A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Eo,ellcg tisll enbe ot osedcn pciliaonpta kpic eht scersop teh whhci pu, gprdessein oemncoy has ibt reya job a igamkn yte of sah aghhutlo. .
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Yeilenftid sa to inslet eyr t'don verifaot laan led tlsil tub sehs' a ew eontf ynar,oem. E,b drah adn palce i lnedadh is at coeinodm uyo woh ma ans edzama a ot rvnetegyih. Paheenpd you rahpyte rgnuid to fmor tohes h,oenst slitl wtah reocevrgni seary in i eb ot ma. Luatd up vrusevid eht we iwll and a moatun pikc as an lhidc, umnorsoe estr an i as. By rbetet gondi eerw' can r,owry nath i!mianeg can nca fo uyo wa,y w'ree 22 onw, tslmoa i nrothro—'dor ever yuo iezasuvli uory sespneoxri eth gaeiinm. .
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Stenr sdeu ogen bdoerusnia eag nodw fmor tteslde ,nwo dna hte newetbe s'it snerpat oyru ot onrw to uelnerbtcu uyo are rneucyefq nintyetis alniym by that rbgin ertas. Tihw spelrbmo msoe yuo abesceu iatniycm hsti fo eahv. .
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Olppee yuo teh nda trl,este syf,oeurl eno uyo eltegn in ihtw to freof fo yrou ehtse lv,oe velo :etorw "be atth. Nto yornveee btu eeeorvny is kidn emna si tno. Be uyo llits acctrpei my rmfo a a,tldu hitw tgynir fraeluc ot ituocgninn i sa htwa na am erah,t gatre ". Sdod oyu to lal oecm o,ut by are ,dkin mots ?oughth taiasng waht, teh w,ay kwon peeplo indf. ,wodrl zirelae a hte tnigh 'sitn oubta oodg to t?i.
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Into dndee at esewk dna uor we it in ,olve ohipasrlient itwnih rfsit got of 22, 3 smrte. No one hte fo to *** own, pesruisr ear ouy. Htsgni eovuy' isad teh ,dgo. . . I rymmeo i altsom ni erberemm nda hsatt od ot scleat igisnsk eahv lwhos i dowlu invgom hte ,hateret ebmrreem l,brspome kithn em earlly ont 'yudo yanaa oimve hsnmegtio. Eb dtreeengea ew ti you ot secsca blstuaoe of ynlo hteta"er evoim tno hetreat, eht dha het soco,lh lwdou by "omiev ******* aaqtnnrieu aw,y dolwu yuro eht a hcurch eb irngud rdgbniao. Ictshr jusse. .
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Oyu ninikhgt tboua i peke. Ihtw laol lhipgen anme yrihtvegen onw ohcosl ni extsei,n ruhhcc reh het tbu aienishorptl bed in ni gcndani nihtg liyng tihw ohc,tu taebh,re ta dna aayan a ss'ia ni. Tis'n nnfuy a ti? lfsi'e duntredans it ew erew rof ayna,a genefisl ,isa ao,ll swa tjus tis' heicc,l to cs,rya uro boaut rsespesdpu or or nwta evner or nudocefs no,w. Of eknw bcsueae mfro ttah out ebocem surgpo ***, eaesucb nvee eerw would dulwo teg we necptcaeac hrdaer lief racntei meor acreh we. .
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Eevw' obcldke nduert i wyh ruo nanettoit ihts leste—i rnfgiyreit asw hitkn eheermwos or ,out i ndusdaentr. Ovdle het rfintrey,ig ruyo msron ersnifd eht no eohpn oitn ti aws ruyo aws dveli eewr kames ttircisa rilsg oiatpu hyw rrgytefin,i ,fneiriytgr edaet,cpc a erehw rwee fiitre,yrgn efen,did eeryv qensusree a ewre uyo lvoe to lsicao mdniceap senes oyu in swa pnrtaes drwol ureqe acpsee iwgkna rwee dan ,ndecso uyor nitgyr. I douw,n rpedee tewn hfati fo odgin do isltl nrvee feurtu ti hgaoulht a the in tpra het heva rou is awa,y tbaih a,tht yb ya,w 'erwe. ,retebt i'ts itsh amed atr our samesdn. .
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Le:if oslaci.
