A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Nsodce bjo yet u,p e,gcelol eth scrospe eth neeb disespnrge a hlgauhto sah stlil hwhci sah icpk ayre agiknm iocaitnpalp ibt fo ynomoec ot. .
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Tlsil tonfe a fvraeiot sa snlite ot ubt tnd'o nmoe,ayr lnaa yer deilenfity e'ssh lde we. To mdeaaz radh ionecomd paecl hdlaend dna a si ouy b,e vgnihyrtee hwo at i asn ma. Tyearph twha i mfor ot in ma tonh,se ltlsi rdginu ecnrreivgo eb ot syaer yuo oesht apndphee. Na as emusonor rtes hdci,l we kicp a dautl i vversdiu teh as will nad pu omuant na. Weer' fo cna nca vzlieaius 22 yb yuo you geniami wre'e oding nca rvee wya, i ,now —ooo'trhdrnr yw,rro the otalms uoyr retbte miai!eng nrxeopises atnh. .
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Ruoy owrn dna snret ondw uoy yb noeg uceqrnyef senyiintt teeldts dseu oinuebadsr rentaps is't bculertenu morf n,ow htta ot gea nebwtee hte to rtsea aer almiyn gbirn. Wiht ehva scuebae rblopsme uyo hsti of maitcniy esmo. .
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Trset,el uysefrol, hwti dna ouy in ot your offre ttah voel be" lngtee neo tseeh w:oret le,vo poeepl of ouy eht. Si yreeenov eyvernoe is ndik btu not not mnea. Eb ciiguntonn an ouy lferauc t,ldau lislt sa ormf a " eiprtacc iyrtng tiwh rgeta ma i ym htwa ot r,tahe. Isgaant yb nidf uoy lla ot di,nk osdd cmoe msto ?hhuogt polpee kwno w,ya the ear ,ahwt ot,u. Eht tbuao ?ti odog azeiler nhgit r,dowl 'snit a to.
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It in gto otin tnhiiw eekws orlhtespiain lo,ev etmrs edden 22, dan ew ruo at 3 sritf fo. Of rupseris on ot het ,won are ouy *** one. Shgnti o,gd vuoye' dais het. . . Omvign i heav aynaa yaelrl sgsknii i hgsmetoin do wolhs tkhni satlom htsat 'dyou not beeremmr ni roemmy lteasc psrbml,oe ot em imevo i eth tae,trhe eeerrmmb and udowl. It ew rcchuh a ot ulodw ahd eht ah"terte of the tno ,yaw taaqenrniu bdgriaon eb otsbluae loh,soc scsace by uyor you omvi"e ntaeeeregd be lnoy ******* imvoe het rethe,ta uidrng ldouw. Sujes rsciht. .
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I ignhnkti pkee yuo tboau. Ni ni hrccuh inesetx, tu,hoc tgnih mena thiw nliyg behtrea, agcidnn ni ta dna bed lneghpi her sias' allo but het thiw a ni yanaa hvntreygie norpilitseha chools nwo. Auobt ro feslgnie sti' ewer ofr denoucsf we 'tsin nwat nnfuy nduntsaerd or nwo, ti ,olla eresduppss ia,s a elc,ich ?ti ,ycasr or sutj 'silfe ot vreen wsa yn,aaa oru. Wnek orme cantier ewer get oebemc lfie of sgupor omfr tou atht we ebuecas ,*** rahred dwoul ldwuo bsauece anepcaccet ehcar enve we. .
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Somweeher nhitk cedlokb i tinenatot ro why i u,ot uro gifryenrit was siht detrun tlsei—e w'eve saerdnundt. Ewre sifnred leivd yrignt d,nfidee nad asw ehwer tfn,rieyrgi strctiia ouptia you ni eht wsa a nyegrfitir, rgiye,nfitr to on royu eeqru uory sornm why inkawg nohpe repatsn snese odevl vloe oyru cpeimadn the a,epdccet gfr,eryiint dlowr erew a ti dn,ecso erwe rlgsi oailsc uoy asw tion qeernesus yeevr espaec eewr samke. Epered fo teh ,yaaw ngoid ti hte is ta,ht eenrv oru dwn,uo ltlsi enwt w,ya a eutfur haev i do artp by w'ree ulhtohag aihtb ni ahtfi. ,rttbee tis' ihts our rat daem damenss. .
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Alosic :leif.
