A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Otg rawe itwh i sidnfer redss tlltei os ym to pomr ym ltisl onw. Sicruept atkne adn got grhvyeeitn. Dagr og dan e’ntewr lsao we insec ktane ni gwosn and ieehrt ruo ym leba ot ionugdatra ritupsce i to tog csap fendisr. I akdni in ngisel a avhe neo arey is povelrese chwhi ahd ovre rsuoiuidcl. Aklt dsa i htptasrei all abotu ufdon nda am to a aevh how ym to i slmroepb. Lmyfse kcba geinb gpinoh me to hse can ’mi grnbi. Tgrih euqit arycs is wolrd wno eth. Yigernthev eno stkea atstr a the molsat nda of eoelbrlni veor het peloep keil erhew hetso ’its ivmose eegrntmnov. Is lal lwil noij eronlibel hatt wkno i taht ltfiideeny i. At a nlkowcdo leage ithrd ’mi ueacbse of tbu dlia wno utynrrlec rwok ncmaeira rraimpeltyo fof i. M’i gigno ni ebsmrteep ot logecle. Ikylle lwli agnai nenoil yltnfuaetunro eorm eb anth. That aklt sbceuea entrew’ m’i to to eonmray nsridfe oevm em hey(t nda raye frsti ywaa ioenn)l lyuatlca will earlyr eb ym dogo usmmer tsih gyipanr ybpboral laeb brefoe hnet ti wsa. Is ewn ocslho eidtcxe i hgouht, denrfis ot ta to eamk fi bela ma m’i eeneicsdr taht tion move. .
Nda kssi ddneei 91 ton rifst btu i ma my oll enam i vhea hda. . . . Oic’dvs ftaul its’. Oubat he yob usgse i eednd pu shi odog edotpps gdoo lopeagzoi renev fro i atuaclly nigklta ot aecubes to os eht it, he a ubt gshitong tlkniga hwhci yg,us i i nda datstre tihkn am yubs het ciwhh em orem guy emor fiel wsa em, ywlsol inkad utsj sttah’ a eh dnaki in tsuep i ubt good teg adn retedsinte ogt he did. .
Rfo ltso tpudsi a i finerds of few rsseaon of somt my enyreltc eht. Ehtm ni ym ogrnw nad onwrg eerw swa nad and an dna antigkl rthie sdai eorhst i i eddcedi tobua melgtudeanj ehyt tmhe snperta the wsa eyrv os bacsuee ircphctloayi ythe ubato yoln that emht ’im to mshltsevee em ta in dan it and hrteweva ortifnnncgo na asw they htye eyt cath lduta not gopru rngnoiig i eth ti i hlewi and ngbri ewre leacsp 18 ot that orf eonftncdro teim asw dltau i rnt’ewe how car sucabee aws daoellw tub. Wecrs meth. Aywayn ’tyeher xotic. Loduc mroe a i nda do temh shulod i tno but aoutb tol thyinagn yas eb liivc. Htta) okdelbc nad tyh(e i rtiuamme ewer em love os huoght.
Cninareut nda si ilfe so siltl eyallr scsku ti. Cn’ta do ew iytnagnh. Si argd rpit my eeancdcll isllt. Enve asw ew ot it my dan us uedfrn ostdneopp hte a reve gvie crsso cetrcno ’ntac plhsiylayc rordeb ot wo’tn ehty isrft gouhht gte. .
I sesgu it ya,wyan ht’ast. .
.
Ymelfs vole,.

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