A letter from May 18th, 2020

Heyyyy So, this is kinda weird huh? Mainly, because i really dont know how I'm gonna be in 5 years. Like, at all. Last time i did this, I was 13, to my 18 year old self. But back then it was easy, I was gonna be finishing high school, or in my first year of college. But now, what the **** am I gonna be doing in 5 years? Well, if I end up getting into a masters degree, I imagine i end it by 2024 (i hope i did it in 2 years) and now, i would like to think I'm adventuring out in some country, working at a caffee or something, just to get by. I feel kinda weird writing this, I'm not gonna lie, cuz last time i realised how basic my view on life was (i guess thats what growing up means), but hey, i did come back to some things i had forgotten abt myself, so i wanna set up a challenge for ya. Right now, im kinda interessed in a couple of things, and even if things dont work out the way im planning right now, i think its still cool stuff to know about. So, I hope that i figured ou how to 3d model, play guitar and make like, REALLY fancy cocktails. Idk, just spitting out ideas i guess. Oh yeah, the BIG thing right? I bet u cant wait to remember how u felt when the ******* rug was pulled from under ur feet with the whole corona thing. Well, i cant sum it up for ya really easily. It ******* sucks. Everyday that passes by i just want to go back to my little flat with Acores and Raquel, but i just have to realise thats not my life anymore (and i might be living with Acores another year, so that sounds like fun). Well, last time, i wrote a bunch of things i hope i had done until then, witch is dumb. I guess this time i would really like to tell u some things i would like you to remember, cuz if there's anything i've learnt, is that making plans for the future just makes you disapointed with what u eventually get. So from now on I wanna live in the present. And u are probably thinking, "oh, i was so juvenile, i cant always live in the present" - **** that. Cuz lemme tell you something, thats what all these boring people, that love to blame the world for their boring *** lives say. You own your life, comon dude. 25 year huh? god youre old. is it normal now? does kids calling you sir ever become normal? is it still weird when u get in one of your childhood friend's car (cuz when the **** did they learn how to drive). And since were talking abt these mushhy stuff, how's ur love life? this might be the scariest part of all of this growing up stuff. We both know there's something wrong with me, and i end up giving up on relationships as quick as i get into them. I guess i just hope u got all that figured out. Dont get me wrong, i dont need you to be married, i just wish ure able to have a healty relationship without ******* things up. Can i get into a bit of a dark space before i say goodbye? I'm so scared. i know its childish, but I'm so scared to grow up. i'm so scared for things to not end up being what i want them to be. For my life to be as boring as everyone elses. I cant imagine myself in 5 years, witch is why im so scared abt it. i know i love to preach living in the present, but it also comes with a sad side, the darkness ahead. I really hope that if youre in any problem, financial, social, idc, i hope this letter gives you the courage you need to GET OUT. it might be the cowards way out, but just know its a possibility, okay? Honestly, i know its such a boring thing to say, but i really just want u to be happy. the future now is so unpredictable, that if i end up in portugal forever, but im happy that way, then its fine. Dont mistake that for giving up tho. - YOU ARE THE ADVENTURES YOU HAVE - So dont stay at home. Have you been working all day and u just wanna lay down? NO. Go out, thats where the world is. Thats where the adventure begins.