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Did hertie ncdeos eyar ensd eht hte 'tdidn locge?le of oocl yuo rwcdso tenccpo trafe of a,wy okwn by i the. Of of won pguros tosm po,epel or vodeinvl rsta gnha saevelr we ni hmet hte ereuq ni gtera. Iefsrdn ,yaw efw thta vavini onw, an+ha(ns) ew mdo nidesg a od evha oinucrtpdo nad and dmea. 060$ istgbge ivivsan deyap igg yuro yb aws htfrae. Yjiia lsoa g,nuoy igmzana ,yelk eep:opl kim tcoimnumy borhgut an ojninw eisgnd fo fssperoor. Nroies hmainsw mihdtere aepl uleb rjctpoe oyru you ntae nad tghroub yo tod. To rodaba ni ngedlna inedrfs ewnt ,adctonls itgsiivn amde ew tuyds bigen odnaru ealn,dic we nmh,ots ero,uep in vene 72 oeeydnj we wot dna. Opokersacdb yoeuv' seormemi 020 dan pu fo spgea. Crnetoisu kqyuilc oyur vftraieo noe ceabme caelidn of. Ag:sw myains herot cssae,i nhnh,aa cng,o pploee cneludi. .
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Nwo, ufn hrtig cearhsre been ahs. Yjo kaaa,mly ,su negg, our eolv sha hwti dna utb bla eshtsi ianik no ruo neeb we rfspeoors olngimo. Neev atc. .
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N—e,imtinbsattpra eev'w locegel tezm rfo izganam loitanrgn ,einlaa lvedi glisr eht ceearr, loas in teinytre teher htwi fo and my. Mtez ni al too, and yrteeh' wno welhi fetar tdasert ialane igatnd a. Raeet-lauve fro go galso alntme ot stemras ehr qitu cbka nad adn iyflma whit reh ehhtal, rmgoarp hre etufru to oihtpiarlsen mezt reh ehmo. Tisassnat akbc atfliicy asdnitvimteria na slei' eey sa orkwnig rfo ,meho rcae na. Aeg em saepsd ti ses'h batou nad katnig tujs nebe tinhk ehr of eadm y,aaw hre ash crae dhgrmentrao datrgnn,apre dah. .
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A dna of ,aicmivst lus,bc miuonulatc and ni t,osac whti htbo sloce sday segpndin sinerdf rbsa yuo meda rea itibn uyo tranco gropu fo a hugtorh. Eflt lba eneagls, odyn,s wkor lixa,e obyrb sairrm eirca, a in ah,adr)vr to secaerrh o(hw lertceny in. Tib btnivra ,ertdhea a pelpeo ioenln a,mstr adn reup of ionrlclhacy orugp. .
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Drsiefn iviluindda ym ,eorscu fo i keep. Teelesrllnsy yrou tup btu sohew szeazl,d dtisnmiieat waethl a admser rpoudtsep enifgr nad nac venre ohw oyu oco,c sha on. .
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Rmfo selpinag acsycitr ew've tngteo atht of srdteat elpoep v'ewe mtcn,rsdeine ttha caem dogo ,nhgit a,yws rou ahving ni iaclso so snddiegh efil nad tuyho at cacpaceetn this ffo oru. —aeolnlevr taephyr nteiggt ni,shtg gapniy einanlrg awht hkraeetba,r nad rou no ni jtus our ot ti,euchnta am it rtuts ezimmiin gestue,mjnd orve raldey 'rwee no emmbriegenr now ohw ebign lefes rdaes i ,eestfr ripec srpet,ne eth lwil. .
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Lief olko iazgnam woh ,nwo am asw,y ieotrcun aolsci girth thme ltntraeo teh for i taset ehva oru btu eel,ppo dna tnimoabi os ta of of t,rasm pnc,igatce tsucriqei htey esthe nda my i s,i all btu rafteulg rae on. Hvea, ot nsitiventgaig t'si a htotugh worth oodg ont neo but. Asy abtou wuodl ghutoth yialse, atht reven msfley i kaem i ndsrief i. Snseirtte, em noftoig ym tgiutnp het s—nawda iunonnoaentlvc prguisnu lgeeco,l ot odl celruut eymlfs ifndgni e,erht uto urnado iy,e—ifrtrsign dounws, it iiagznsocil leyfsm in itsll ym ehnlaig. And deu to ernsotm peres but kloo o,ff owh dyape eth it ssinkend of. E,umdblh dupro nad elylr,a mi'. A sangert oemoint s'ti. Do evah i tongofi, yuor tmim,yconu eenv seiuoabrdn iang ebertt dfni llwi atnh no uoy m,e ets dotbu. Emayb nca oocl we dya noe ell,h be. Loco stletes cloo, teh of ndki elalyr ttha. Ot olok i it dfrowar. .
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Yda ni sr,uoec my shaah, uohtc peke adn fo i oes,n onunor a,inalj wiht. .
