A letter from April 9th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Today is April 9th, 2020 and I saw this website on tic tok. I thought id give it a go. Right now its 4:33 am Thursday morning and I'm on a call with Alex. It's Corona time right now so school is canceled for the rest of this term and the rest of term 2. I'm loving it but behind in most of my work. Alex Right now my relationship with Alex is tricky. I have been with him for just over three years and its rough. Not because of Corona but just us. I don't know how too feel about him. I love him with my whole heart but I just feel trampled over by him. He has gone on Instagram and done stuff, betrayed your trust so many times and he has all the power over your entire life. You feel like you have to be on call with him 24/7 just so he doesn't do that. I'm sorry, you're in this position. There are days where you feel like everything is so perfect in your relationship and others where you don't feel enough. Kodie, it's not you. You are giving yourself everything to that boy. And if you haven't noticed any major changed reconsider things but don't give up, I feel like you two are meant to be. He is talking about getting a computer and your worried he will go on omegal on it. If he does, talk about it but if things don't change, leave. Don't put yourself through that. I promise you there will be another guy if he is STILL doing this to you. Right now I feel really hurt by him as I don't feel like I get a say in anything. Let's move onto happier things. Kids. Kodie, you better not have a baby by now!!! Wait until you have a place of your own, both have jobs, and both have at least P's. It'll make things so much easier. The baby names I am in love with right now are Collette and Luca. It's ok if you and Alex go through problems. Things will get better. but just remember, you are so much stronger and better than him! you can do this I promise you. You have been through everything with him please don't give up. If you are still with him now, I promise you every problem will work out. Talk about everything, don't keep secrets, understand each other love languages, give each other time and space and I promise everything will be ok. Alex if your ready this I love you so much, we can do this, forever together- 14,03,17. Family Right now mum has celicas and she has trouble finding foods to eat. She always helps with homework and is the best supporter for me. Don't betray her, she will be the only one left by your side. Dad and I don't have the best relationship but hell always be your dad. Just try to be there because you'll never get another one. If his family still isn't putting anything effort into you, don't worry you don't need them. Nanny and Poppy signed a contract to Townsville and I'm really sad. I hope they don't move. But if they have, I bet ill be up there as much as I can to see them. Friends My best friend is Jordon. I am in a friend group with Jordon, Mary, Vidhi, Anna and sometimes Ilana. Friends just don't understand how you feel and aren't very supportive right now. Don't tell any of them anything you don't want anyone else knowing. Because you can't trust them. Be friendly but don't expose your whole life to them. They won't be loyal. I miss Tayla so much she is my best friend since birth. If you haven't talked to her in a while text and asks hows shes going. I love you so much Tayla. Me Lastly, me. Right now I'm not sure what job I want but right now my plan is to do cert III in dental assisting in year 12 then the first year after school does a diploma in nursing at TAFE. If I really like it ill do a Bachelor of nursing at Uni. it's ok whatever job you have now, just please have a job. Doesn't matter what it is and I know it's hard and you just want to quit, just think of a positive. If you are anxious, think about some strategies that can help while you are there, go off in your own world. if it is really that bad. Quit and find another one. The past 6 months have been the hardest months of our lives. Our mental health has gone downhill really badly. I've thought about ending this. But I know if I do then the people I leave behind will miss me the most. Kodie, if you've made it this far now, you CAN do whatever life throws at you. I'm sure there will be much worse things that will happen in life. But I promise you, it will all be ok. Kodie the 16-year-old is telling you to know, think before you act. But don't overthink. Please don't make any stupid decisions you'll regret. Don't make a decision that is permanent if you don't know for sure. It will be the right time when you know it will be the right time. Don't waste your life waiting for other people. Just do it. Kodie, always remembers if you don't have anything else, you'll have yourself. I'm right here and I have you. Kodie, we got this! I really hope I can travel to at least one other country. Don't be scared, even if you do it once it will be worth it. Just once will be a blessing. I would like to get maybe one tattoo. but it has to be small and meaning full. not out there but pretty. You know what it is when you see it. Mental health. I am dealing with anxiety and depression and I feel anxious to even speak. I can't do things on my own and it just feels right to be sad. But that's ok. I hope you feel better. but if you don't. that's ok too. just know if I've made it this far. I can make it even a future. I am on my L's and I'm really bad at driving. I get really anxious when I drive so I don't drive much. and if you've made some accidents on the road, it's ok everyone has you can do this just try again. I'm hoping to get my P's with my Holden Astra (cc) by this November. but I don't know if I can or not due to corona. I feel like I would have kids right now, and if do, know mummy loves you!! she is only 16 right now but she is already thinking about you. ( shown them this ) I love you so much and I may not know your name or gender but my heart is so full for you already. I know you will grow up big and strong and will help mummy and daddy out so much. Keep being your little bubbly self because you are the best thing that has happened to me, even though you aren't born yet, I love you! Ok, that made me so happy. Kodie, you'll be the best mum in the world. and if you're having trouble conceiving, that's ok. Some things aren't meant to be. If I could tell you anything right now, I would be grateful. lately, I have been hating myself because I take every moment so personally and gratefully. But when everything goes right for a little bit then something goes wrong I hate myself for not being grateful for that moment. Well, it's enough of that. You can't control things from happening. if it happens, it happens. let it go. please try to stay strong for us and try to think of a positive for everything. I know what your about to say, well what about the kids in Africa they've never had something good happened to them compared to a rich person and they won't have the same life as them. yes I know, I don't understand that either. but just focus on you, and your personal goals. where yo want to be in life. right now for maybe about just over a year you have been scared of getting pregnant and every time your period is about to come you think you are pregnant. well, I have given up thinking I am now.I remember that Alex has something wrong with his down there and its a lot less likely of me getting pregnant and I feel like it's going to be really hard for us, maybe IVF? I remember in the new year of 2020 I took the first pregnancy test I bought with Jordon at Marys Bettys Burgas party. it came back negative of course but i was so extceid to take it. Youtube. I told myself if I got pregnant as I teen i would make a youtube channel, have I? School right now isn't the best and I say I want to drop out but I know I won't. You got this Kodie its such a waste of time but just Finnish it so you have completed that part of your life then never do it again. I would really love to get in shape. right now I have no motivation to do anything and I just feel so lazy. I would love too before my wedding day to be really fit and make sure my arms are out but looking good. I would also like a thinner stomach that would be nice too. please lose some weight for us, it's not bad but it would be really nice too look good and feel good. even change some eating habits if you can't work out. By now I would love to have my own place. weather that's with Alex or not but I really hope you do. Renting or buying. My ideal is to live sort of in the hills but in the modern area. if not then a place like Norwood. I'm not sure if I would have had my wedding day by now but if you haven't and you're still with Alex, tell him to put a ring on it girl ****. If you are single for whatever reason right now, it's going to be ok. the one will come for you just wait. I promise Kodie. for my wedding day, I would love for it to be in the woods somewhere, really magical. I would love Tayla ruby and Lexi to be my bridesmaids. I would love fairy lights and very magical. like a fairy tale. Kodie, life just keeps moving forwards, you got this. Just go with the flow. I love you so much. Always remember to be kind. Oh yeah, happy 22nd birthday Btw!!