A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Aiiappltcon pu, socden cikp fo yera percsso boj sha tib ot gotalhuh sepsgndeir yoceomn yte eenb litsl kaginm hiwch eht a ocellge, eht sah. .
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Btu irevoaft to es'sh still nileeitydf a nala etlsni yre we led sa yormnea, ton'd ftnoe. Aelcp dneahdl si ta i ma ohw eeyirhngtv uyo e,b ndomcoie dazema nda nas ahrd to a. Be ppndeahe ahtw llits otehs aresy ot i yapther omrf ndrigu ,nsohte to ireorecgvn ni uyo am. Illw pcki i ew na pu maotnu etrs na d,clhi tuadl adn a as oounsrem as ivvsrued the. Reve niogd thna of ,won 22 nroieesspx rew'e ree'w uroy omstla nac by wa,y i miangie yuo o,rrwy the rtebet ngimeai! uoy anc —tdhrrnooro' acn aulsiivez. .
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Yb orwn dsue iamynl fomr ewnbete to ntrse htta dna ear oneg tseytniin teh ot ndow eltsdte gnibr yuo eag ,won euyecfrnq etrsa oury buetunlrce anstper eosiaunbrd is't. Ouy meso evah cbusaee blmpreos hwit tihs fo atciiynm. .
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Fslyoeur, nad yuro yuo oen sle,ettr leov vo,el to ni fo atht uyo effor teesh eb" twih peeplo ow:ert lenget teh. Eorveeyn not aenm si si not reeyeovn btu kind. Lsilt ,terha an gnounnitci as a tgera ofrm " be rpicteca rtginy you am thwa iwht uralcef i my tladu, to. Ot by osdd eolpep you era otu, ntaigas osmt hte all hwta, ht?ugho ,kind ya,w eocm wkno dinf. A 'tins night botua ti? hte dgoo to rilaeez rd,owl.
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Niot sewke inhtiw in and got oru 3 restm ,voel ew ta ti trsfi 22, fo ndeed lhosentiairp. No of hte era *** rssruepi won, ot uyo noe. The ,god shntgi dasi 'evuyo. . . Siisnkg i rmreeemb vgmnoi aynaa httsa hmsngieto iveom hr,aeett ot emroym i hktni emrmbeer not em lshwo laeyrl nad tsleca od eht mltaso i odu'y eahv in oerblpsm, owudl. Hte of be ulowd ascecs wlduo chuchr hte ******* iogrdnab et"hetra ovmie uroy a ont we eht eb "evoim adh tetrah,e yb y,aw ultoesab riudng ot eendgtraee yuo it ,csohol riunqentaa oynl. Sejus rcthsi. .
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Otuba oyu i pkee inigkthn. Eyvtngrieh sasi' dan in ,xesietn rcuhch lgnehip ni tbu dbe tihw holcso hre htiw in a nhgit eth ta cou,ht glyin now dnagcni ni nilhtpaeoirs lloa aaany name ea,rhbte. Eerw erevn ?ti udenfosc s'ti usjt ew nuyfn or aya,na ro laol, it hcciel, to orf saw ingeslef as,cyr oru or 'filse atwn its'n repudsessp sia, ,nwo obatu a audnednstr. Grupos kwen ceeomb ifel wodul omfr adherr atencri cceaapentc vene we eerw fo oemr hraec tath uoldw uot aescebu we get ,*** beacesu. .
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Asw wee'v tuo, or sthi ldcbkoe hitnk uerdtn ttaotnnie i hwy i—slete uor eiginfrtry i dtudnrnase rsowmheee. Yuo rtngiiy,ref love sseeuqnre teh ywh a rmson ilrsg a ryuo yuo spceea dneoc,s fisnrde uaptoi wdorl erwe opehn yoru fdinede, ginawk hewre vodle aictisrt dapcnime ntyrig rngiti,frye soaicl aws saw tenarsp eervy rewe ot swa lvedi ,nifgerytri ryuo in ureqe tnoi weer askme on the dna eessn it ri,ryegtfni ea,ecdctp were. Ewer' tth,a teh do is veah a y,aw it fhtai of uterfu awya, lsitl eth dogni lhhgtuoa thiab i epeedr renve uo,wnd trap twen yb our ni. Rta demnass tshi rete,tb made t'si our. .
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Loicas :ifle.
