A letter from May 12th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I don't really have the main idea of why I'm doing this. Maybe it's more of a control thing since right now I feel everything but in control. In all honesty, I'm doing this from a video I saw on TikTok. Right now it seems like a cute idea, but I get nervous about thinking about who you are in 5 years, so much could happen... At your current time, I should be long gone from high school, was it as scary as it seems? Walking on the stage for the newest chapter of your life I mean? Were you invited to that crazy highschool party you always wanted to go to or an afterparty after a school dance or game? Were the cliche thoughts of driving to Canada on your 18 birthday to drink with your best friend come true? How is she, by the way, I hope you didn't lose touch or get into a big fight. I know everyone had their fights with people they care about, but I hope that you guys didn't. Is she still with that crybaby called a boyfriend, I hope they broke up, if not then I think that she would be happy with him? Do you and Sam still talk? I hope so, remember when we use to go by the tree and bike to the ice cream shop and she would get hella burnt from the sun, I hope you have more of these memories with her. How was the rest of your highschool life? Were you able to make more friends and get a job for those cool shoes you wanted? Being a senior must have been sad, or maybe you were happy, right now I don't care too much about being a senior, it feels so far away but so close at the same time. I pray at this time you got over the feeling about what people think about you. In 5 years you should be done with school sports and be an adult by now, did you push yourself more in the end in swimming and get that overpriced varsity jacket I secretly really want haha. How was the swim team? It must feel like forever ago when you were last with your team, do you still remember the time when you were kidnapped by the upperclassmen as a freshman and now you got to do it to the upcoming freshman when you were a senior? How about the crew team, did you get into Canada again like you wanted to? Or maybe you quit, I hope you didn't I'm planning on staying in it all the way till I graduate. Do you ever get to have your first kiss in high school? Or the feeling of being loved by someone other than your family and close friends. Did you have your first heartbreak or first true love in high school or after? Were you able to take cute cliche couple photos and do the dumb matching cloth outfits? Or are you still single? Dad gave me a lecture about trying to push myself to data more guys if you remember that, we both know he was trying to help us out, but we both know that he wouldn't get it since he met mom when he was our age and had been in love with her since then. How are mom and dad anyway? Does mom ever hug you, I can't remember the last time she hugged me, I know she loves me though even if she never says it. How about your relationship with dad? I know that its a little uncomfortable but I hope that it gets better in the future. Does he say that he's proud of you? Does mom hug you when you graduate high school, maybe she cried, I doubt it. Does she bring you to your meets still? Do mom and dad still even go to our games, I'm pretty confident that they most likely will. Hows our brother? Today's his 10 birthday! So tell him that I wish him a happy birthday 5 years back haha. He should be 15 by now huh? Wow, he's gotten so old, Are you visiting him right now? Maybe you are reading this on the way there on a plane or something or on your private jet, I really hope you are, or maybe this will be sent to your spam or junk pile and you'll never read it... but how is he? He should be in high school or middle school by now, does he have a little girlfriend? Or is he more popular and have tons of friends with upperclassmen and all that jazz? Tell him that you love him for me okay, I feel like I don't say it enough. I wonder what you're doing right now in 5 years. Right now its 4:24 AM and I am sitting in my bed with our dog right next to me, I'm listing to Billie Ellish "I love you" slowed, its a chilly night, it been a slow summer for now. Do you remember the little fan in our room, the one dad got us and said that I don't even use? Now I can't sleep without it on. I'm wearing that oversized back flannel mom got me when we went on an hour-long drive to Target for their newest clothes or something like that and she let me get anything. I'm still wide awake, I know I'm going to be really tired since mom will make cinnamon rolls for his birthday treat in the morning. Also, do you drink a lot? I know you are at the drinking age by now, and can you drive? I know I'm driving but dad is still yelling at me for how bad I am, I hope that I have my own car by then. Did you ever figure out what college you wanted to go to after all the pressure dad put us through? Or did you skip it altogether and get a job and travel? Did you meet new people? Did you meet the person you will marry, or maybe you are married? I hope you don't have a kid, I do not want to have kids in 5 years. What does he like? I hope that if you do find someone that loves you, or maybe you're not dating anyone right now, that's fine too. Do you have a stable job at this point? And good money income? Did you get to were dad was when he was your age? Do you live in a house or an apartment? Or maybe your homeless, I pray to God your not. I can't really think of anything else to write about. 5 years feels like it's going to be so far away, but in a blink of an eye, I'll be reading this. You better not be a crybaby, I know personally how emotional you can be by these things. Tell everyone, mom, dad, little brother, that you love them. And if you are dating someone or married or whatever tell them that you love them too, I know that I don't say the 'L' word a lot. Tell our Katie and Samantha how much you love them and cherish them as much as you can, and if you haven't seen them in a while get together and get some dinner and catch up. I hope that when I read this that I am proud of what I have done after the day I sent this to the day I'm reading this. Not even through half of our lives yet haha. I hope you are reading this in 2025 in good health and we still have so much to learn and experience. Make another one of these for another 5 years and try and continue it throughout our lives! If there's one last thing that I will have to say to you, it is that cherish everything and just take in the small things in life. Nice talking to you, <3 Yourself 5 years ago 4:51 AM