A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hello, what's poppin??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BO$$ A$$ *****, are you happy?are you wearing gold sparkles? right now you're 23, unemployed and technically homeless :) but suuuper happy and sound minded, i hope you're reading this and its not ******* quarantine anymore. It's been officially 2 months of quarantine since you worked at the bauer kitchen, right now you're staying in Tyler's apartment and it's rainy outside and you're about to move back to puslinch tomorrow. Yesterday was your tattoo appointment in South Africa but that was cancelled :| i've had my sad moment over not being able to go and having to move out of the Hickory house without a happy goodbye also our plan of moving to toronto with binx right after africa has been postponed, but i know i'll go in the future and quarantine has really helped my mentality and well being, i feel like i'm a better person for it. Some things i've done in quarantine are; drive to toronto to hangout in the car with bianca and jenny, eat a lot of food (like a lot), binge watch modern family, dead to me and brooklyn nine-nine, go for daily drives with music, tiktok takes up most of my day, like literally seven consecutive hours of watching tik-toks. i cook a lot more now, my tattoo machine arrived so i'm excited to use that, i hope when i read this im covered in dope *** tattoos. also pinterest. ~what would i describe myself as, act like? dress like?~ i would currently describe myself as ******* hilarious, super positive, zen, patient, creative, maybe a bit more empathetic than i used to be. i've started taking my interest in spirituality more serious, manifesting and laws of attraction. Also within the past like 6 months i see 444 everywhere and can feel a higher vibration for myself i imagine that's what has been making me feel so happy lately. I have awesome girlfriends friends like jenny, bianca, ty, bailey, rachel, mahdis, becca, cass, robyn. I hope you're still being the best version of yourself. I literally dress in pajamas everyday (quarantine) my eyebrows havent been waxed in months, my nails are rachet and i really dont put effort in my appearance, although im pumped to dress like a normal person again, online shopping is taking a serious hit to the bank account but i ordered cute jumpsuits and dresses and jewlery. i hope you're sweet *** has managed to save money and not spent it all like i do now :) omg i also just realized i'll be 29 reading this thats literally ******* crazy i refuse to be that old, although just as cute and hilarious and radiating positive energy!!!! i am super single and LOVING it!! currently don't have many men on the cycle, Ive been messaging with andreas and thats about it but i'm not making the effort to see him in quarantine, this shorty needs to snap back to her best self before i see a man lmaoo. Last time i saw may was a month ago, i went to his families house ate dinner and we hungout as friends, i know for a fact that man is no where near your life now lmao. a bad habit i have is maybe being too much of a giver and not a taker! i think you know what this means, but im making a conscious effort to not allow relationships that don't feed me the same effort in return, i'm in full form of the 'none of my business' mentality. im making the effort to not feel so overwhelmed or anxious when i am friends with people who are literally dumber than me and have no common sense. im trying to be patient with those who don't know how to adult and fend for themselves, its frustrating but also not my problem :) i literally do not have any drama in my life and i am really good at deciding how/what i react to. based on how it affects me and reflecting on why do i allow it to affect me. i hope you're still doing that i really like that about me. i listen to j.cole, kali uchis, doja cat, da baby, abby jasmine, some drizzy, lots of r&b, i've taken a break with art stuff right now, supplies are limited and im fkn ummployed but my brain has so many ideas and inspirations, i wanna tattoo my friends and learn eyelash extensions, make a book of all my tweets and sell it, maybe even sell those black book diaries anonomously, i wanna start modelling when the world is open again, maybe make personalized acrylic ashtrays for my friends. ~how do i feel about myself and position in the world~ considering the global pandemic ive actually been thinking about this a lot. im fully aware the vastness of the universe and how little i really mean in the entire planet, esp how we all end up dead anyway :) this makes me realise the bigger picture and how important it is to me to live my best life and be the truest version of my constant changing universe. im making the effort to be kind, helpful but not taken advantage of, gentle yet radiant of energy, calm and patient and really not giving a **** about what others think about me. i am learning to be very aware of my actions within the world, i'm learning how things i say affect people, minding my business yet knowing the right timing to say my opinions, learning that actions and words in life might mean more to someone else than it does for me and recognizing that. im learning the importance of self reflection and being entirely responsible for everything in my life (my reactions, thoughts, emotions, feeling) i believe that since life is ever so changing that there isn't a destination or timeline for myself, i move at my own pace and make my own decisions in my life. i hope you still smoke weed atleast twice a month :) i would definitely be my own friend at this point in my life, my relationships with bianca and jenny and ty are the strongest right now, also rachel to, weve gotten really close living in waterloo. i just started talking to mom again, we didn't talk for about 7 months until now, were not close, she knows nothing about my life other than me moving back because africa is cancelled but we dont fight or argue, i don't allow conversations to turn sour and when she's in a mood i make the effort to walk away and not let her negativity affect me. i like it that way. dad is obvi my favourite human in the world, he has built his shop in the lot and i think he's happy. i would really like to go back to trinidad with just dad, his life chats are always great and im literally his favourite son! fred recently died but charlie is keeping mom and dad happy. is there a comma in our bank account? i'm aware money has been a struggle personally but im confident i'll have the financial stability i need. that's pretty much the only worry i have right now although i am grateful that the universe is providing me with everything i need and i am so grateful for that. i'm unsure about going back to school, no clue what for i know i want to be my own boss and live life with my rules, if your not doing that now than maybe you should take the time to self reflect everything you've taught yourself. my goal currently is to travel, i want to make the money and spend it on experiences, eat new food, find a happy place wherever i visit. i don't think assuming i dont live in ontario is a far stretch, hopefully this email is another reminder to LIVE MY BEST ******* LIFE. maybe reading my naive 23 year old self preach about the importance of YOLO is a epiphany i'll need. honestly liz, as long as your happy and healthy than life isn't so bad. if you're in a relationship i hope you're with someone who respects you and generally loves how you love, i hope you have lots of fun naked and freaky together and don't be all weird about getting married and what not, i clearly don't care now but im sure being surrounded with friends that age with impact you! we already know its nearly impossible to be with someone just as funny as you but i'll allow this to be the only standard you can lower. I love a good lightskin/cultured man, white guys now are sooooo vanilla and plain and boring and you deserve to be with someone just as **** as you!! is he nice to the family? does he understand the crazy parts of you? does he accept that you will live your life how you chose? does he want to buy you a shiney fat diamond? if you're single than that's fine too you are a queen and treat yourself like one!!!! are you still being selfish in the good way? are you accepting people as they are? are you doing something you love? are you taking risks and adventures? anyway, have the best ******* birthday today you hot a$$ bish, keep improving yourself and constantly growing:) also write me another one of these cause they're fun xooxoxoxo love you lots baby!!