hits its highest ***** toll in 24 hours at 938, the total deaths coming to 7,097. There are many people suffering, and more and more people are catching it, I don't know any people who have had the virus yet, but I do know people who know people, let's hope it stays that way. My second year at sixth form didn't exactly end the way I'd hope, we were told on Wed 18th of March that the 20th would be the last day any students will attend school, a rushed 2 days full of uncertainty about A Levels and not getting to properly say goodbye to friends and teachers with whom I've bonded with for the past year and a half. Our grades are decided by teacher assessments, we don't even get the opportunity to put my future in my own hands, if I decided to do this I would be a year behind everyone else my age, which isn't exactly my most ideal situation, so now let's just hope the teachers have faith in me in these uncertain times. My ideal place to go is obviously Manchester with PwC, if you got there, I am so proud of you! If you didn't, I am still so proud. I often dream about what I'll be doing by the time this letter gets to you, have you found a new boyfriend? When/if, do myself and Joe break up? Where are you living? I am at the age now where I am learning to overcome my insecurities. High school was a big battle for me in which I never cried for help, and now I have grown to love myself, even if I am putting on 3 stones a day! I hope you still love yourself because I reckon we have done so much to be proud of (and admittedly made a lot of mistakes too.) Although times like now are meant to be scary, I feel at peace with who I am and which path I'm meant to be going down, even if it isn't my most wanted, everything happens for a reason right? I regret when looking back at my teenage years and being sad for no reason, what a waste of time! Although in college I have hit a new problem, my friends are BORING! There is so much to do and see and explore and so many mistakes to be made and I have a hard time convincing any of my friends to adventure with me. I have never truly felt like I 'fitted in' to any particular friend group until the end of high school, so I'm not sure why I decided to switch up on them when I came to sixth form, where now I feel even worse and more like an outcast than ever! Although, I am not sad about it, I take each day as it comes and learn with it. I am hoping I get at least sometime this summer to live my best life and say goodbye before my next chapter. I am still working at the restaurant (Espanol) and doing deliveries, I hope we make it through these times as a small business because they have been a big contribution to my happiness since the start of sixth form, me, Grace and Tommy going out on a Friday after work is the HIGHLIGHT of my week, I cannot wait to continue this hopefully when lockdown is over. A couple of weeks have passed now since I last wrote, Boris is okay, however my head is slowly going mad! I am on a social media break at an attempt to stop criticizing myself, as all that is to do is look in the mirror and tear myself down. Week 8? I think? Of lockdown and the gov have said we are allowed to see one other member of a different household as long as we stay 2 metres apart, I am dying for a hug but I have no idea who I need one off. Work is still busy, which at least gets me out the house, and retail therapy seems to be at the very forefront of my mind most days. My first semester at Manchester has officially been made online, if I even end up at Manchester, the idea that my first A-Level was meant to be in 2 weeks and now I have none, baffles my mind. Although, I do reckon I am in a much better place mentally than if exams were still on, I would be a nervous wreck that's for sure. Obviously I am still terrified for the grades I will be getting on results day, but as long as I can go to Leeds or Manchester I will be very happy, and that's all that matters. Often people speak of 'What would you say to your 18 yo self?', well here's what 18 year old me is saying to you: stay happy, nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and remember to live and not just breathe, I'm sure you're doing amazing. I love you! And I hope you do too. Best wishes and hugs, 18 year old you:) PS. I hope you spent your last few months with Ralph wisely, I love that boy. And if Nana & Grandad are still as they are, make the most of it. PSS. What are the Sidemen up to now a days? Fave Artists: Post Malone, 1D, 5SOS, Mostack Fave Series: Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Teen Wolf Best Friends: Grace Giffin, Louise Smith, Annabel Read