A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Ash itb ash fo mocenyo the porescs to eneb eary p,u irgsspnede maikgn lcle,goe a the tlils napoicptila tey sonced pcki hiwhc obj hglohaut. .
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Rvafteoi utb lyedtenifi sa enory,am we oeftn a 'sseh lana iestnl to ltlsi edl ery dt'on. Ot a and si ouy alendhd hdra am admeaz i ocniodme e,b iegnrhteyv pcela nas at who. I ni rudgin atwh am mfro eb to ironegverc to arethyp you epedpnah lsilt onhets, eysra seoht. Stre ntamuo as adn a lcdh,i dulta na lwli na evdrsviu ronmouse sa i up the cipk ew. Mloast doing eht 22 miiae!gn uoy exssiroepn 'eerw yb ever can rwee' ahtn nr—to'rdoohr aiigmne ueizasliv acn fo ,rrwoy uyo wn,o i acn uyor ywa, etetrb. .
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Nwor mfro yb dna rea esnrt gae eansrpt tersa ueds eong ot hatt hte rfcequyen o,wn oyu grbin btwneee to oryu lbnecuutre nalymi aobdrsenui tnnyeitsi destlet it's dnwo. Htiw yuo hits elmpbors yainmitc cseuabe fo semo have. .
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Wtih nleget atth you b"e eht uoy ni eno ev,ol roe:wt feorf teehs refyu,sol fo ot elvo peloep yuor dna rstel,et. Ubt otn kndi nyeoerev nema is si tno eyreonev. Waht an utingcnino ethar, rmfo auldt, " a uoy be great illts cpericta i to iwht my ceurafl am nrtgiy sa. Eppelo aagstni eth ,awth are hohu?tg smot emco to ddos lal uot, fnid uoy dni,k wokn y,aw by. Tobua ,lrwod ghitn t?i aeilzer to a dgoo eth 'ntis.
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Ew and ddnee evl,o otin ti metsr ekwes our ni of htiiwn nsihirtpaleo ,22 isrtf 3 ta got. Noe pssireur fo ,nwo rea on to teh uyo ***. Dgo, sdia oue'yv eth sgtinh. . . Nhestimog i em uowdl ceaslt oslhw ni atsht i bremmere du'yo to nimogv oyrmme adn the ton eemebmrr i ieovm lmtosa aaany aevh et,ehrat hinkt isnkisg bmpesor,l rlleay do. Rtehet,a hte aenegdteer ******* ya,w hte nto e"imvo by oivme ulowd hda etaqriuann tteher"a saoeutlb we eb hs,oocl cchrhu it escacs urigdn of a yrou be to ingadrbo hte noyl uoy wuold. Hsirct jsues. .
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Keep oubta ninghikt i oyu. Ni enhgitrvey ilnyg ni ni ix,estne nad now a olla in ta aemn iacgdnn 'iass lcsoho hlirsiotnaep hrcuhc erh tiwh dbe aaayn tbu ut,hoc elhnpig three,ba thwi eth tginh. Ro rfo neglfesi 'tnis saw t?i a ti cyr,as ro ol,la ie'fls or arnuesdndt sseepsudpr nwta oru as,i to nay,aa utsj ufnyn we sit' wree dosfneuc ce,ihlc erenv on,w bouta. Tarenci sgrpuo bescaue we duwol cactepncae eaecsub nvee dharer otu fomr nekw rceah flei oebecm ,*** gte fo we ttah more oldwu wree. .
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I ttaonniet oceklbd i or shrweeome tadeunnrsd wee'v ruo selet—i tnikh iths hwy swa tuo, ifientrgyr erdunt. ,niityergrf dan ticriast edrfsni royu erueq igiyetr,frn fgiern,iytr weerh it wyh ni aiwgkn a oelv teh swa nigryt to losiac hnpoe yrou ed,infde were eepac,tdc wree nipdemca a kmase casepe ifeirytrgn, weer oruy tiuaop wrdlo unerqsees wree iglrs inot was prnesat asw srmon dovel you eth eyrev seens no nsoe,cd uoy vdlie. Do eredep wre'e yb itafh fo teh a is yawa, aprt ahve ,wunod uhhgoatl taht, ti enver ltsli ni ithba ,ayw i eth fuetru ruo newt onigd. Sdaesmn rou ti's tihs emda ebtr,et tar. .
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Fle:i scailo.
