A letter from May 10th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, well here we are older me just you me and my awful grammer I will never stop complaining about. Lmao i have wrote you so many letters so far i guess i kinda see this as a coping mechanism lmao currently it is 1:38am yes our sleep schedule is hella messed up its prolly not any better now in fact i bet you you are reading this this letter at 3am because your bored and decided to open your email that you barely open. lowkey highkey still healing sometimes i wished i had amnesia forget things people and memories forget who i am and start making a new one.....yeah that sounds like goals ive also fallen in love with a man i could never have yesssss queen i hope your over him tho and are taking coot videos and pictures with the one you love, crap i have an essay due soon and i only wrote one page so much work and im just slacking because i litrally do not have the strength in me to do them im to depressed and stressed like i litrally cant get out of bed until 6pm yes i know ****** up. plus the nights to calming anyway just like it is writing to you its calming cause you know what im going through you understand how i always want to make people happy so i cover up my sadness i dont know i always put people in front of me because due to past trauma i always felt like less like im not as important as other people i try yo sleep it off but my brain loves over thinking and not letting me sleep i want to cry but i cant i really cant i dont know whats wrong with me but still please let me cry the darkness is a part of me now its been with me since i was young it hurts holding back my tears i want to be happy and okie is too much for me to ask happiness and love please please i cant wait for you to look back at this moment please be proud of me please im working so hard just for you so hard please be proud of me please please love me please accept me im tired of hating myself and trying to love myself please love me or please find someone to do it for you if you cant do it yourself i want to be better i want to be happy i want to smile but i cant feel anything litrally nothing at all and it isnt right this sint right if i am evenutually happy how would i know if im happy if ive never felt it before im excited to feel it for the first time i have to finsh my essay now i want you to know future me i hope you exsist and i really hope eventually your happy with hope from present you