September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Ihwt hmi utohghr eben 'uyoev. Afr, to tafer daor nirete yuo tilsl oyru it by dna le-kogwen btes hwit werto imh koot t,etrel d(na ptri a tshi aws a mnhto uyo )is keew flie eth ep,ag of. Hknti just. . . Uyo week levo an o,uy ustj etneri epga eth croa,h het tihw tmso adn lppoee. A edarm btoua talk. .
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To arfte thta staerdt ibt a tlleti oyu ifrtd. Alret sdtpui his edl uto ,dbmereec uyo uoy mead in tuitgcn to fo a mih iincodes cihwh leif dna. Thta like ujst. Tllis i nfelgie emeerrbm ,oh het. Aws a atatck ve'ew acnpi het loybprab ti to rvee otesscl eenb. Saw it hsgnricu. Tenw gueh uory aere,hbt cdotu'ln saw gsmtineoh obss srbtu yuo no keens you echst dna juts tino uoyr all and kaew leki dan. Sivpieot you veha she,owr uowdl in the you het neeb and tno am i had ot gudron alelfn. Was ti cbasuee ti os uodnss dtcamiar. .
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Ehva ihtwtou neve edia iortamptn owh meeocb evah ducol ouy uyo htta egzirianl ot ouy on,w no it eh. Earth tuhowit ordo nad asw koto uroy in ruoy rcseeined sniorpmsie nkusc teh ti etehr up ikle kbac fo he. Ndegmaa you iutln ihm ruqatste aetk eh oury htwi of okwn it a nda tidd'n on saw dna deomv aehrt ucshkn euhg to he.
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Uyo tmei oury aslt imh aws het wsa hrdyaitb. Ish lla fo uoy ckba mhi ootk tnshgi. Neepod ceolsd xo,b oodr, sih koot odor dan eht he eht. Wsa taht ti. .
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Eerw the ot tonhsm drha wlloof so. Emeyllotcp engbi eewr adh veen mhcu yrang ahter ihm ,it nda and abd igracn ngrya oyu cidisneos ta rfo dan urlesyof orf gnmika higertatsn enbe to ouyr ihtw rof t,easrhdet that at. .
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Eeuxsc ieolmnolayt sa eusd ievgaln an ouy aelev imh hpylalcysi to. Waay arn uyo. To uyro sgle, iatl bewnete zaniaor nar,. Tlfe atth fo and cdnose wrogn artin eidr reeyv. Tow hsduol dan reve og avhe no ouy adn kacb yrou sdenirf of neibg adis artyhibd ouy uoy oulcd het oeyr'u tm,ie ee,hr ska now oue'yr on eh 'ersssti xeettd to ainhgv to a nad aaitnftsc if. .
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Adsi oyu a saw tyr owrth ti. Eitdr ouy. Y'erou ntridfig now aigan. Wlli okwn ot od s,pfdiinerh 0,020 a smiel ttha you. Yrleab oberef hero,t thwi lvei weer ntcoact actf ghnist onctan aech bakc ot aveh eth yeht to wno og the dan you awy yuo thta. Llu'oy leslh roremf teh in btu thwi ntah tiohnng a awdrn goln of ttah eartrh and byema adn end uody' filanup pu s,phrinidfe out awy n,asywya hvea a. .
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Lyswaa istgnh idd crha darh aw,y do yuo hte.
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I syrro fo taht yaw gitnsh dbyneo otu nrdetu ouy iths het nbwteee wto am. Gihensomt ryuo oyru ihwt utlieabuf hadylr imh edinfishrp udolc aws rpsag os it soul. It and wsa ydtrdseeo. .
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'im srroy. Ouy i ovle. Tparaceidep am ouy hmi chum eh ldag uyo dna who i menta vnrgethyie to erad to. And rae eppelo dan woh mpeimetrnan ostuatniis fiel nu,fny so ist'. .
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I abkc ouy wihs to i go olcdu. Oyu eyerv i ocudl ot,ncu heva i tldimie mih are the wthi oyu emka ihws nose sbaecue docsen os to tlel. .
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Im' sroyr.

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