A letter from May 17th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, This is the first time I am writing a letter five years into the future. I have no idea if you still exist in five years. From what I have experienced receiving letters from the past up until now, the future, even if it is a day, a moment, of five years later can look very different. A moment is still a moment, that may seem to last forever, like that anxiety may seem everlasting in those five minutes but it can change so quickly like it was never there. This scares me. It makes me wonder if the in the moment is valid and what it means. I hope you have a boyfriend, who, like a quote i saw on instagram yesterday, ''will be fascinated by you...completely and breathtakingly fascinated by you.'' I hope you can look back to me and feel love for me. I'm trying really hard to become you and to put forth energy that will create you in a good state. I hope you are integrated more and have been able to reduce your stress levels a lot. I hope you have support around you. I hope you have found security and some form of longevity or a structure you can rely on, togetherness that is a source of strength and that even though the world sucks sometimes around you you have all this good stuff and problems but not really 'problems' if you know what i mean. You will be 33 years old. What I am realising now is that I write these letters not for you but for the me now. And in this it doesn't matter if this letter arrives five years from now or if email, the internet, or this website is still running. It gives me some sense of hope that there is more, that there is a future where more things are possible and that with the passing of times I just have to keep focused on what I want to create and things will keep improving, like they have from my past to this future. I am also realising that you need to have a lot to be able to share. People share because they have a lot and they can give more of themselves. I would like to have a lot so I can share a lot. All the things I describe here in this letter that I hope for you, are things I hope for myself in this moment. I cannot know what to hope for you because I do not know you. I hope all these things come true for the me now, only then can you hope for new things in the future. All this is is me getting clear on what it is that I am wanting, to realise that there is indeed a future, to feel some hope for that and therefore feel some less stress in the here and now. And for you it can be a reminder of what you have achieved and what it was like to be here, in this moment. It's a sunny day in May, I'm on my couch looking out the window at trees, hearing the wind blow through them. I hope I am safe. I hope I am sound. I hope I stand my ground. <3 I love you a lot. This life sure is something, isn't it?