A letter from April 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, This ******* sucks. It’s devastating, really. My senior year is over, because of the coronavirus. It all happened so fast. On a Monday, March 9th, we were jealous of Amanda because her school got canceled for a week as a precaution to stop the spread. It was like a joke. Then, suddenly, it wasn't. On Wednesday we found out school on Friday was canceled so our teachers could prepare just in case we had to do online school. I celebrated, because I would get to sleep in. On Thursday, ARC closed, so I had to go to SF practice. On Friday, March 13th, the whole world shut down. All the schools closed. SF practice got canceled. "Worst case, we go back to school after spring break,” I thought. Very soon after, the Governor announced that there should be no more gatherings of 6 or more people. On Sunday, DART canceled swim practice for the next two weeks. This was unheard of, and devastating, because I immediately knew that my plan to have an amazing last high school swim season was over. Then, we were told to go into a shelter in place and only leave our houses for essential needs. The first week in quarantine, I was an emotional wreck. I cried almost every day at the thought of losing my senior year, but there was still a bit of hope that we would get to go back to school for just a few weeks before graduation. This hope quickly went away when it was announced that all public schools in California are closed through the end of the school year. Because SF is private, we are “supposed” to go back on May 4th, but we all know that that is very likely to change. Today is April 5th, and we have been in quarantine for 3 weeks now. I’m on spring break. Our trip to Hawaii got canceled. The only time I leave the house is to run, visit friends by sitting in their driveway (6 feet apart of course), or to pick up food. This is officially the longest I have gone without swimming in over 5 years, and with how everything looks right now, I won’t be swimming anytime soon. Today, I begged my parents to let me drive around town to visit school and my pool, but they said no because it is raining. The days are melting together, and I am severely struggling to find a purpose every day. The only thing giving me hope at this point is knowing that St. Francis will do their best to make up as many senior events as possible. Things I’m pretty sure will be postponed to summer include the DART crab feed, Senior Ball, the NCL Year End Event, Baccalaureate Mass, and Graduation. Then again, nobody knows how long this will last, so absolutely nothing is guaranteed. There are many things that I will never get back. My senior night for SF swim. My last time wearing my uniform. The awards ceremony. The farewell mass with my honor guard. My last Sections meet. My last day of high school. Jumping into the fountain with my friends. Disneyland Grad Night. I’ve lost countless memories with my friends and family, at literally the worst time possible. When it is difficult to wake up in the morings, I try to think of something exciting to look forward to. Before all this, I had a grocery list of things that I have been looking forward to for years. Now though, there is nothing. I am drowned in uncertainty. I am numb, and bored, and lonely, and heartbroken, and feel robbed of things I never thought could possibly be taken from me. I know that this will end, and we will get through this, but it ******* sucks that while so many students will just go on with their lives as if they just got an extra 2 month break, the entire class of 2020 and I lost something we will never be able to get back. My dream right now, my perfect scenario that keeps me going, is that this will end by June. RIght now the shelter in place is set to lift at the start of May, but I have very little trust in that, so my standards are low. June. For the next two months before I go to college, I will make the most of every day. I will go to every swim practice I can, but if my friends want to hang out or go on a day trip, or just party it up, I will take that opportunity. I will go to every single make-up event my school puts on. I will organize stuff for my friends to make new memories to replace the stolen ones. We will do a photoshoot in our uniforms. We will sneak on campus during summer school to jump in the fountain. We will go on a road trip to Disneyland. We will sign each others year books. It will actually be okay. I just sincerely hope that this will all end soon.