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Cool of fo a,wy did nesd teh nokw yb i di'dnt ocnsed teh ihrtee el?elcog coctpne srcdwo teh yrae erfta oyu. Vleodniv pleoep, ueerq we rtsa fo ealrvse etmh ro ni smot fo ni now ogsupr the regta ngah. Eidrnsf a,yw we sa)+a(nhn wef dna hvae insged a od nad rnipdtocuo vinvia omd wno, ttah edam. Ydape gestbig igg $060 hrefat vviiasn by yuor aws. Diegsn osal rpreossof an fo ctnummioy l,yek peelop: nu,yog aanmzgi rouhtgb wionjn mik ijaiy. Tpjrcoe ronise pale mwihasn royu dan oy belu turbgoh ehtriemd tod ouy tean. N,dieacl sfndrie 72 ewtn er,uope in we vnee atn,sdclo ew eginb mdea ytusd wot raabdo ni nda odunar tiigivns moths,n ew eoynjde ot ldeanng. 020 eapsg odaeockbsrp and up isemrome of eyou'v. Lkyqiuc uyro fo ldnacie soiucetrn eon aefrtvoi caebme. Oppeel iscea,s sanmyi hhna,an cgo,n wgsa: ehotr ueilndc. .
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Sha eenb nuf hgitr rascrhee n,ow. Neeb nogolmi ruo tbu hstesi on we evlo lkm,yaaa dna jyo osropserf us, uor sha ihtw kanii lba ,gegn. Eenv tac. .
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Oaglrtinn oleglce ,aleian for aols deliv nad ceae,rr itynrete ignaamz 'ewve of heret mzte in ab—tnpian,irtmets gilsr the wthi ym. Now taefr edtatsr nda oo,t e'yerht ni a anlaie al dnatgi zetm ihlwe. Dna etnlma to mheo eaeru-vtael dan og goasl reh asstmer ufuetr rmogarp ckba emtz ehr filmay hre lspeioanithr erh ot ituq itwh hlhtea, orf. As oiwgkrn erca kacb tflicyai fro i'sle tiariindteasmv an aitsastsn eo,mh eye an. Rhe hsa her ankgti gatnade,rnrp eag adh eneb drmaetgnrho stju eamd sespda eacr 'shes ti em kihtn y,aaw ouatb adn of. .
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Ouy adn lu,scb btoh ni gpuro htiw gsidpnne drenfis ctaonr adme latcoumuni ydsa a aer bsra stcvii,ma of of tibni oeslc rouhhgt nda sctao, a you. In smrira a esharecr in okrw yrobb yeertnlc ercai, ielx,a bal dnyo,s hw(o ot eftl aahr,)vdr esen,lag. Itb eploep aohlrciylcn dr,theea atnibvr atr,ms a group fo urep adn lneoni. .
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Kepe nrisdfe ecrs,ou my inuvaldiid fo i. Etlawh vrnee ohw isidnmtatei your sohwe oco,c a anc ouy grinfe no tpu neellyestrls has sarmed ubt nad ,eldsazz pdsuorpte. .
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Eevw' rdaestt atht elfi ni our hgainv ehidsngd so eoplpe etgton maec hatt hi,tgn uyoht our nad mfro weev' rcctasiy lipnsega cslaoi stih dgoo at off aeeccpntca fo ysw,a nct,nisdeemr. Giearnln liwl trhypae evenoalrl— uro gtnietg utrts ot it tp,nrese orev iagnpy ldeary adn het dears hg,tnsi on resf,te i ni hwat nmmeiiiz woh ujst e'ewr rtbarekh,ea won gebni our sefle taiunech,t rbreiegnmem ircpe no am gedjme,nuts. .
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,sywa loenratt aer dan owh ibmitnoa am of tub fo afltureg so my i ehest isutiqrec file itrhg no and tsaet ta kool aevh is, lla casilo tbu ctiuonre ntcaeicgp, opple,e ehmt thye mrs,at eht i fro mnzagai oru ,own. Eh,av but to its' otn doog ottguhh igvientganits a oen trwho. Duolw i rndsife i ghottuh a,lsiye erevn yemslf butao i say kmea atth. In univncnlaoneto r,tehe azilogisicn sflemy ultercu lislt ym ylfsem me nfndgii dus,nwo ti ym out puinttg l,elocge unpgsuri nleigah the uandro old ,estnriset ieitirsn—,yfrg dn—waas to ngtifoo. Ffo, of dan ohw ti btu olok dnsksien to nsmreto eud padey eerps het. Hd,lmeub i'm rye,all rduop adn. Iomenot a 'sti esgntra. Tminycu,mo ets ,em uroy neev no eubadirson ahev idfn tberte you lliw angi od i fngi,too bdotu htna. Ymaeb elhl, eon ew be cool day cna. Raylle of lo,oc lssetet eth nkid oocl ttha. I ot rfoarwd olok it. .
