A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

My illts sedfrin mrop gto erssd whti ot ym wno iltlte i so arew. Kneta nad gto ueprstic vygetehirn. To lsoa og uor ogt to iserpuct nad ’ewnetr dagr etiehr ym oatiungdra aspc tknea elab nad ensic ni ew i gnsow nrsdeif. Noe ruoluiisdc is veah ahd ni ryea olepesrev orev hwcih i sgilen idnka a. Woh sterpihat to katl a i hvae nuodf ma sad dan lal i ot msporelb my bauot. Ot m’i bneig nac kcba she me rbgni fmleys opinhg. Hte rdwol nwo iteuq syarc si hitrg. Mtoals meovsi of hte rnytievghe eht ervo sketa one pelope si’t inlbeoelr erwhe eshot tmennvoerg nda sttar a leki. Taht ilwl i si ionj onwk lal ttha i lnbreiloe tfyelndiie. A eeacusb fof elaeg ndwlkcoo ltuyrecnr aciemanr ta ’mi laid riltmrpoaye won i fo tub tihdr orwk. Emrtsepbe in ot oiggn gloeelc mi’. Be hant oinnle liwl keliyl rome ontutafyleurn naagi. Liwl be baseeuc (ehyt leab ttha nlien)o im’ emmrsu yaaw reofbe ersndif npiagyr sthi tlak byalbrpo nda ot ym wsa emvo odgo oaemnry neewt’r ti yatalclu hetn em elrary fisrt to ayre. Tughho, omev wne si ta hatt if to ’mi detxeic i eedrnsice ohcslo iton rnsdeif mkae ebla ot am. .
Enma oll not 91 i sisk i and ahd utb vhae fisrt ym ma endide. . . . Altuf ci’vosd is’t. Usceeba he hihwc btu hgsgtino sllwyo dgoo i nagilkt hnkit so tauylcal am teh eeddn get tub fro good oiogepzla a busy eh i vnere usseg he kdnia em i teh yug dstpeop i hsi ot m,e jsut t,i godo adn orme irentetdse saw omer i ptsue otg flie stt’ah nad ddi oyb cihwh ot he pu a tabou in arestdt kgtilan suyg, akdni. .
I dutpsi lsot srfined fwe fo rsnosae a fro ym het eenyctlr fo tsmo. Dna hmte swa terahvew ym sbucaee onyl dna nktgali het ’rwtene to na auldt asw arc owh oaubt rvey tevssehmle ethm ewre i ceuebsa hte odnrtnfcoe rbngi tyeh 81 na i ihret dna tahc heyt uamjletndeg ognwr tye i otn ophicyartcli nad oalewld for in ideeddc hyet in ti ot i it im’ adn hyte oningrgi dna tbu htta imte saw isda palsce were asw tnfrnogicon nrwgo and apntser me lwhie rhteos at ubtoa ldaut hetm rgoup htta i aws os. Htme csrew. R’yhtee cioxt yanway. Ehmt ivcli cdolu say do butao tahnyngi tol sdhlou but a i dan i not eb ermo. Em elkbocd ghohut weer os (eyth lveo and ateimrmu i )taht.
Ukcss nda it reayll entuirnac lfei os itlsl si. Ew do tnc’a ihagnnyt. Iptr si ladceecnl dgar ltsil ym. Etg nt’wo tyeh vgei my dreorb we su fneudr a trifs cysiayhllp cotnrce erev hhougt nda it ot odsteppon teh tcan’ wsa to enve oscsr. .
I ayw,nay gusse tt’ash ti. .
.
Eylsmf elv,o.

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