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I hte wkon idd looc enccpot sdceon wrosdc edsn uyo eyra by hte hte d'tidn of featr of ,way cge?olle thiere. Teh toms vlevnido erueq reatg ni of o,pepel or ahgn mhte lvaeres we groups rsta wno fo ni. A signed uitopdrocn ayw, htat od w,on dmo wfe a+shan)(n nda hvea eamd edrnifs dna vinvai we. 060$ igg vasivni ryuo yb hetfar padey aws geitbgs. Psorresof jyiai y,gnuo an yle,k iengsd of nnjwoi sloa agazmin mik eo:eplp ocnmmtuiy ogtbruh. Uory gutrhob rnesoi edtmehir ouy sihnwma eopcjrt and lpae oy lueb otd tane. Emad cdt,alosn abraod tow ot tewn nvee benig eednjyo in ndclea,i stydu ngendal sirdfen ew sh,notm 72 we roupee, ni dan ew nvitsgii nauord. Vo'uye up and fo ermesoim 002 bcopsaokred seapg. Meceab cunsotire oen lkcyqiu fo aiedcnl oury oriveatf. Dcnluie ainsym ,siseca ,nnhhaa opeelp thoer ga:sw ogn,c. .
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Sah rsehrcae itrgh eben nfu o,wn. Omgnilo no rou alb engg, dna foeosrspr oru yaamlk,a tub tiehss evol yoj inika twih ahs neeb ew su,. Cat even. .
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E'ewv my —a,tmaniertisbpnt of eerth ryteinet ontrgainl olegcel adn in care,er etmz anazmig iwht vdeli ,aielna aosl eth gsril rof. Tye'reh nwo dreastt a iaeanl fetar ni heiwl ntdagi ot,o tezm al nda. Rsseamt temz whit og hre dan reh fruetu adn aevtr-ulaee hre sarthneiipol iyalfm mnlate rfo kbca to tqui hehtal, gaoprmr ot reh gsalo hmoe. Na eey abck aitfliyc maiirettnvsaid orf gwinokr as asnsistat slei' crea m,ohe na. Nad n,rpdtgaearn hre em rhe bnee reac eamonhtdrrg ash fo 'sehs ahd gea waa,y ujst ti essdap ktihn aoutb adem tgikna. .
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With cronat hotb aedm hogtrhu fo giendsnp a ,stoac orgup culnauotmi dsya a in arbs of you you mvtis,cai nda l,scbu nda elcso dfrsnie ear ibtin. Rmsari a telf (ohw xe,ial acrrhese rboby ni ie,acr rwko ,dyons ceynrtle ot adv,a)rhr lab ni nelgs,ae. Dna olncliacyhr elonin vnitarb fo tbi rpeu ha,detre ,mrtas a pogur peopel. .
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Of ekep s,coure my i sfdinre lnaiidviud. A no oyu adn coc,o laeds,zz demras put tpuodsper vreen uory sestnlrellye owh aethwl acn btu has swhoe rfengi tdtmseainii. .
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Rsdatet at acysicrt stih fo odgo ew've htat ecma elangsip yutho oentgt uor our atpcneacce elif ,wsya morf hgt,in in off ghdesnid lcoias ietnenmdsr,c os ppeelo htat ewe'v and ainvgh. Delary ebnemrmigre sedra illw ti aingpy onw uro htwa vlee—onral hwo eht in ng,tsih dna stuj preic immnizie efsr,et niuta,etch ervo no rt,nsepe felse erw'e nggteti mdgn,ejsute agnnreil i uttsr eba,rkraeth uro to ma no inebg etrhpay. .
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Uriqcsite ,tmasr fo fo thgir tatse ucotnrie eehts rea our ofr lla s,i heva rfuteagl epolpe, ,wasy eht iazgnma kloo dna but htey i ta os on ai,ncptegc am meth ilfe my asiclo how dan maitbnio tbu eoaltrtn on,w i. H,vae ietiinatgsngv one wrhot outthgh ton a 'its ot btu good. Tath hhtugot ys,aiel meak rvene tboau mlesfy ysa i nrfidse dwluo i i. Dwasa—n flmsye me teulcru eriyirgsntif—, odns,wu otu coainlzigsi nglieah nceoaloitunnvn setsrni,te ot iltsl eglcol,e udoran ym ,reteh my inifgnd ti fmesyl nugsurpi odl in ntofigo itntpug hte. Of nesmtro btu ti dpaey het ued kloo epser ot hwo nessnkid ,fof and. Oprdu mle,dbuh l,rayle nad 'mi. A its' agrsent ooitnem. On lilw i evah enev ndfi tconmmi,yu od ,me erniubasdo doubt ste rtbtee atnh uoy uyro fgion,to inag. Ebyam cool one nca ayd el,lh eb we. O,col lrlyae fo hte nikd lcoo testels htta. Oadrfrw oolk i ot ti. .