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I hwit ,esorcu of day ocuth unrnoo dna my pkee ,snoe ni saha,h lania,j. .
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Accpel?notsimhm ttsregea.
A leynuengi veha by crbki owkr hsti s,baiomitu nad i ma rikcb nda gdoo kin—eli that a i fne,ird ho,tsr tubil ,hard i ma etysl nda i i feil i elpstynaoir. Etehr v'eew neo p,srtoes w'eer ruo hte dne gdere,e tloitanaylinern erpestned slmoat egcolle of ot. Ew mictdomte ot laimcoub enidpeperp iont syp nad iterynvuis and a !() ogt. Acn a uoy eb d hye(, )rdoot!c. Ko,wr yintgr we cna rea erivd we ,t)o won dna ro( hghswiay ndgsie poitndorcu idnog oocl siinerxgec. H,o on tddea eamc a we adn ligr, rceda tou, oen. The my ewhorve ktihn drsptueo edim,stn i fo ma i. Lpace romf k,lca lrypeu i i on mfor rehwe erlnog wrok eceptrs i mace and now and a fmesly fo. .
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Edsgar?.
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Meoyn,ar fo edaargtu sa uoy odgin aadswr era fo tesmr ntgegit eno era s,degra no etrhe eargsd ,akoy steoh oyu oerm yoeu'r ni. Doaty toko an a ogidn rfo si is saw oby hwo a f,uaelsmh emt dpsh teh i,discoen cr,hrease ti lwle it sa ubt we ot het arye cyhgosylpo i sema, ithrg i hintk eatxr ******* llicinca od. .
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Eht oprlmbe hirgt gbsgite won?.
Het to vre,o is to giantk mrof smot vrsleae teh pndrgotie lsbhames, adn sseem raw lt:eas ocmeony crimse in sunoaoirrcv uptrm tiamimsnrg glsedaoni ltef be rsmeblop ia. Ni hte dwlor t'ehrse npenpgiha gnedeisoc leavsre. Wokr ojb, a ma to llnoesrypa, ommict to faaidr orf iteetrsn lclaiinc afrida inch nda eivg ifnd sien,gd i aadifr ot of pu unmmeotm i adn to yclpsyogoh adem nad the ricsecfia. Tond' i ra,c hvae i a eymon ldgnifirer i a ih,ts aevh all t'ndo nda vhae ton'd adn. .
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Cohl:os chhiw.
Vdasi!.
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Hy?app ear we.
Yse a ,it nkorigw nda btu edtsress, no tib. Tacl,auly no. I ni ilve aref. I hyapp eabl as :rsanew ays i ppyha in saw i i ot veyjcitlobe asme dmoco,nie wehn dna sa reeh aws sya 'im owh sna eo,rm eth ?am thwi eb na'tc i asw nwo i can.
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Eroeulcf/tguel bsoj? agnnyith on.
Tsih usioenqt si gib the. .
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?msreda.
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By elvi nda to cloo ohw i fiesndr by ni oocl dna dkni cloo avhe a rvelso ,msroal ycti, wnta sonruderdu iopocctsuan pepelo oddear. Pianlteto wnta ot dna esu ym laailycant inegsd i. Ngemhisto, dsplhebiu lmasl to i nwat vhae. Ym nwta ********* droup ncrieat nad ot i fo be. Ot mhet adn well i ni him be hgertdau walsya ,dad nad be awtn htis vinetsachmee nda csloe onohr and to odgo ot mmo, ym ihm atetr a dna sactnoi. I wtna doecnftin elef to. Omyen is i emak fo ton me **** a ot ntwa to -lodiimwnngb 001k( nr). Antw eb i pntndedenie to. I dna lftbuieua stmra ot eb twna. Dna nad i be wnta decpester lpwforue vlteaenr ot. Twhi otnhes ym juts neibg e,yh esrdsie. .
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Eubssnntl eanwtd rrewit iovfgre and tasw'n a ttssau phoe to asw 1,6 too gvie a hnsote my nda made hntik at i i tbter,e udaetp nriptotseu,e hte jtsu i omre so hits taht rgwitni. Ew iths ot redaemd wtah my dna feli lwyaas pohe of mdrsae hoep eu,rt i aemc eosm up ulidb i w'eve of. Fe,ignle so so dprou thcse be i ti's ti driwe a of ni am iwll i ym efel fo i ,you orpud y,uo. A ehda oyur oodg yeuov' adn evo'uy pu, aevg no vrene dtltese, yptrte vreen deuholsr gto uvye'o. Oyu ovle peoh the i'm fro i nglkooi nifd. .
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Least,l 22 ega.

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