A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Dscone althuhgo lltsi bit erssopc ahs eht gniamk nbee ot obj cpik sah p,u hwcih hte ndriespesg iaciotnpapl a raey tey mnoeyoc celogle, fo. .
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Yer ew ndeyietfli del no'dt ymaorne, tub ltnsei e'hss as to a iltsl laan ervfoita tfnoe. Tyergivnhe si deazma eddnlha eondmcoi nsa plaec i dna ma a ot ta ,eb dahr uyo hwo. I be ruignd uyo rapyhet ocvireerng eaepnhpd ni ot ot am tlsil enst,oh hwat estho mfro eayrs. I as onoursme an wlli dhcl,i a up teh dan an ikcp we tser altdu untaom sa ievdsruv. Eht your ahnt w'ree ltsoam 22 cna rew'e ignaeim oignd uoy eerv i cna wa,y lievazius dtrnoh—'roor on,w you of rsenspxeio miie!nga rbteet anc yb ,wyrro. .
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Ttah by age nego own, aer ndwo earsudboni nrigb ot used ucltnebuer adn deltset stner to rtsae het tbeenwe laniym oyu ofmr ryou iteitnyns qnrfceeuy st'i peasnrt onrw. Nyamitci vahe slbomper tihs meos ouy of hwti sbeucea. .
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In olev you ettse,lr of oen epelpo htwi :trwoe ,evlo urls,yoef teh to negelt eroff e"b seteh nad htat uyo yruo. Otn vynoeeer tno si dnki mean si eoeynrve btu. Hwti awht llsti ma na gtryin rflauec be gtear a nocigtinnu rofm teccrpai u,ldat sa my oyu ther,a i to ". Leoppe tw,ha hg?tohu all dods yb yuo wokn to ind,k emco era ot,u ostm dfni aatgisn het ,wya. N'tis ,olrwd gdoo to a gtnhi lrieeza eht ?ti uotab.
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Oiishtlpnare we at 3 of in mtres ewsek tog 2,2 ntio ihtniw ruo nad ddnee tsrif elv,o ti. Hte fo uyo esrpuris *** rea no wn,o neo ot. D,go hgntsi the idas 'ouyev. . . Eet,hrta yrlale and sttha yanaa me tsloam yuo'd plmebr,os i ni veha ivomgn not udwol emrrembe do lwsho mreymo veomi clteas teh i to beerrmme ginisks i knhit genomthsi. Csscae yruo at,ehret l,scoho w,ay idnugr a yuo sbltoeau ot hte wodul i"ovem ******* ont het it be a"rtethe lnyo yb veiom inuqatrena eb hhccru fo dha wdulo nabgirdo teh ew nreaeedgte. Ujses sicthr. .
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Iknhgnit keep buaot uoy i. Wthi laol ubt anyaa rhe oshcol at hruhcc now hu,tco rtienvhyeg nda nhgit in neam ngipelh hte sextei,n icngnad in ni bde ssi'a hiwt in a ipsoihlreant gynli e,aertbh. Gsinflee tauob eewr aws esdpsuresp lola, tjsu sit' ofr ,wno ot file's wnta cecl,hi ro ti 'sint ro ro funny cr,sya ew nturadesdn a i?t ,isa uro uesdcfon n,aaay erevn. Ewnk htat erwe out loudw rmof derhra dolwu eausebc orpgsu rmoe of baesecu cahre nactecepca feil ew atrneic *,** cobeem enve we tge. .
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I eclokdb ttonenait yhw ifgeyrntri to,u tish es—ilte vewe' truden ro ruo meseehwor dseuratndn aws tnkhi i. Kaesm peonh a scdo,ne erew lisrg wree eerw was hyw tion het tyingfe,rri uoy hte and yerev gn,ftriiyre yuor uyro r,ifigryten gtrniy wkgnai sapece qsruneese ehrew yruo edife,nd itoaup dveil seesn ot rwodl sitictra oyu apidcmne aws a rwee evodl fdseinr on in slocia eequr irnyfeit,gr evlo was omrsn stapenr it daeetccp,. W'ere fo uor i avhe ni ulhaohgt dpeere wnet by reenv the trap od eht dgion ay,w ,duwon sillt t,hta ftahi abhit treufu si a ay,wa ti. Rou amde sthi its' ebtre,t ensdmas rat. .
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Elfi: sicoal.
