A letter from April 16th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, the last time you wrote a letter was 5 years ago. since you are a cringey 12 year old, it didn’t really have much other than a keep on going blurb, so i thought i would leave you with something to compare your life to whenever you receive this. so here goes nothing. (i apologize if this is messy, i’m sitting in my room at 12:35 am writing this out and everything is kinda blurry) it’s important to note that the world is currently in the midst of a global quarantine as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. i haven’t seen any of my friends in over a month or even hugged anyone. i haven’t really talked to anyone i know in person outside of typ classes over zoom, but that might change with school staring back up online on monday. in the mean time, you’ve reconnected with the trash pack and have spent a lot of time talking to clowns against gaskarth. you’ve also spent a lot of time with tyler and alyssa, and had your first smoke sessions with them as of right now, i’m finishing up my senior year, and am currently set to graduate on june 5th, which is ******* crazy, since i thought that i was gonna be dead by now. as of right now, my graduation ceremony hasn’t been cancelled, but i’m kinda just waiting for them to make the official announcement. prom doesn’t really matter much since you never went to dances, and grad nite was at universal, so who gives a **** about that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. as for college, you applied to 10 schools. you got into fullerton, san marcos, long beach, sdsu, santa barbara, santa cruz, san jose, and riverside. you got waitlisted at irvine and ucsd. currently, you’re debating between santa barbara and santa cruz. i have no clue what the **** i wanna do with my life, and am very resentful towards the absolute scam that is the american university system. the future is ******* terrifying, and has been for a long time. when it comes to hobbies, this is a big time for you. typ still hasn’t closed, and you’re currently in the outsiders, though rehearsal hasn’t started. however, i don’t know if it’s gonna be cancelled due to corona. i stopped dancing altogether in the fall of this year after school of rock. i miss tap so much it’s painful, but i lost my passion for jazz and contemporary, and it wasn’t fun anymore. you still talk to aubri though. i just started getting into the local music scene, but there are currently no shows going on, and it’s messing with you. i’m currently hoping that sad summer fest, hella mega tour, and mcr doesn’t get cancelled. all time low is still your favorite band, obviously. you have the clown group chat as well as your livestream crew that consists of alex (sav), zack, scottish rian, shannon, and sometimes annie. wake up sunshine was released two weeks ago, so that’s what you’ve been vibing to, along with the frights and the buttertones. in comparison to the letter in 2015, your mental health has improved significantly. you’ve been through some significant trauma since then (b*k*h, JT newsies, etc.) but i’m currently working on recovery and processing these times. your anxiety has been much more difficult to manage, resulting in some severe panic attacks, but you’ve come so far. in fact, you were thriving and in perfect condition up until quarantine. april has been especially unforviging this year due to not being able to take your mind off of trauma anniversaries, but i know i’ll be okay once this is all over, even if not for long. politics have been interesting for me. i saw myself as pretty centered for most of high school, even a little right leaning in sophomore year, but i’ve recently kinda just said **** it and went full radicalized leftist. i got punk morality at the moment, including ACAB, inti ICE, and for democratic socialism. bernie just dropped out of the 2020 race, unfortunately, but politics have always been ******* ******** coming from the mouths of corrupt ********. overall, i’m in a very uncertain transitional period in my life rn. i’m leaving my childhood behind in such a dark time for the world, and i feel completely lost. maybe this is quite a downer way of ending this, but it’s true. i don’t really know how to end this, so i guess just match your life up to this see ya, lame meme