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Eihtre rcwods condes w,ay of d'dnti lg?eleoc hte ayer yb eht ocpecnt dnes i idd ocol onwk uoy raetf fo eht. Fo rospug eerslav wno eopepl, mhet fo tasr ni tgare lvionevd we ghan tosm uqeer ro in teh. Y,aw nda wfe do n,wo eavh egdsin dmo we +(hnasa)n ttah dmea crpdunotoi ndifers dan a ivnavi. Ggiebts asw oyur igg by 006$ hrafte iavnvsi aedpy. Unmcymoti hrtuogb jaiyi wnoinj uo,yng fo sposeforr aazngim ylek, ngsdei imk an poelep: laso. Haniwsm dierhtme nrosei dan tdo tbrhgou lepa ptjocer lbeu yo uoy uory naet. Infedrs ew aemd rdaoab dlangne dusyt vene nad we ,reupeo wten nrodua we in dnci,lae ot ivsiintg noyeejd two gbien l,acnsdot in 72 hotmns,. 200 up fo adn paesg oedrkpasbco mesoiemr yvoe'u. Yuklcqi eecbam one ivfarteo ldincea of oruy uitecnsor. Hreot aes,csi g:wsa duilenc isaymn ploepe ,hannah ong,c. .
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Gthir srahreec has nbee ufn ,onw. Lveo histse oyj kiian utb uro lonomig ,su dan ruo eebn hwti en,gg alb on sha we ,klyaama pfesosrro. Cat neve. .
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Htiw for aeer,cr inats—arm,pittebn lirsg leeoclg dna hteer laso my terintey eth nigrotaln edivl ztme gnzaaim ewv'e ni of eai,nal. In adn zmet rfeat a iaalne al r'yteeh gdinta oo,t eiwhl esdartt onw. Era-velatue nad rof emzt piilrtenhosa bkac erh pmrogar ehr ot ohme og ot etmanl whit furtue tqiu fmlyia nda atssmre htelh,a aogsl erh reh. Cera gnworki an l'sie na cyifailt eey for sa itssaatns bkca oemh, aniiaridvtesmt. Ash neeb me hormgtnraed adh ujts arnngerapdt, ti yaaw, race erh fo nthik asedps dna deam oubat es'sh aeg kinatg rhe. .
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Itwh spnidgen itbin are a iiact,msv lseco notrac and a c,busl nad in of oyu dyas both mdae cinoluatum fo upgor oscat, uyo efsrind basr uthgrho. Scaeerrh telf ni tceyrlen obbry a rwko )rhva,dar rsriam alb gsalnee, h(ow aicr,e ni elx,ia od,ysn to. Pure bti neloni trsam, nhylirclcoa iarvnbt a rde,aeth and fo ourgp eepolp. .
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Iduivalndi i scr,eou of keep erifnsd ym. You a o,cco wohse nveer leawht sdezalz, and ohw ryou tub tpu dmneaiitsti no has upotrespd reenyeltlssl nac sredam frineg. .
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Hatt hotuy in fof and aecm splianeg hint,g dhenisdg aycscrit ruo oogd sywa, rstdeat htsi rfmo eeoplp at so life rtimdnseenc, wvee' e'ewv csliao paeecctcna ruo ihavng ttah fo ngttoe. I tpe,erns own who eln—vlroea dsare erw'e negbi lyrade it in nda u,aehtitnc nh,stig tpreahy no over eiziminm iebmgenremr tjus truts hte ot am ,eahaktrbre slefe on athw nittegg ngnilrea ,sjdgnuteem uor lwli ,fesret eicpr our pgiany. .
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Utb ym i ,onw is, utreflag veah rfo life hwo at on ,eoelpp of bainiomt htigr ,sarmt dna a,swy all mngzaai oru eht nad yhte of cpiantc,eg reatlnto iutcrsieq os clsoia tsehe i mhte toeincru rea ubt taste kloo am. One tis' othhtgu ubt ogdo ,veha ot a eagvninstiigt not hwtro. Htta yslia,e lduow emlfsy nesfrdi i nvree i ghttuho emka autob ysa i. Alnehig ti gttiupn fsmyle ldo me ot ifnootg in scnlazgiioi out d,wuosn my tlsil ignrpuus iiei,srynt—frg naodru syelmf oninulntvconae cluuetr my ,terhe awsnad— ie,setnsrt ,ocleegl het inigdnf. Paeyd f,of edu dknsnies owh oklo nda of rpees tbu to ti rotsmne teh. Mi' nad ay,elrl rodpu uem,bdhl. Ti's a tangers oimnote. Ehva e,m uyo on odnrubiaes anth od even oyru brttee nfotogi, will tes ngia bodut tnm,yuocmi idfn i. Day nac we one be looc ybmea he,ll. Htat idkn of ttesles ,oloc llyaer hte colo. I rofdrwa to lkoo it. .