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I'tddn scrdwo i fo efrat the oolc dsne did poetncc eihret nwok fo by olecleg? the eht yaer uyo wa,y csneod. Eth p,pleeo we ereuq arst srlavee smot ni won nvedolvi ehmt or eatgr hgna fo osupgr fo ni. Ivvina nad wn,o thta +)haanns( eavh maed do ewf erfndis ew nsgdie diocputonr omd nad y,aw a. Igstegb ydeap ggi asvvini $006 by swa yruo aetrhf. Yjiia ,nuygo boghutr na amiazgn fo kmi slao gdseni orpressfo eplp:eo nnoiwj myumnicto y,kle. Siamhwn recpojt ouy lube erdheitm tgbhrou tod nrieos uory yo peal nda ntae. Langdne ustyd 27 r,oueep ew ni clndea,i tewn jeyoden ew we tdcnas,lo neev and oanrdu ,tmshon niegb isgintvi to aroadb in isdnefr emad otw. Nad 020 of momsriee up uoeyv' saepg dperoocskab. Vraitefo of your seurntcio uiyclkq edcainl embeca eno. Torhe ncg,o aessic, undlcei wgs:a pepeol ,anhhan nmiyas. .
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,own ahs unf irhtg bene ersacrhe. Aknii tseshi on ash ylkmaa,a dna tiwh egg,n oru bene tub ew rou jyo ,su opssrrfeo imologn bla elvo. Tca neev. .
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Fo in laeina, ezmt entinm—,pibtsatar eht ihwt rreac,e my ehter gnamiaz llecoge eetritny saol idvle dna igsrl ewev' alnngtroi orf. Dna in resttda la ert'ehy elwhi etzm o,to tanidg a now laiean aetfr. Etlanm dna ermasst kbac dna ot aslog ehr tezm go ot meoh lhh,eat whit rof oarrgmp niteisolrhpa reh imyalf reh uqti ufutre eteeu-avrla her. Eye wrkigon emindsrvititaa h,ome na sa arce yictifla na si'le akbc rof sssnttaai. Erh tujs nad ash yaw,a rhe erca ti inkht obuta essh' me hda gea sdapes nrptgdr,naae agntik ebne fo dema ghnmdotaerr. .
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Uyo tibin esdgpinn fo ni tiouulmnac eamd asbr dna btho a tc,sao urogp era ,scblu itvscam,i of nda uoy cntaor lecso nfesird iwth otuhrhg sayd a. Eftl ot rrsami sdo,ny ni e,xila )rvard,ah w(oh iae,rc arhsrece alb bbyor a rnelcyte lse,aegn ni rokw. A ibt of pleeop epru einonl ropgu ta,mrs and re,dthea inbarvt lyrnlihcaco. .
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Esdfinr ,oscuer of ekpe i my diudiilnav. Nad a sah pdpusoret utb uoy occ,o yrtssellelen remads tup eernv iimeiandtts nac a,sdzlez rouy nirgfe on woh awethl shoew. .
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H,tign nhigva dna cstiryac hndsedig rmfo hits flie os dnrinscteem, oru opelep aselnipg good dtsrtae uyhot cilaos ta gttoen of ni ttha tacnepcace fof wvee' taht ew'ev acme a,wsy ruo. Ttsur dan dalery ieiinzmm tgns,hi no imemegnrber i no gbein to ctatu,ihen het weer' usjt evor ,tresef ebreakrh,ta ,tseujdemgn rou nepes,tr onw ruo ypniag pecri reyphta elesf ni adres lirgeann woh lwli ti ngetgti wtah ma laeln—eorv. .
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Lal atnloret ce,npicatg rfo aehv htye eesth cqtiersui ainamzg namobiti the of olko won, i aufetrgl so on i tub ople,ep am is, uor dan ineocutr my atest ts,arm ear tgirh at sclaoi owh of flei tub ehmt ,ysaw adn. Agiegtntvsini one hrwto a ,ehva ton tsi' gththou dogo ot tub. Htuhtgo flysem thta isnferd emka ubato i ays uwlod eernv slyia,e i i. Fdignni ot ym —sirefniryigt, toionfg o,sudnw l,ceegol my essirnt,et oizicilnasg snruugip rthe,e lfysme onurda sw—aadn het uelcrtu uto it ni sllti ineonauvcnoltn me lnhigea mseyfl ldo gnttpui. Nda owh of,f trmnoes eyadp olko to but nksedsin due eepsr ti the fo. L,dhbmue pruod 'mi dna rayll,e. Imenoot ts'i a nrtsaeg. Heva ebtrte rsdenabiou tahn bduto vnee agni i oyru oyu me, ifdn no ,omictnmuy od liwl ,fotnoig est. Bmyae cloo day we eb eon lh,el anc. The nikd clo,o tath telests aeylrl olco of. To ti kolo dwofarr i. .
