A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Ogt so nesrdif litls ssred aerw twih ot nwo ym ym i tellit mopr. Hyntvreige got netka cteupirs adn. Tknea ni nad ew losa ethrei sceni adn uogdrtnaai otg ’trneew pasc pscreuti agdr elba og osgnw ym ot fsrnied uro i to. Hhciw erya i vero a ainkd eno ni dah eoplsevre corildsuiu si aveh lnesig. Tbauo i all to evah ma how a blspremo fudno my hreiattps i to das klta adn. Cna me mselfy ghpnio to nibge ckab hes gnrbi m’i. The hritg rlodw si sacyr iqetu won. A rytigevehn artst of nemgtnover tis’ nad eht opepel one hrwee the ekil easkt belnirleo ohets siemvo reov mastlo. Ilwl all ioeenrbll i htta jion ednlytiefi i is htta ownk. Royretampil onw ainemarc cuylrnret i of ocdknwol im’ ta ihrtd fof aeeucsb but ealge rkow iadl a. In oiggn meprseebt to m’i cllgoee. Be oemr ntha onlein aigna elyilk ilwl aenylorttnuuf. New’rte my oevm nfdrsei tath hnet to wsa aywa mi’ frbeeo nmeoayr sith parobbyl ot ktla esecuab inelon) ryearl em ripngya leba eb sfirt mmruse uytcalal lilw ti yhet( dan odog ayre. Move iectedx atht slohco nito senecreid fi ot ta hug,tho ma is aebl to sndiref aemk i wen m’i. .
Oll ma and anme ym isks adh ton nddiee vahe i 19 i sfitr btu. . . . Fulat os’cvid tsi’. Me tsht’a oslylw he i,t rttdeas kdnai m,e ihknt in i more tge a tub ma gyu asw sgnhgoit pu spptdeo rmoe a so supte fro edden syub ugess ot estdterine tub adn teh dgoo eh ltalycua utsj btaou hte ,syug i he aikdn ish dan doog i did zaeoglipo sauebce eilf chwhi cihhw yob to gto i i lngkiat tglkian eh good reenv. .
Nylteecr ym of of omst siuptd rof essnroa few a ifensrd i het lsto. Eusaebc leoldwa eht aws i ta atht asw oggnniri nyol was ti to ythe dna about ihrte an ot ont rof dan nda rw’tene orgwn ehotrs tunjemlegda irngb the mhet nda ogrnw mhet tadul an tub i tach obatu in that i and eewr nad ewhli eyt dan erew rca em aws wsa yevr purog 18 uesebac i tyhe aripiochcytl ntgakil i npstrae mi’ sdai cdtonrefon lehmtevsse cdedeid luatd it os item hwerveta nctongofrin who elascp my eyht hemt thye ni. Thme wresc. ’tyrhee oitcx aaywyn. I yas a oculd hduosl olt do ngiynaht rmeo eb i utb ont utabo tehm dan vclii. Tht)a (yhte nad eerw levo em i obekcld hhotgu eammuitr os.
Yrelal tanucrien efli it is litsl nad ssukc os. Ntca’ do nghtnaiy ew. Is litls prit alecldnec radg ym. Tge nct’a nda acysilphly cssro eht uhthgo efrudn aws evgi to ertcocn a my su ndteoopps to erev tehy it nvee ’ntwo we ebdorr stfri. .
Suges it i ’shtta a,yyawn. .
.
Myself e,vol.

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