A letter from April 18th, 2020

Hi, my dear future self Let me ask you to reflect on the most important things in your life so you will never forget them and get lost in the clutter of your mind. A lot has happened to you. 2020 was a crazy year and being 21 is a total disaster. You have lost a lot of friends you have never felt as lonely. But you have fallen in love recently it’s hard you’re not sure if it’s love? Maybe by then you will know. It’s scary and it makes you insecure. You lost a lot of nights sleep thinking about the meaning of it al. Because it wasn’t an ordinary love. It was forbidden and awfully wrong. The choices you made were poor. You lost control over your feelings and followed your heart blindly knowing it would lead to enormous disappointment. Always you believe yourself to be so strong and emotionally stable. In reality you often lose control and that’s fine. It makes you who you are. Your fragile please take care next time. I there a next time? Have you learned to control the sad side of your heart? Are you still comfortable in depression and introversion? All these topics seem so sad but that’s exactly how you feel right now the only difference between now and when you were 18 is that you know life can be beautiful. You believe you deserve love you just haven’t figured out yet how to ask for it. Have you figured it out yet? Have you made peace with the fact that people come and go? Have you accepted the circle you have is more than enough Are you still looking for a soul connection with everyone? What are the things that make you happy? Are you ready for this year everyday becoming better so you’ll never let yourself become the worst part of you? Do you still believe people only see the worst part of you? Have you accepted your flaws and do still feel stupid because that one really hurted. I won’t ask if you have a degree that’s not important to me. I just need you to be working. Making money being independent. I need you to feel like you can go anywhere when you want to and never being tied down to one single lifestyle. I hope our family is healthy alive and strong still full of love. That your relationship with papa is better that you haven’t broken mama’s heart to much. Are you still friends with your sisters? Are you living with your sisters are mama en papa back home? Are you guiding your little sister to be the best version of herself? I need her to have hopes and dreams and are actively pursuing them just like you! Care for them please because you didn't when you were 21. Have you become your own person and developed a strong sense of self? Are your insecurities less prominent in your personality? Are you still pretty as they call you now? Has age made you more beautiful or are you rocking the older look with style? Please have a unique sense of style. Are you creative outside of work. I wish you could show me the drawings I will make in these years. I have millions of questions and I could go on but I must give you a final word of encouragement because it’s 2am now and I must sleep. I love you and I hope you do too. Be strong life is hard it’s made to be hard. Grasp to the little beauty’s that you can find and treasure them in the darkest places of your heart and let’s be honest in your mind too. Live live live and let live. Life is uncertain you are uncertain. Look at that bird over there on top of the tree looking down at the world thinking about nothing and everything at once. I hope you remember always that you can be that bird too.