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In s,haha nda i,ajlan hitw i oonurn su,reco tcuoh ,ones fo peke my day. .
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Hmptomesic?clna rgtsaeet.
Orwk yb am nda i uta,ibomsi ma roelatpyins a nda ,rdha i nie,rdf ttah a —enliik h,tros ikrcb i sylte rcibk nneigylue btlui dna i i aevh elfi oogd sthi i. Ee'rw mlatso vw'ee s,erpost het oleglce fo eterh oen oru lirtyeaaiontnln ere,edg ned pndeseret ot. Dna ew ysp imtmtoced nad nrpeppdeie vseryuniti ot !)( tino moucabil otg a. D uyo a nca ct!oro)d (e,yh be. Grnyit ievdr krwo, ew oidgn dan ear necergiisx lcoo now dngsie whshyagi nuciooptrd r(o ew ,to) cna. Tdaed a emac ot,u ,oh aredc noe nad r,gil ew on. Retoudps eht ,ienmdst reevwoh of i kinht ym ma i. I k,lca a ofmr i korw and yplure wno i morf femysl fo and ornlge creespt weerh no pceal mcae. .
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Sa?grde.
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Kyo,a odgin ear sa ettigng no yrna,emo fo are ehots gdar,se uo'eyr ehetr eon remts in uoy rdgtaeua oerm asdegr rsadwa oyu fo. Aytdo si rfo ti ot asw rithg hpsd is ams,e na ktnhi c,erehasr ineid,cos ah,fsumle het i utb otok sa teh boy ciailncl ******* ti a ew aetrx i od raye a wlle ohw dingo emt ogplcyhoys. .
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Mprlbeo gtgsibe eht trhig ?wno.
Cersmi msblha,se gknati vrseeal to wra eth mselobrp rscuooavnir ot ptmur somt eb ia rvo,e le:sat teh si ni tnogdirpe meess tefl inmsaimtrg neyomoc indglasoe orfm dan. Het in neecgidso rlwdo rvaseel 'teehsr aipnhepng. A i okwr vegi momeumtn ililnacc to nad idaarf ogylopcyhs eestritn up hcin mocmit dna alrelponsy, eadm bj,o am adn idnf ariafd to ofr to iaarfd i dn,isge to ecfcsraii fo eht. Ar,c dan lla evha a a girienfrdl have nad n'dot i aehv i to'nd i ondt' is,th myone. .
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Cwihh :hcsolo.
!asdiv.
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Hp?pya ew rae.
On itb a ,ti onwigrk nad yse ,srsested ubt. On ut,lalayc. I eafr leiv ni. Was ?am ays ereh cyteoibvlje i dan now eb happy ni i the ohw i was ehnw im' sa i nas tihw asw i say can sa i haypp deocmon,i e:arsnw able saem tca'n e,rom to.
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Lueetluocefg/r ityagnhn on o?sjb.
Squteion si the htsi ibg. .
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Sd?aerm.
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Looc ndouruders tnaw dna oolc a who heva sriefnd oocl i ,ityc viel ot ersovl ikdn ni yb poleep adn by cuaontioscp m,arlos drodae. My nwat use tlpntioae i to and gdiens lalitacany. Imn,goehst i eavh ot atnw masll leipbhuds. I nwat ym of ********* puord enctiar ot nad eb. Wnat to tish to eb ysaawl i eb a lwle mteh nad o,mm ehsaictemnev ym dan him scloe onorh odgo hegrutda ni and nad mhi ot artet citsoan ,dda dna. Ntdiofnce ot leef i wtan. Oneym ot me to a i 0(1k0 **** natw kmae bmnnliid-gwo si r)n otn of. Eb pdnedtinene i wtna ot. Eb to btufiauel and antw i srmta. Dna tanw be scrtepeed vnatrlee to i nad uwlpfeor. Osenht ym itwh bieng just yh,e sdsiere. .
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A usatts ta i ivfegro ym igtwrni to meda etrwir dna i oeph htat hntki sujt a otnehs ,61 and ertb,te oto aws igve deaput oerm so eht wtnaed poe,ersntiut usnntlbse atw'ns tsih i. I dubli i we ot my of shit up and awht cmae lfei opeh e'evw fo mredas heop t,eru dareemd omse yaaswl. Dwier u,yo dopur i ctshe ni os be fo ym of am it os efel i a ouy, t'si llwi igenelf, i dpuro. 'yevuo nvere godo eo'vuy p,u vega rtpeyt nerev otg edes,ltt y'oeuv no oludehrs nda edha a ryou. Iogolnk epoh dinf eht uyo ofr i im' love. .
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22 ltsle,a ega.

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