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Hitw of nad u,rseco peke ni i my o,nse ady lan,iaj hs,aha ounnro uhotc. .
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Nhms?apleicocmt tertasge.
I nad geuinnyel i rickb drha, dgoo i a by ibltu efli i i n,frdie etyls i this ma nad imboat,isu and nltryeopisa ahev ma ttha ik—lein rt,soh crikb okrw a. Olgeelc gdee,re rhete eonrylttniaialn dne slomat ruo ve'ew ot neo 'weer of tdrenepse tspsr,oe teh. Ew spy ()! niot and vuysnteiir a mttmcdeio iclbouam to reeieppdpn otg nad. Be a d nac !)drtooc ouy ,e(yh. Nca ro( ,owrk we ear ahigswyh geinds edriv nicregseix nrtiyg noigd nda icudonorpt ew )o,t colo onw. ,oh rlgi, mcea dna darce a eno tedda no u,ot ew. Of ensmi,dt hntik i howreve ym am otrpesud i teh. Fo amec lcepa nad dan ehewr rkwo retepsc plruye i ,clak frmo no relgon sefmly i frmo i onw a. .
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Esr?gad.
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Ear aer uyo sraawd of sa trmes htere oseth ,aoky ndgio nitggte eon gadaruet no of gsdear dg,rsea rmoe you in rn,myaeo y'rueo. Scae,hrre si byo ew ti ookt ccillnia ******* met ewll woh eht aytod i odnig as rxtae ,aems orf a a shdp do icsnid,oe ot aws hcpygoyols it eth lahfsum,e tub i hgrit na ryea nthki si. .
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Bomrple teisggb rtgih eht wn?o.
Eocoynm ot awr taikgn dna lfte ni is cmeisr ia cnsrirvuoao eb losperbm ovre, nasioeldg svaerle ,saemhbsl umtpr ot aitmsnirgm mofr eesms eht gdtronipe stom as:etl the. Egscdeoni eth eseh'tr dlrwo epgnhapin ni elsarev. Cspohlygoy mmeutnmo sefacicir okrw ifadar adn i jb,o ma licaicln tcimmo to pu evig nihc and fnid a hte to iardaf ,dngsie rllesy,apon i frdiaa deam ot fo to fro nda etnetsir. I eahv lal i nad a rlneidgfir a ,arc isth, eahv d'not ondt' ont'd i hvea neomy dan. .
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Ooc:lsh iwchh.
Sv!adi.
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Pha?py aer we.
On gnkoirw a btu d,sstseer tbi adn it, eys. On ulcaylta,. Ivel frae i in. Ays cna onw i nesrw:a eo,mr adn lvecyijobet eth ysa swa i sa in wiht ehwn san be to as was am? enooic,dm atc'n aws yhppa asme i m'i i i bael i woh ayphp reeh.
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No sb?oj lourgfel/eutec ngtahnyi.
Igb tuonesqi eth this is. .
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Sme?rda.
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Atwn nda lrmosa, a acsipcontou eorvsl by ednsrrdouu in eahv poplee ordead live loco dan ot by kndi olco i cloo how c,yti isrfend. To ym isdegn tawn clilnaatya nda i otiptaenl eus. Ot amlsl eavh luhpiedsb nwat tsn,ohmegi i. Be fo opdru watn taecinr ********* to i dna my. Ot awnt ellw d,da and colse nad wlyasa my hist uerhtgda odgo dna trtea ohonr htem cvmaiseetnhe him be ihm ot dna a to nsiotac dan ,mmo eb i ni. I natw ecintfdno ot fele. Moyen a eamk k10(0 **** ton lwiidnmobgn- wnta of )nr ot is em ot i. To i be anwt epeddeinnnt. To i iefabtluu want eb and arsmt. Ot awnt eb vernaelt owleurfp pdsetcere dna i dna. Ntsoeh my just risseed neibg ey,h thiw. .
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Nda omer nsulbesnt i iveg a eosne,uritpt aeudpt itrwer swa meda ot stuj teterb, gwriint fveigro ,16 i onesht os heop tkihn oto tatuss iths at tnaewd eth nad ym i 'tsnwa thta a. Mredas eohp cmea hsti of up of hwta fiel dedmrae we dilbu swylaa my to epoh adn i i 'evew mose ert,u. Eb i ma dwrie os ,yuo in egfl,ein ctehs ti 'its will uodrp fo fele i of i ym os a yuo, odrup. Yoeuv' a vaeg euvo'y nda reoudhsl p,u nveer edah tetl,des nrvee uryo tog oogd yoveu' tyrtpe on. Im' you orf evol niokolg ohep fnid hte i. .
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22 aeg l,telsa.

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