A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Wrea my onw esdsr otg i sllti rmpo wthi illett ot srfedin so my. Natke tgo adn vieeryghtn scuepitr. Kntae we nad enics uaongtarid twe’ner i dan eabl to ot isrnfed aols ym gto eirthe gnows caps uor euscrtpi og ragd ni. Neslgi a i dah eray ihhcw oicilrsuud in evro iadnk avhe is eoerlsvpe oen. My a i ouatb to adn am atlk sad woh to vhea lal arshptite elsrbmpo i uodnf. Ehs lyemfs ngbie im’ cabk ot ipgnoh cna em inbgr. Qutie raycs eth won rodlw si tgirh. Dna ernlbeoil tsheo the peolep a vsoemi sratt erwhe ti’s stalom ktaes eth eno evor fo like eertomngnv vghntiyeer. Joni thta liwl si ifdelytien lal i nwok i ieleornbl taht. Rytelpomria ubt at lokncowd tirhd ncteuyrlr ffo i of now ’im ebuasec eelga mcaneiar a rwok aidl. Meberptse to ’im in igong gecleol. Eb eoinln nigaa lilw tanh ermo yofntnruleuta liykel. Liwl orefbe ogdo nad omanrye ot rgaypin laryre my to enht esaceub ayre oen)lni usmrme it thta yoblrbap i’m e(hyt trifs ebla em be waya er’twne lcatlyua fdserni asw altk mevo hsit. I rcneeised enfrisd ma meak i’m htta if ta ebla is emov to to nito enw dxtciee u,hgoth lshcoo. .
Btu ont i i dan llo my irfst mnae isks eddnei ahd am avhe 91. . . . Atful sti’ is’dcov. Setup mroe ttraesd danki did ogod dinka aylatcul erteisendt glitnka up dna me yowlsl to othgsgin eh tknhi it, he ni iknlatg odog ogt stju eednd wsa eenrv ihs adn ot i ubt a good lfei butoa etg gys,u teh usyb ybo i he whcih i guy sgesu hhcwi am so ofr t’thsa baecues i alzepigoo hte ,em i pposdet tbu he emro a. .
Fdneirs dtpusi i a few olst enyletrc of fo oresans het ostm rof ym. Dasi eeasucb ot nto vyer dna i they erew dtcfeoronn ti ibrng grnwo i grupo 18 tub ni iorignng ta ni lyno rnasetp dcieded hatt was acr thye it odllaew htat yeht ahterwev an ubtoa os woh and to me i ewer ielhw e’trwen ethm i dan imte apoitrylihcc was im’ tmevselseh htem ngilakt nrgow ehyt asw nad ehtri the and adtlu utaob mhte ctah inrtgoofcnn dutmejngeal othres aws eyt lpsaec dtual dan i asw fro my dan het cbueaes an. Etmh sewrc. Toicx ’tyeher aawyyn. Vilic suohdl adn i olt luodc a temh say ubt tauob do gtnhyian i ton emor eb. I em erwe kdbloce dna os ht(ye evol miaeumrt ta)ht ohught.
Ucnteianr flie dna kscus ltsil so ti aelyrl is. We a’ntc do ygtanhni. Lsilt rpit ardg si my ldclecnea. Wo’nt rifts hutogh podoenspt teg ew ’tacn obrerd it cossr my eevr asw a ycllspyiha nad hyet etrncco eht vegi to us neufrd ot veen. .
It i hat’st ay,wyna sgeus. .
.
Le,ov myelsf.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Press ← and → on your keyboard to move between letters

Write new comment

Load more comments