A letter from May 10th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, right now your 14year old self is crying on her bed because she hates the way she looks she hates her life she wants it to end so bad, its you that girl is me us. as of right now ur sad about a boy named sam, but i wonder if you will even remember who he is, i hate the way i look becasue im so ******* ugly and fat amd nothing will change the way i feel about me but maybe your happy now? idk you might be but then again im worthless and i dont know how much longer i can live in this depressing world.... i wonder if you will ever get this message maybe i made it maybe i beat depression and maybe im happy? ah i just dont know if i can wait to be happy any longer, if i do read this here are some things happening right now. My bestfriend is Ella Farrel i hope she still is my other close friends are mya mcglynn,tas mccabe, mieke schmidt, sienna chapman, chelsea marsh, tayley dyson, aisha truelsen,john zayya, we are currently stuck in isolation in a world pandemic bc of the asians and a bat, i go to belco in year 9 and i hate it because everyone makes me want to neck, my partner in crime is my other bff stormy ily, i miss my angels everyday - clio and angel may they rest in peace i love you both so much, i am addicted to weed and the only thing that makes me happy is drugs (weed,caps,acid,alcohol,coke), never ever forget tajana artuso she may be the worst bff you have ever had but she taught me a lesson nd i thank her for that sike i thank her for nothing she ruined my life **** u ****, my faviurite artist is lil peep i love him so muxh may u rest in peace u ************* legend, call your friends please ands check up on them all the ones u named before please they are all really important to me now and i need make sure some arent dead , i love u big sis i miss u so much its so hard seeing everyone else posrt theyre older sibings bc i cant do any of tht with you i just miss u so muuch hope ur okay xoxoxo, mum i love u so much u mean the world to me u ranga ***** <333, dad i do love you but u make me cry alot pease stop yeling ***** with me menatally ans physically, lani i love u so fkn much bby, ella farrel my bestie and bae u mean so much to me and i never want to forget u ur my rock i stay alive for u my dear. everyone uses tiktok now nobody post s on instragram and snapchat is getting boring btw do you still do streaks lol, did you ever find ur perfect grunge boy that skates that you can automatically vibe with and u fall inlove and just love eachother, did u ever learn to skate?, have u fallen in love yet? did you and ella travel the world like u wanted to? did u get a job? did u beat depression, anxiety, bpd,adhd,insomnia, body dismorphia,bipolar,anger issues, social anxiety, ocd? did u beat your eating disorder? can you wake up and not immediatley hate yourself? did u get any better at makeup?how are your gradees? have u accomplished anything u fat ****????????? do you still self harm, look at all the places you have ever hurt yourself right now and think to yoursef was it worth all the new insicurites like scars and burns, oh well you did what you did, are u clean from self harm? when was the ast time u were drunk, when was the ast time u popped a pill or dropeed a tab, how many guys have u ****** oop or girls, r u still bi or was that just a fluke, is the world even still here by the time im supposed to get this message i have no clue its all going to ****,i want you to remeber if it doesnt matter now it will not matter in five years so ella if im still aive in 5 years ill write to you and ill ansswer all your questions,see u soon maybe. - ur past self