A letter from April 15th, 2020

Letter to Future Me Right now, it’s the end of senior year and I'm spending it in quarantine. I’m basically having a lot of time to figure out who I am and what I want. Oh, and heal from people who hurt me this year. I’m currently really into watching horror videos on YouTube like SCP videos and animation base on horror videos, anime of course, drama channels, and just documentary/analyzation videos. My taste in music is defiantly grown more and re discovering older songs I use to listen to a lot. At times I feel alone, but I always find a way to get out of that mindset with showers, texting Hannah, writing, painting, and just exploring my thoughts. I’m really going to miss doing color guard, my friends in high school, car rides with Kathleen, and just being close with Baka. I know there’s like an 97% chance I don’t even talk to them when I read this again and it’s just crazy. I know I've grown a lot because of them, because of us, but I don’t know about the future. Ironic I'm at this point and still worry about it. My friends keep me from feeling trapped again in that pit of “darkness”. I just keep moving forward knowing hey one day I will have the chance to adopt, teach, foster, or even just have kids. That thought is what keeps me going. The thought of making a difference in at least one child’s life makes me want to shine though the darkness. I really hope when I'm reading this, I'm close to achieving this goal. On another note, I kind of hope in I'm in a long-term relationship. I also want to still have contact with my current friends. I also will hopefully be done with school in the next. I want to also have or plan to travel somewhere outside of the US. I really want to be happy. I want you to know that I should, and I currently am loving myself and putting myself first (like in a healthy way). Take the time to “treat yourself.” Remember communication is key to any relationship, that not all people are the same as the last, be kind, loving, and generous, don’t lose yourself to keep someone, and that you are loved. Don’t fear change and experiencing the world. This world can be so beautiful. Take time to smell the roses, watch the sun go down, look at the stars, kiss the ones you love, listen to music, help others, bake, go on walks, see art and dance in the rain. Don’t look back on what if, look at what is and what can be. P.S. Happy Birthday!