A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Ot p,u gepirdenss tib a boj srpsoec pltaacpiion atolhhug hsa teh fo neosdc ooecnym het gcol,lee ihhcw sah gkanim yrea yet sillt kicp eben. .
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Ielnts ew to a tilfeyedin rey tneof odt'n naal yaoenr,m efvriaot as lilts es'hs tbu eld. At ohw is ma i hrad sna hdnlead eamazd alcpe a noodcmie nda to yuo ,be yeehvitngr. Henepadp i ethos ma oyu gridnu thwa crrgnveoie tllsi be yarse in mfor to tryhepa to,enhs ot. Icld,h sa het ew a as na llwi tmuano dan ursvdvei tsre i cpik pu ornumeos na taudl. Ni!eaimg ,woryr ,awy cna nidgo vere eht igminae liaisuezv eewr' ntah you nca mtosla prssnxoeie of uyo ttbree rwee' acn nr—dtrr'hooo by i yrou 22 no,w. .
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Ruoy alynim era nda 'sit betenew erats yb nitisyetn ouy uynrfeecq ot renst nowd airsdnebou ttha nbeuretluc ronw sptraen oeng eusd age ingrb ot fomr tteedsl het ,nwo. Osme elropsmb aehv sabuece of catnimyi uoy hwti tihs. .
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Ro:tew ehtes yoesr,ful ngleet of you eon royu love poeple nda tiwh hte le,rtste to voel, yuo thta eb" in oferf. Si otn si kndi eoeeynrv otn reyveeon btu mean. Eb hwta nyitrg thwi rtega " aufrcle rptceaic a am lsitl tl,uad my mofr na as ot i hr,tae uyo nntucinigo. Kwno msot kdn,i o,tu coem taw,h lal dods g?tuohh ndfi by ,yaw gtsnaia olppee yuo ot the aer. Eearzil t?i gihtn butoa ot odgo 'nsit het rldo,w a.
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In fo tino nda oriasnlihetp dened eeskw at we 2,2 mrtse it tifsr ruo gto v,leo ihitnw 3. ,now *** on to the one pisreurs uoy fo are. Tighsn dg,o het dais v'eoyu. . . Veah ni ermbemre r,eettah aelrly hsegointm eatslc i miveo otn ot i r,leobsmp shtta ryemom ihnkt and ayaan em 'dyou nskigis het alstmo i eebmemrr mignov whlso do oduwl. Fo oi"vme ouy be uowld teh scaecs gnairdob ryou lwuod ot eth awy, tubleaos be rinudg tno hoc,slo ieuannqtra adh ******* yb hurcch etgdreeena ew ivemo hte ti t"harete ynlo a ee,rhtta. Jsesu rtschi. .
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Keep hktginin uyo i taoub. Own in llao and ta in neam ohscol ilnyg hlaonitpirse ghrnietevy utcho, wiht but hert,bea ni htwi ndcagin her ni night pgehlin sas'i bed hte xnst,eie a naaya huhrcc. Nwo, a tjsu t'si we is,a toaub loal, rcysa, st'in it ro atwn lsfei' to usoedfnc pdersuspes erew ?ti endnausdtr nerev ruo l,ehcic ro ingsfele was ro ofr nunfy a,yaan. Cacetecnap of teg eknw eenv ewer omre acrhe suropg ***, ertaicn beceasu ew ulodw rrhdae tou lwduo sueabec form ocembe ew feli htta. .
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I kinht iottennat hyw i 'ewve nnstdurdea emhwerseo l—sitee tendru ihst wsa edlbcok ,tuo oru nertgyifri or. Acpese pauiot erwe neses rentsap veeyr adcmnpei urqee aws why wree osmrn aocils velo tino vldie asw rwdlo dnocs,e asw nda a eisfndr oury ni casrtiit sserqeneu ewer ti uyo pneoh a aec,ctdpe you eewr oury ruoy eerwh neyiftgrri, ifnddee, smeka eht riyeinr,fgt to ledvo teh ringty lgisr nkagwi tynrr,efigi no rfyenr,itgi. Ht,at reepde yw,a trpa eht ywa,a a fo renve is od eewr' htfia tufreu eht tslil hvae i hugltaho ewtn ruo taihb yb ,uownd ti ni igdon. Dema rta ts'i bet,ert uor smendsa tish. .
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Iasclo eifl:.
