A letter from May 18th, 2020

Dear 21 year old me, First off, happy 21! **** you're getting old. I literally have no idea where you might be right now but I hope you're happy with your life. For all I know, you could be homeless or maybe just living a happy life in New York since I know that's our dream place. Let's just hope for the best lmao. So at the moment, there's a global pandemic going on outside so I haven't been able to go out into the real world for a while. I'm stuck in the house with both mom and dad and you know how they can be. It really is torture out here but I'm surviving (barely). Dad and I had a fight yesterday about going over Natalie's house because he doesn't want me going out because I might catch corona or give it to someone (as if I have it like I haven't left the house or physically been with someone since this whole **** started LMFAO). He's just being overdramatic and overprotective as always, it's so ******* annoying. Like I'm so ******* depressed it's pathetic and I need to actually talk to someone other than my parents in person before I actually lose my mind. I was deadass about to lose my cool yesterday and punch a ******* hole in the wall but I suppressed it. I deadass told dad that I wasn't happy and he was like "well you're just gonna have to be upset a little longer," like literally **** you. Anyway, that's how homelife is lmfaoooo. So how are you? Are you with anyone right now? Do you have a gf? a bf? (GASP) LMFAO. I'm talking to a girl named Eva right now and she seems pretty cool. She always calls me hot and deadass wants to hookup and I'm like, aight bet LMAO. She invited me to hang out with her and her friends next tuesday and there's no way I'll be able to do it because of my mentally insane parents but it was a nice gesture. She lives in Providence which is only like 30 mins away from here which isn't bad at all tbh. I really hope that we work out because she seems pretty cool and I would love to hang with her and get to know her more. We've actually facetimed twice so far and it's not too bad, she's fun. As far as my life right now, it's honestly not the best but I know that it can only get better from here. I just hope this whole corona **** clears up a bit because I miss my friends and actually being able to talk to people in person. Being home with mom and dad 24/7 is so ******* bad and I just need a break. Literally both of them get on my nerves at least once a day and I don't even want to talk to them at all. Mom is sleeping on the couch all the time now, she doesn't sleep in her bed because "it's broken" as she says, she's constantly watching the TV which causes more fights between her and dad and it's so annoying. She only sleeps on the couch so she's constantly downstairs and I can't escape her. God, it's terrible. She also goes out way more than necessary and constantly puts me and dad at risk for getting the stupid virus and she apparently has "underlying conditions" and still goes so it's super annoying. One of her reasons for not letting me go over Natalie's house was the fact that her mom has "underlying conditions" (her cancer) but the tumor's gone and she's even said that she's fine and wants me over the house but of course mom is just gonna ignore her. And dad is paranoid because all he watches is the news so there's no way he's gonna let me leave the house. Guess I just gotta suffer :) Anyway, I've been watching a lot of movies and shows lately. I made an entire list of all the movies I've watched during this quarantine and some of my favs have been Interstellar, Call me by your name, Scott Pilgrim vs the world (miles recommended that one haha), The Hangover, Ready player one, and 21 Jump Street. I'm definitely gonna watch more but I kinda stopped for a bit recently because I've been watching Criminal Minds and just started watching Outer Banks one Netflix. Oh, I wanted to mention **** about school, so we have online school now and it's a force fr. They have us do two class google meets a day and they're an hour long but most of them only last 30-40 minutes. Each class gives us one assignment a week and we only have three more to go thank god but ugh I hate it, especially DeSimone's classes. I have her for psychology and history and they're both terrible, but history's even worse. She asks us questions to answer and literally no one speaks so we just sit there in awkward silence, it's terrible. She cancelled this week's history meet because of AP tests thank god because I was not in the mood to deal with that this week. But, I do have team sports that same day and he's making us do a stupid show and tell thing where we have to pick an item that represents us in some way and we have to talk about it, it's so ******* stupid like this is a gym class sir please take several seats. He also makes us watch a video and asks us what we thought about it, it's so bad. Like, just let us chill out that is too much, it's a GYM class. Ugh anyway, yea that's how school is going but It's also over and I'm gonna be a senior, isn't that insane. Wtf, my high school career is so close to being over. I pray that this **** isn't still happening next year because then I won't get a proper graduation like the seniors this year, I feel terrible for them :( So at the beginning of all this, I really wanted to start working out so I could come out of this quarantine ******* ripped or like in really good shape but I gave up after like 2 weeks so my body is ****** as **** and I haven't even been eating well lmfao **** me. I really wanna try to work out so I could have a nice summer body when all the restrictions are let up and we can go to the beach. I just wanna look good in a bikini tbh lmao, my abs are nonexistent and I hate it lmfao. I've also been spending a lot of time in tiktok and there are so many pretty girls with amazing bodies and god if I looked like any of them I wouldn't know how to handle myself. Tiktok do be hella addicting tho, it's so bad. I decided to delete it the other day which was a dumbass idea because all my drafts got deleted so that's just wonderful, I was so disappointed like I truly had no idea that was gonna happen but of course. I had a lot of drafts too :( whatever, it's fine, just gotta deal with it lmao. Anyway, I honestly hope you're doing well. You should obviously be in college by now and I hope you were able to pick a major and stick with it. I still don't know if I want to go to art school and maybe become a tattoo artist or go into psychology. I hope I got into a good school tho, if not I guess it's okay. As long as I'm happy that's all that matters. Hopefully, you made some good friends, I'm really hoping you did because a ***** do be lonely and you need some good people to be around. Be careful if you're going to parties and ****. I hope you lost your virginity already LMAO like if you haven't had *** yet that's an issue, pls fix it HAHA. Did you get any cool tattoos?? I really hope you did because you know how much we love tattoos. God, I can't believe you're 21 dude, that's crazy. Hopefully you have your license, this whole corona **** ****** up my driving lessons so idk how that's gonna work. Let's just hope it all worked out lmfao. Well, I guess this is goodbye for now, I wish you happiness and love !! Happy 21 !! Hope it treats u well <3 Love, Your 16-year-old self <3