Dear FutureMe,
are you happy now? do you wake up feeling like there is a reason for you to be awake and alive? have you found love in a person, a friend, family, are you in love? have you recovered from your eating disorders and is your anxiety any less? do you eat food and not question it? did you ever tell your parents that you're struggling? how's coryn and what happened with the boys? is chaos still healthy? is your mom and your relationship any better? when did corona stop controlling your life? hows high school, did you make freshman year memorable? how often do you smoke now? did you lose interest in school, did you lose your faith in your success? did somebody break your heart this year? are you over drake still? did you ever get to kiss jack or have you kissed somebody and really meant it? are you okay? i hope you love life. - mena :)
Epilogue
about 5 years later
hi mena. i am happy for the most part. i definitely wake up with purpose - i wouldn't say i 100% feel alive yet though. i have found lots of...
Leertt i annigufmel a i owter oldrw hatt eeddrsoivc of nagthyni hsit thna vloe, rmoe ehnw erve iev leov nad igunene si had fetl. Elwl in sa i e,vlo am. Edn ekma i woh lil't ekli i acn fnuod be sah preosn nca aelst utb ti thaugt p,u how ehav a hewer ta kwon hwta uyo nad 'dnto me amedr evol. Tub agbne i inghst nda acn ,eb ntxaeiy tedtadmi dab uaobt earhtyp dda mmo ohw evern am aevh dna i to alelry my snoeht. Yhte em llw,e hyet nt'do tno meka muaocmiecnt hsinarg eetrrg did sola lsneifge ym tub. No aedi i is yothnsel veha cyrno woh. Ktnih piefrdhnsi erevn ni reh r,aye nekpos rtfea dna heoposrom tnod' i wto a vi'e to ew eilerddkn ,easry. Ttha etowr ehty shti enw i neev tme freta dna dfneied won who wehn i'dtdn hwo i onkw what are am i i pleeop. Dna i aroc)no ti gunh t"he aiang (zaryc atref vocid evrne i b"oys dcella atht tih tuo. Fnnuy up ym ehty dnitnuoce woh tsi el,fi to uhhogt in pop. Btetna wtih ntgdia is atet het face, yeht went mmer,ooat oury sa my ot mpro ewnt on nwo oahn out all fro dna meit now ouy ot how btu dooelgizpa hiwt my dtertea hasng dnr,obiyfe ebacl )ilslt not( neelkd. Ti hsit owrte mkae ocsha taht you nt'did eht urmsme tasp. Smsi utb moneyra i h,im 'todn ikel gdso slitl i. Rdha tawh het oevr vopiderm sti ueds adn hmuc ym ilek eb mmbreeer to esya,r so it ot i omm. O,wn ugsgerlst asd uhmc juts hes ti but me eksma owh. A sad be it rvene si i of sakme to eldmo hwo tnwa me hse htat. E,eromlmba fmarnhse ocoslh tub do nlretcaiy i eioremms omrf ehva nto was dogo hgih eyar. Ghhruot dsefli nyglpia adn gnnrnui car nishgt uaso,ktem lepclaiklb uto ltae,. In teh hwti uktnr inga rsaubu adn eht nrdsnie snsseut fo. On eth eapsoul rsivde. And mrof it i saol gone noesor ti of far to,l own eukdsc iwhs ubt mi ihst ahtt a had i so ot lprieed. Nfyun a,ll i ta oenrcnigsdi tsgtrani nhuoeg gaian to'dn sokem im tub. Ubt dna xuo,isan - vreo tberte tsi awy, ltlsi i yaw oryrw im oodf llsit. Englro on tstcdeia ym ti ysad. Did yaw hgotuf rdopu i ekasm a lsoohc my in ohugrht ni em i dna selo tiafh esssccu nto atht. ,fo i dmardee htngis ewrhe i to hvea i got dna ahelmcdpiosc tgare. I did het evgin drah asy was onw of sti hgrit estb enkw yan ucodl it - to ubt i utb fi teh athw cochie i. 'nbydoso eonrbk elaeuyntlv in ddi it ,ilehaw my btu pephan aehrt. Hsi in ot defoolr nowk adtines btu isgnkis u'yod ttha eb bset oyu flle fo twih ybslutaleo nidref leov ,jcka. Tuo layerl nitd'd ned owh utb syapl lefi 'htast nyufn ti ,llwe. Ym i nac isks i nhewveer idnoebyrf ceutnrr. Ni orf gyu neeb i me htwa a ehs' eopdh to salyaw. Hatw i i n,ow ovle but olev otn'd i'm i'm hweer indugbli at. .
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