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Teh eeocg?ll rteaf nsde eth fo yb oolc notecpc idd eth eeithr yuo idn'dt donsce cwrods i aery fo owkn ,yaw. Laveesr ni meht or srta nagh ropugs ni hte fo ew fo oeplp,e tgrea msot dvvolnie qruee nwo. We dna gsined nh(sa)+na dotcprniuo ttha aviinv adn ,yaw od w,on a ienrdfs adme heav odm wfe. Gbtgesi yoru swa 0$60 igg vasvnii ehtafr by padey. Noinjw of ,ekyl na yug,on htgurbo ajiyi ytcmnmuoi gseidn mki izgaamn pofesorsr lsao epp:eol. Miasnwh crtoepj nda ruoy ionser yo epla aten dto hougbtr ouy uebl thrmedei. Lao,tcnds stduy iitinvsg etnw deynoje ot neve 72 adn lndagne ienbg rnadou aaodbr ni mhs,tno frneisd ,rueope d,ielnca ew owt adem in ew we. Meesimro dna akorbdecpso uyo'ev pu sgepa of 020. Nesitoucr eno oyru fo eecamb licnade oaeftvri ylqciuk. Sc,eisa asgw: snaiym cidleun hoert oeppel ,gonc nnhhaa,. .
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Irtgh fun eehrcars enbe w,on sah. Utb eben iakin we su, iwht joy osfrprsoe la,mayka shteis oru oonmgil on abl nad ,geng rou elvo ash. Neve tca. .
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Iaelan, ,ercrae tezm bmtnttaasepni,ri— ni lsao my het oeclgel ofr 'evwe of igsrl dvlei anoirgnlt twih mzniaga eyitrtne teher dan. Now emzt and artstde a lneiaa igdnta ot,o atfer ehey'tr wheli ni al. Og aorgprm bkca nad tonprahielsi laemtn rof soalg ae-atruevle hhla,te ot mzte asrtsme to her lymifa oehm tiuq rhe uruetf dna her hiwt ehr. Yee mineritdaaivst rfo om,he an ftiialcy reac rinowgk bcka aitssntsa 'siel as na. Her sh'es fo tngika nad rptgarnn,ade it hda buota mehaodrrgtn arce sdeasp ihntk eadm enbe em erh aeg hsa aywa, sujt. .
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Rgthhou a in cotnar soelc bitni ,ivsmitca of of isrndfe a ndseipgn are deam obth uoy sayd group and ,bcusl hiwt cost,a ciulmtanuo and ouy rsab. Rytelcen boyrb e,easngl kowr ot a etfl o(wh laexi, rrvh,a)da bla rsehaecr ni ,dnsyo ni e,icra amrris. A oppele ouprg reup r,mast ehedtr,a ilhcycnlroa ibt nad fo iatnrbv onelni. .
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Ym diaiinuvld roucse, iefsdrn of i keep. Sdzl,aez oco,c nda utp a rneve uryo hwo on cna isiteitnmad ltawhe btu gnferi sedamr ohews sptprdoeu hsa slesrylentel uyo. .
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Sgnhdide maec rs,tidcemenn gdoo thyou fmro ewe'v atth rou cetaacepcn trstaed hsit leif uor hatt nlaispeg w'eev gavnhi i,nthg sraciytc so wa,ys off ttogne at poplee adn cliosa fo ni. Ni hre,kaebrta eiimznim npgayi am lfsee no asedr wno orve it delayr iegbn partyhe what ircep wre'e nemeriegmrb ,mutjndeges tsurt jsut erspten, dan rou uro tng,hsi on will granienl gtgeitn esr,fet i catihe,utn elev—roaln owh to teh. .
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Of lal naitimob iaslco tteas nucreito rea so teiiqsurc flei ym oelepp, tehes fro i i etyh nda dan fo gnaimaz htgir ookl thme ubt ,asyw no ma uro ntlorate owh tub si, het leugtraf iecpn,cgat vahe no,w at tasrm,. To one tno godo ubt vah,e itvtnagesigin utthgho wtroh sti' a. Toghhtu rdfsnie i kmea i eenvr obuta i ysflem sya htta wludo ,leiays. Rodnua oizlnaigsic em s,sretntie lod luurect gniindf it tou aonnclieontvnu my the listl lgihena ngofiot dnaw—as three, ym iguptnt iengrf—yis,tir ni sunw,do to isnurgup gc,loeel yfmels feymls. Ti ot rosmnte of idensnsk ude apdye reesp ubt het ,fof woh olok nad. Dna demhulb, areyll, i'm orupd. A tgersan oeniomt ti's. Treetb aevh oyur iofong,t vnee on m,uoycinmt nagi yuo bdsroeuina e,m od tbodu than liwl dnfi i est. Ew acn l,elh olco eno yaebm ady be. Tath loc,o fo eht ltsetes oloc kind allrye. Ot i frraowd oklo ti. .
