A letter from April 23rd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Today is April 23, 2020. I am currently bored out of my mind. We are in quarantine right now because of the Corona Virus. It is literally taking over the world. We aren't allowed to leave our house, so everyone is stuck inside, going insane. I haven't figured out how long into the future I am going to send this so bare with me. I am 19 years old, and I don't have my life together yet :))) love that for us!!! I am currently listening to sad music, but I am okay for the most part. I dropped out of nursing because it was ruining my life and I couldn't even wake up in the morning. I just finished my final exams for my first semester of business at UWindsor. TBH, the transition was really tough on me. I didn't have a single friend in any of my classes, and I was in a bad mental space for a while. During Christmas, I dyed my hair pink and got a tattoo. None of which I regret... yet. Hopefully, that doesn't change because I'm obsessed with the sunflower. I'm not sure where this business degree will take me, but I have hope everything will turn out and be okay. I often look back and get sad that I'm no longer in nursing because that's all I knew. I have zero ideas about what I want to do with my life and it seems that everyone around me has their **** together except me. I'm good though. This year has been really tough on me though. You know, I wasn't really close to Angela, but her ***** had a really impact on me. I feel almost guilty about it for some reason. I was the last one in the family to see her in person, and I wish I had reached out to her that summer to show that she truly was loved. I'm afraid for my future because suicide does run in the family and I know in my right mind I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself, but I still worry for myself or future children. It's hard to talk to mom and dad about stuff like that, so I hope that you reach out to someone professional in the future if you do need help. It is perfectly okay to talk to an outsider about your life. Im surrounded by great people like Caylee, Juliana, Abbey, and Sophia M. I'm not seriously talking to anyone right now. which is okay I guess. Just have those snap hoes I guess. I hope you maybe find someone nice that you can spend you life with, but don't depend on that person. You need to be able to be happy and able by yourself. We wanna be a boss *** *****. If you don't have anyone tbh it doesn't really matter. just do what you want and be unapologetically happy. that's all I really want for us. anyways, I hope life is good. If not, I will be really sad. Say hi to Jakov, mom, dad and baba for me from past self. Love you all so much xoxo!!! <33