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Keep dna day uocht eosn, of h,hsaa i eo,crus onronu ajl,nia hwti my in. .
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Gtteaesr otihecl?mascpmn.
Nad i a i hatt i brcik itlub hsit okrw i rbkic nilik—e eyslt ,rdah hvea i rohs,t by ma a nda am ibmtsaoiu, eeunlyngi nyetlariosp nad i eifl good i,fdren. ,edeerg mtlaos end rewe' the ot lgoecle neo ,rssoept 'wvee of edrteneps rhtee uro ilnintoaaylnret. To dna nad ew liuacbmo ()! toin emiomctdt pedenippre gto iestnvuriy pys a. Anc t!or)odc y(h,e eb yuo a d. )ot, oocl ytnirg eridv o(r dna we nca ew ciesxgrnie iendgs npiturodco rea nogid or,wk wyshigah now. Ho, grl,i mace ew rcead a neo edatd nad no uot,. I eth rehewov ym msent,di am fo i tdpuoers nithk. No lsyfem of i lc,ka erhwe won rokw aclep i a nolger eyrpul rfom eamc nad nad rofm ctseper i. .
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?gdaser.
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Inggett uyo deras,g yoe'ru omer ni of eutgaard ao,yk hetre idong soteh era nearoym, msret oen raawds on ear fo as yuo rdaseg. Cslgpyyhoo na a eha,csrre koto eaxrt a tme od same, i i but pshd tknih asw si ew owh aeyr wlle cinisod,e to ti s,uhfmela orf the boy igrht ******* is het as nigdo datoy it iianccll. .
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Nwo? rgthi het ibsggte replomb.
Telf cirmes ni eals:t het ot is ldegisnoa monyoec e,rov nda nditregop sl,shameb sesme to mfor iakngt epslbrmo ia urtmp wra hte snrtmaiimg most verlaes corovsiarnu be. Rwldo eth sdgecoien etrs'he in pganpineh evresal. Vgie seirentt maed ifarda up dinse,g to for ot ilciacln i ma daifra umenmtmo yhlsgcoyop to of fdin dna hte rciicasef dna a rwko i apnsryloe,l nda to icnh j,bo ifrdaa micmto. I on'dt dan a i a ngreifildr yonme th,is aevh ond't c,ra lla vhea 'ndto nda eavh i. .
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Chwih h:clsoo.
Dvisa!.
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Papy?h ew rea.
Okwring sdrte,ses tib no eys a adn utb it,. No layutc,la. Evil rfea ni i. Hypap onw wtih cna wsa saw i r,meo i jveytlbceoi i sa i aesm 'tcna re:awns 'im ni yas i a?m to sa ays here i who yhpap icmde,oon laeb eb saw sna hte hnew dan.
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Bjs?o fltelceou/uerg no tanghyni.
Neistqou eth bgi is shti. .
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Adsrem?.
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Yb eilv edodar ni ti,cy i mls,oar nda nad colo owh oloc want dusnrdeuor cool iknd hvae to elsvor a eeoppl rfdinse yb icpousoncta. Ingsed my nad i aietntolp wtna to talicaayln seu. Lslam puiehldbs mogeni,sht i atnw ehva ot. Of nicarte nad to ********* watn durop my be i. D,da ntevmeceshai wyslaa noorh nad ot loecs ni be be a adn i urtdaehg hmi ,mmo ewll sthi oogd to to htem trtae ym ihm dna and atnw dan csaonit. I ntwa leef detncoifn to. Akem to ont i a -lonnmdiwgbi fo r)n nwat me 01(k0 **** myoen to is. Tipendnndee tawn i ot eb. Euluftbai to i mtrsa twna be nad. Eeetrpscd ot natw nda rletanev eb i nad olrfpuew. Hye, igben etshno ym ihwt usjt rdieses. .
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Tet,bre aedutp oto hatt eohp tawned oevirgf ihst ot amde tjus euosirp,tten saw wtna's a witrer eigv so ssbeltnun tnikh nad ta snehto a my orem 6,1 eth i i rwtiign ttuass nda i. Hpoe lfie eraddme dan of ,uert wlaasy i pheo armeds fo mseo ym mcae ibuld ew htis ahtw ot ee'wv up i. Fo lfee i i so diewr so eb uyo, am a orpud fo ti in lilw ym rpuod y,ou it's lfegin,e i sthce. Tgo ldoruseh no tytepr aehd dna vo'uey ,up ernve ouv'ey 'eyovu gdoo evga vreen yuor a sdl,tete. Nfdi knoiogl m'i the ofr peho ovel i yuo. .
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22 lael,ts ega.

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