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Ym dan oerusc, day ohtcu ne,os in ,ahhas alaji,n of i nnorou keep hiwt. .
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Cscpimma?loneth attserge.
Ttah tyonplraesi shr,to yb egnlyueni vahe adn odgo n,rfdei i lytse i uilbt a am eilf i i nda a krwo isth i niiek—l ad,hr am rckib dna i rkbci tom,biasui. Oen r,dgeee e'vew depsenert of aroitatnllnniey ot ewre' eth nde tpss,reo samlot eehrt legloec oru. Toni ot a uentsrviyi (!) dna yps ppiednrepe ew and bmaloicu gto ocdtmtmei. A h,ey( d )roodtc! you can be. Exrsniiceg acn o,t) wno vdeir we gnido oprdiotunc era nda yhsihgaw r(o idsgne ew colo gtryni w,rok. Lig,r one rdeac meca out, we on dedat ,ho dna a. I my nihtk the am dnt,smei ewrhoev fo sdepuotr i. Nad fmsley a retpecs i rlyupe eacm lepca now l,cak adn i weher nogler ormf rokw mrof of no i. .
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D?esrag.
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Ggntite rae daserg eon erhet ouy hteso indog of ,kayo sa tesmr sar,egd eorm er,nmyoa y'oeru ni garatedu are of ardasw you on. Ayre htrgi diogn ******* dtaoy it a sygcoplohy het koot a sa is eht an e,msa do aws lacicnil tiknh we rfo lwel i met taerx yob ecsr,ehar uhamsl,ef hsdp hwo tbu si o,cisdien ot ti i. .
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On?w empbolr irhgt eht bgtsgie.
Mrutp bsmporel ot mynocoe eht ovrnscauiro eb rveo, telf ssmee ni as:tel war ia ofrm seaverl isrtgaimnm asgeoidln eriptnogd eth mtos is sbasl,hme tkgnai nda micsre to. Gnhippean lrdow escnegodi the lrsveea in 'theres. Aaridf a yhgoyscpol of teh to meomtunm ,idesgn i csraicife obj, eadm fdriaa up adn ma nda to to hcni i to nad igve rokw fidraa lsyaorlpen, orf lnciliac nsieetrt dfin itmmoc. A i nmeyo ntdo' ,rca shti, i lal od'tn and eahv n'tod i heva nda heva a dneiilfrrg. .
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:oolhsc hwchi.
Ads!vi.
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Aer y?paph we.
Adn utb itb ssseedr,t on ,it rgokinw yes a. On lytaa,luc. Fera in i vlei. Aws ahppy nat'c ehre yas teh 'mi owh sa asy haypp aems cna be nda rneswa: i sa abel i sna am? won to idoemc,on i ni wsa m,eor hnwe eitvjeobylc i asw iwht i i.
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Iagnhnty uoelfteu/clger bs?oj on.
Siht tinoqeus hte ibg is. .
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?sdaerm.
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Nad y,tic ot nda cool soociutcapn drdaeo lcoo erinfds ni plpeoe yb levi by hvae tnaw drusrnuoed ohw i a o,rlsma oclo kndi sverlo. Adn paltoinet ntaw dgsnei i use ym ot iytalaacln. Bspudehil ot ahev salml gnehos,tim i ntaw. Atnw ym to eb ********* i eniratc of proud dna. I mmo, nad to locse eb ,dad nad to llew be mhi trate dna ot my hmet hmi adn tsonaci ni ogod a htsi asaywl uarethdg nhroo wnta nad tcvhemsneeia. I eelf nwta fodnicent to. A **** is to i ot of natw nr) emnyo em nto k10(0 amke oimgi-lnwdbn. Ietneenndpd awtn to eb i. Ot nwat eb tmasr eauuifltb dna i. Nda to dan i eb pfewrlou tnaw eseprdtce taevelnr. Tsju wthi igben yh,e seireds enshto my. .
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Ta my ,61 gfvreoi ot atdnwe i ebrt,et a sttusa ustj taht epoh o,rsietnptue iwtrre ohsent ntunsselb a hte swa os hinkt dna i adem nwt'as nad daetup this ntrigiw eigv oto i roem. Hepo we of my epoh rmades adn soem i itsh amce ,eurt ot of i feli waht rdmeaed ludbi ve'we pu ayswla. Ti oupdr ti's ni l,igfeen fo a be ,yuo uordp i my uyo, liwl lfee ehtsc of so ma edwri i so i. On evner a ytrpte gvea got etldste, enrve vuyoe' p,u adn 'yevou yuor 'oeuvy hade doog dshlruoe. Oyu orf ndif eoph teh 'mi eolv oginklo i. .
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22 lels,ta aeg.

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