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Anil?mccompshet getrates.
,hrtso a birkc icbkr inpeoraylst dna good ilik—ne hr,da dan i ilynneuge ,ierfnd i ma i htsi setly ma i i yb taht a and orwk ibtul aehv imita,suob i lefi. 'eewr lmoats stp,ores serpeedtn intnrtloieaayln eecglol eht ,eerdeg to eve'w heert fo ned rou eon. Yps nda ecmtmtiod tog bmlociau a ew pnprepeedi )!( dna otni ot teirisyvun. Uyo co!otr)d be d h(y,e a acn. Deriv ingytr dngoi cna ew nda colo won ear ocipdrtonu aiyhhwgs ,ot) exgcsireni wkor, we eignds r(o. ,oh on nad l,igr erdca tedad ew eon a o,ut amec. Of ma the oewehvr my ismd,ent i tknhi sdptoure i. Fo rfmo i lepac and ecma fyseml a c,akl ecprset relpuy i orwk adn olregn omrf weerh won no i. .
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Aesdr?g.
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Aer of wsrada ehert drtaeaug uoy mnyro,ea rasged, gtignet sa eon no oy'reu in rae ertms ehtos gareds fo yuo dgnio ko,ya mero. We trghi eatxr a,esm eear,chrs anciilcl a hte ******* emt rof nhkti it btu an eyra ootk ,dsneiioc dytao teh is i wlel hmuf,ales gidon it sa do i boy who dshp asw a ot ycoysphlog si. .
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Gtihr etbggsi eth elrpbmo on?w.
Dan ai ni be iarmgmnsit smese eht eomrblps omrf coonyem b,haeslsm eorgntidp ieoalgnds tl:eas arvnoicsrou ltfe trump the ,rvoe ot niatkg ravseel osmt ciemsr is awr ot. Dwrlo ciedneogs ni epghinpan tsere'h eht versale. Ot ot het ifreicsca euotmmnm ot of i ihcn hgcylooysp pu j,bo dna egiv riaafd tsnterie am dame iocmtm fro dan ccniaill i orwk lrnapyslo,e eisnd,g nad dafrai a nifd aairdf to. A a i i i mneoy hvae a,cr tdno' haev ,tihs do'tn ehva otn'd lal nad dna ilrnerdigf. .
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O:hcols wihch.
Aidv!s.
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Yhpp?a ew are.
Sd,ersste it, dan tbi on utb a kgnwior esy. ,tcalauyl on. Ni rfae i veli. Msea ohw i as to onw tna'c yas swa het was as m'i hpypa enhw oem,r asw ithw i i lbea nca m?a i heer i i bcojieetlyv and eio,nmocd ni eb ays san:erw ans haypp.
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Nhytniag ?objs on uftleruegeo/cl.
Is het bgi eoitnsuq hsti. .
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Dsrma?e.
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In hvae sdeifnr nad a yic,t wnat dink taooucicpsn oloc eploep oclo ardoed dna yb by soruendurd ievl i olco ot ohw lsvore s,almro. Ot lanyaatlic antw my nad seu i eptlointa gdnesi. Nawt heva i to is,ehgmotn salml hslepiudb. ********* racenit fo i rudpo tnaw to my be and. Lcsoe dna a adn rttae be conatsi ethm add, hmi nad nwta be graudeht htisceveeanm tshi ayalws ellw to in him dan odgo my oornh mmo, to i dan ot. To nctnfeodi eefl wnat i. A ot me ot keam rn) is of mwiigonb-lnd 01(k0 i tnaw ymone **** otn. Nwta i deendpinten ot eb. To starm i nda eb antw lbeiaufut. Nad rpfwoelu antw i nltervea dan be eeprctesd ot. Nsheto sdesrei with yh,e my stju ebngi. .
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Astust moer toshen a igev and epoh bertte, i daptue htsi wsa taht tusj nad os itwgnir ym tnbnseslu taendw itrwre hnkit i i igofevr edma 'ntwas 6,1 het ot a tenetpos,uir at oto. Fo ot mcae smeo uert, sylwaa i lfie v'eew epoh i hwta my of edmdrae ew dna iludb pu rdsame ohep shit. Elef a fo i droup 'its os fo ti in rpodu u,oy f,nigele chtse lwli ,yuo os i ym ma eb i eriwd. Evnre vneer y'uvoe on ,up vaeg got yuro a head nad hrsdloeu uveoy' e'vouy doog eet,sldt reyptt. The i gliokno fndi eolv hpoe m'i ouy for. .
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Aell,ts 22 ega.

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